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Lessons for 2020

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If I had to characterize 2019 in one word that word would be growth. If you’ve been reading the blog from the beginning or even read the entire thing in one week I think it was clear how over time my perspective; comfort level; and acceptance of things began to change. I’m  extremely appreciative for my growth and even more appreciative that I was able to understand and realize that it was a year of growth…and a few set ups as well. Upon examining a few highlights of the year I discovered a reoccurring theme; selectivity. Had I not been down right stubborn and ultra selective about some things I’m not sure they would’ve turned out the way they did. I then wondered why was it a huge shock that being selective was the difference maker in a lot of situations; I’ve always been extremely selective, it’s one of my strengths. Yet, something seemed different about my selectivity this year. It felt as if I almost had to force myself to be selective and therefore needed to celebrate the fact that I followed through.

Then it hit me, being selective was extremely hard for me last year AND many times I had to fight myself to even do it! What changed? Why was I now seemingly forcing myself into something I’d always done? The answer, MOTHERHOOD and not just any motherhood SINGLE MOTHERHOOD! As parents we’re expected to sacrifice for our children, but as single mothers(and I suspect fathers as well) it gets to a point where it appears that ALL you do is sacrifice. In my case I always put myself last and that’s if I ended up on the list at all. Yes, I have a support system but it’s relatively small and if it seems as though I’m exhausting my support system my mind automatically defaults to settling. Settling because “this is a temporary fix”; settling because I feel/felt alone or have to do things on my own; settling because “it just needs to get done.” My inner self wouldn’t allow me to “settle” and so while having internal battles; doubts; and while often hoping, praying I didn’t lose out on one option to get to what I deemed a better option I…was selective!!

And…it…WORKED!!!!! For example, my job situation this year has been nothing short of interesting. I began the year at a company that attempted to rob me of my work life balance; while attempting to tear into my confidence. For a few months I stayed. I stayed while they stressed me out; gave me terrible reviews; took me away from my child by lengthening my hours AND calling while I was at home with him. I looked into some other jobs and even my current career but thought “no this is a battle I can win” so I stayed. One day I realized my peace wasn’t worth that job so I decided to take that leap of faith quit my job and get my Real Estate license. It was a risky yet calculated move and it paid off. 

I also became more selective about who I allowed in my space. Easiest example being my son’s father. After 6-7 months of talking once a month (more like arguing once a month about whose fault it was that we were in that situation) I decided he no longer deserved to be in my space. He was a disruptor of my peace. If we’re only talking once a month but in those times you aren’t making arrangements to visit your child; you’re not asking what he needs; not paying for anything pertaining to him…why am I allowing you to continue taking my peace?!? I honestly can’t make you want to be a father; I can only extend a functional co-parenting space so much. The decision to be involved is and was on him. So why was I sacrificing my peace in an effort to get him involved? I decided to discontinue further communication with him until he reached out AND unless it was about our son. Seven months later and we still aren’t talking BUT I’m at peace.

Around September Real Estate began to slow down, totally normal and thus began my search for a part time job. I had standards though; I needed to be off by 5pm; I couldn’t work weekends; and I needed to be paid a minimum of $17/hour. I knew my expenses upfront, I knew what I needed to bring in to supplement my real estate income; and most importantly I knew even with the addition of another job I needed to be a present parent. I applied for several jobs; got called for a lot of interviews; turned down a decent portion of those interviews; went to the other half and was offered the job but turned it down after finding out some of the unlisted logistics. At the end of the day these jobs were not in my parameters, they didn’t fit my needs, some of them would’ve created a larger need; and they would’ve taken me away from my son. These positions weren’t right for me, yet without any external pressure I found myself wondering if I was doing the right thing and sometimes stressed and impatient with the process. It was here that I considered settling. Maybe a little extra income was better than no extra income. Maybe I was being too picky; was I really in a position to be so selective? All types of questions. Inspite of my doubts I stuck to my guns and refused to settle. I ended up getting a part time (sort of independent contractor still) position that pays a little more than what I need; has the perfect hours: and allows me to be with my son. All because I was selective. 

My reflection period caused me to realize that selectivity enabled me to regain peace; independence of time; pay bills without worrying; and be a present, involved mother to my son. The same thing I was afraid would be a hindrance helped! While I understand why single parents have more doubts; are sometimes reserved in their decision making process; and feel safer settling  I also now understand why it’s so important to fight those feelings and be selective!! It’s intimidating as ever when there’s more than your own life and wellbeing at stake but it has to be done. If we settle we’re actually relinquishing our joy and peace. By settling we’re also indirectly teaching our children that it’s alright to settle. We’re teaching them to live by fear instead of faith. That’s not a lesson I want my child to learn, that’s not what I want him to believe. 

In closing as 2019 ends and 2020 begins I am thankful for 2019 and it’s many lessons; I’m thankful for what I realized were a number of highs. I’m thankful that I learned early in my single parent journey and will continue to mindfully execute selectivity in the future

Cheers to 2020

Untitled and Incomplete.

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A year ago when I became a single mom I knew that it meant all the responsibility for my son now rested on my shoulders but I’m not sure I understood in its entirety what being a single mom meant! Sounds stupid right, especially considering I was raised by a single mom but well it’s true. To a certain extent I had no clue what I was getting into. 

One such way being a single parent unexpectedly affected my life was my career. Prior to the birth of my son I’d been in the fitness industry for 5-7 years. I’d matriculated from Certified Personal Trainer to Personal Training Director, Team Manager, and even full time business owner. Business wasn’t booming as I was about 2 years in but I was certainly picking up steam (adding clients, and pathways to earn revenue)   and I absolutely loved being my own boss. I’d picked up a part time job with a park district to increase my exposure and experiences…things were coming along nicely. Once I found out I was pregnant I began to taper off in order to focus on preparing for my son afterall I only had about 7 weeks to get everything ready; but in true perfectionist form I had an extremely aggressive return to work date. I believe it was 8 weeks tops…..8 weeks that my boss at my part time job FORCED me to take(I taught fitness classes until I was 28weeks pregnant). My baby boy was born in November of 2017 and in my mind I was going back to work in January of 2018. In reality his birth was the beginning of my change. In spite of the fact that I worked out throughout my pregnancy; had a non complicated vaginal birth; only 2 stitches; no PPD; and no real breastfeeding issues I. WAS. EXHAUSTED!!!!! Those 2 months seemed to fly by…..and I dreaded going back to the park district.  I was just honestly too tired, however because I’d decided to give my business a break in efforts to bond with my son and learn my new role as mom I forced my exhausted self to get back to work (back to teaching fitness classes). 

From January 2018 to November 2018 I got up to teach my 5:45 am classes twice a week. Some days I went to class off thirty minutes of sleep; other days I got to class five minutes late because I’d drift off or had to stop to nurse. My level of exhaustion intensified and even now I have no clue why I never cut my loses. I remember the moms in the class telling me “three months is the sweet spot, he’ll decrease night feedings and begin to sleep longer.” I naively waited for his three month birthday and decrease in night wakings but it never happened! As if being mildly irritated that he didn’t decrease on night feedings my son hit the dreaded four month sleep regression AND began teething at the same time. The time of my classes compounded with my sleepless nights was really wearing me down. I thought “once he starts solids(6months) he’ll sleep better at least 4 hours a night.” Well not so much! He started solids and would sleep maybe 3 hours at a time provided he wasn’t in pain from teething. And because his 6 month birthday (May) starts my summer class schedule (4-5 more classes a week) I never actually reaped the benefits of his slightly longer sleep patterns. Did I mention he hit the 6 month sleep regression as well?! By now I know you’re wondering what this has to do with my being a single mom….but stick with me it’ll connect shortly. Fast forward to the end of summer 2018 I realized I was exhausted and burned out from the park district so while keeping that job; I decided to do a soft launch back into my fitness business but with a mild redirect AND pick up a full time job. I didn’t want to quit my part time out of loyalty; I wanted to get back to my business but now change my target population to new(er) moms but with a mouth to feed I couldn’t wait for the slow trickle of income….hence the full time job. Little did I know this was the beginning of the end

In August of 2018 I both started my new business venture launching a survey and newsletter AND I started a full time job. During the interview I told the management company I was a new mom of a young child and that I was the primary care giver. I asked how would my potential absences due to my child be reflected upon and a few other questions that I just don’t remember. I was told “oh well the Property Management will understand and the company is parent friendly.” This was certainly tested about 2 weeks after being hired as my child’a daycare center called me saying he has a fever and was vomiting. Long story short I missed two days on mommy duty. Again in October I was called while at work because my child was was sick, again I had to leave…only this time I didn’t need to miss a day. I did come to work late or leave early due to doctor’s appointments. Again in December I missed two days due to an ear infection. What I am not reflecting is I always made up my work, worked from home on days that I was absent; and always took the proper protocol to report an absence. 

After four months apparently it was decided my being a mom and having to take care of my child on demand was an issue. I couldn’t be fired because my job performance wasn’t the issue, but the Property Management team decided to make my life a living hell until I quit. 

Ultimately in April of 2019 I decided it was time to let go. I was at peace with my decision; I had a plan that was ready in action; and after making that decision I no longer felt stressed. There was a gigantic sense of relief. 

I learned two lessons: one, irregardless of what employers say most of them are NOT family friendly. My experience showed me that most companies are so out of touch with what it takes to be a parent these days and they’re practices reflect that. What is any parent of an infant, toddler,  or preschooler to do with 10 PTO days? PTO included both sick and vacation days, it’s not practical for any two parent household; I don’t have an adjective for what it is to any single parent household. Secondly, through this experience I learned being a single mom meant more than just “having the financial responsibilities and decision making burden on my shoulders”, it meant being the ONLY person my son had to rely on. That entailed: sick duty; pick ups and drip offs: advocating on his behalf; and etc. For some reason my career in fitness was one thing I didnt think would change when I became a mother and yet it was one of the main things that needed to change in order to give my son a better life. 

As a single parent what I needed was a job that understood my role as a parent; a job that gave me both the time freedom that I needed as well as the ability to maximize my earnings while working. It was then that I learned a high percentage of moms are independent contractors. I laughed when I read this stat because well my next career path was as a Real Estate agent. 

The Saga Concludes….

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Two weeks later and we’re done day training. Honestly we finished day training a little over a week ago. It took us 7 days to get the basics down. I am extremely proud of my little man AND myself because potty training is no easy task!!! While I titled this blog “The Saga Concludes” it’s really not over….well it is but it isn’t as I’m still nap and night time training.

Night time training is a tad more challenging for us for several reasons: hens younger so his bladder control may or may not be fully developed; we both hate being awaken from our sleep; and he is NOT feeling the last call for milk two hours before bedtime lolbvvs! As it stands we wake up twice a night to pee. He absolutely hates these wake up times. He’s cranky, doesn’t want to get up, fights to stay asleep, and sometimes doesn’t pee out of rebellion. It is on these nights that we usually have an accident. Our nights are usually dry if he pees during both night wakings. Dry nights keep me encouraged. We also have dry nap times at home……daycare is another story.

Speaking of daycare, the morning leading into daycare I woke up hysterical. I legit had 101 reasons why my son shouldn’t return to daycare newly potty trained(remember we started this journey during his daycare break) and a list of things that could go wrong. I couldn’t get back to sleep after waking up panicking so I decided to pack his little book bag. I sent him with 3 changes of clothes, 3 pairs of training underwear (only to be used at nap time) and of course a bag for all his dirty clothes. At that point I told my self to pull it together because he had to go! Oh, I also got him the potty watch to help him remember to go pee while playing. Um, it wasn’t one of the nightmares played out in my mind but it was pretty either. Turns out his daycare teacher isn’t used to potty trained not quite 2 year olds. She didn’t show him where the potty was, didn’t watch for his signals, didn’t bring the potty closer to him…..just didn’t . After talking with the daycare owner we decided to move him to the preschool section of the daycare as that instructor not only knows how to deal with potty trained toddlers but she trains them too! Once the move was made he went down to no accidents at daycare! Go mommy’s big boy!! Our accidents occurred in strange situations……aka places he wasn’t used to pottying in. Once I noticed that I got him a travel potty all was right with the world again.

Now I don’t want you to read this and think once he learned the skills everything has been smooth like skippy because that is not the case. We are currently in the “pee pee rebellion”. This last weekend he reverted back to 1-2 accidents a day but that cleared up once we got to daycare on Monday. I’m not particularly sure why he rebelled but I’m hoping he”s done with said rebellion.

In closing this series isn’t to brag on having a potty trained child, or to gloat about how much I’m saving it’s to let you know that you have support! The blog series serves to let you know this shit ain’t easy(by no stretch of the imagination), it’s to let you know my struggles, to allow you to laugh at my bloopers and to realize you’re not alone on the island of potty training. It’s to push you to stick this out and finish the job because both you and your little person are worth it. Good luck mama!!!

The Potty Training Saga Continues

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The last day I blogged about my adventures with this whole potty training thing was on Day 2 when I was at wits end and ready to quit. Self preservation….kid preservation….sanity lol! Ok, so I obtained and listened to the audible of Oh Crap Potty Training that night. Someone needed to talk me off the ledge and this book did the trick. Ever binge listened to anything lol? That was me, Tuesday night I was committed to finishing this 8.5 hr book…and I did too! I got a quick nap before I was set to start Wednesday with the kid, I game planned with my mom, I closed off my calendar for the next few days….it was my will versus his will and dang it I wasn’t about to lose. The kid is ready and I know it!!!Day 3………I treated it as Day 1(sorta) implementing all my new techniques from Oh Crap Potty Training. Let’s do this! I have to be very honest Day 3 was t bad at all. We had more makes then misses, the misses he did have we knew it was more behavioral than cluelessness and realistically one good accident that we totally jumped down his throat about and even that straightened up. Day 3 was SSSOOOOO good I even put a pair of shorts on him and let him go commando with me on a Target drive up run. Well, my baby, pardon me my big boy stayed dry. Now let’s have a moment of honesty, he did have an accident on the way out the door but it was my fault. I put him in the potty as we were preparing to leave but he didn’t go. Because of this I was putting some receiving blankets in the car seat for extra “dryness” and my mom was watching him as I’m finishing up in the truck I hear him screaming…..yup, you guessed it that was when he pottied. I got him cleaned up switched shirts and out the door we went. Between Target and Starbucks we were gone about thirty minutes and he stayed dry(inserts fist pump)!!!

We got home and it was bedtime, because the day was going so well and Jamie said to day and night train simultaneously we went to bed with no diaper. Yup, you read that right we ended day 3 with no diaper. I prepped for this as much as possible, receiving blankets under the fitted sheet; cut off liquids 2 hours before bed; pulled out all his 2 piece pjs for reinforcements; fleece blanketed for wet spots; had my alarm set for 11p and 2a and we went for it. I out him on the potty right before bed but he refused to stay on and certainly didn’t go therefore I expected an accident. He woke up wet just before the 11pm alarm. There was no point in being upset because this was almost guaranteed…besides it was our first time night training. The kid went back to sleep around 1am(no I was NOT happy about that) especially not with another night time check at 2am but what can you do. He woke up at 2am, wasn’t wet, we went back to sleep and all was right with the world. Day 3 potty training went pretty well, as did night 1 of training. Because of this I was certain Day 4 would be a mess!!!

Day 4, honestly it hasn’t been too bad. I was convinced I’d be met with sheer stubbornness but surprisingly he wasn’t as bad as I thought he’d be. Today I decided he’d go half naked half commando with the kid. We have had more makes than misses but the misses have been in his shorts. The good news is he doesn’t like being wet….so it makes him attempt to get to the potty. Big deal: he pooped twice IN the potty!!!! I was so excited to not have to clean up shit….and he was excited to see “what came out of him.” We took another very short trip with him commando, this time to UPS and he managed to stay dry. I don’t wanna set myself up for failure by thinking we”re on the road to being fully potty trained but damn it “we’re on the way to being fully potty trained!!!” Now in reality I can’t get too excited, we’re going to take another trip shortly and that one won’t be short time wise. It’s close to the house but we’re gonna be gone awhile so um…I guess we’re moving into the “different situations block”. It exactly tryna move there until Sunday but uh one night can’t hurt.

All in all I was talked off the proverbial ledge and my kid is making nice strides. This mama needs to celebrate….I think I’ll have a cookie.

Potty Training Saga Part 2

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There are days where I want to sit and cry because I am so frustrated and today is one of those days. I am beyond overwhelmed and the reality is as much as I want to give up and take time to cry I can’t….cuz then shit just wouldn’t get done😩 It is in fact the never ending circle of single parenting: Shit gets tough, you have no one to turn to or in my case you don’t want to exhaust the only help you have; you want to cry, want to release your frustrations but honestly there’s no time because “things need to be done.” So what straw broke the camel’s back today? Is it the failed potty training expedition, the stubborn , clingy, toddler/mom needs a break thing; is it the I ant afford to do anything for myself thing; or is it the daycare cost too damn much, how the fuck am I expected to take care of anything else thing? How about it was all of that….no seriously it’s all of that. As I sit on the floor of my bathroom because I wanted some “me time” writing this my stubborn toddler fell asleep while in timeout. Honestly his falling asleep was best for both of us because I no longer had the patience necessary to deal with him. Day 3 of potty training has not show any improvements, dare I say it things I have gotten worse. My son pees the floor and shows no remorse. In fact when showing him the urine and telling him that’s a “no no and that big boys pee in the potty he proceeded to play in the urine. This was the third accident of the day, the second where he flat out showed no remorse and I was over it. Maybe just maybe you aren’t ready. I do NOT have money for diapers but I also no longer have patience for this shit. I put the diaper back on him and he goes “NO”…naw bruh it’s too late for no you should’ve acted right when I was trying. Crazy thing is I know he’s ready, not only does he love his big boy underwear but he pulls off wet diapers and brings them to me, he sits in the potty (most of the time), and he uses it with no problem. He hasn’t figured out how to poop the potty but whatever. The majority of his accidents are just bad timing…..as in I took him off the potty too early and he pissed his underpants. But today he’s being rebellious as all hell and so he refuses to go….and he’s being selectively rebellious…worse. Normally I’m not one to back down from a battle and certainly to one to back down from a challenge with my kid but this timeI don’t have it in me so fuck it you win. Back to diapers you go and back to mommy having to figure out where the diaper money will come from. As if I needed another reason to be frustrated with him he refused to pick up his toys. My kid loves to clean, he loves to straighten things and like most boys he LOVES the praise he gets when he knows he’s made mommy very happy. Over the last week or so not so much; you can praise him all you want and he still jus doesn’t care. Per usual I gave him the bag and said put the blocks in here he in turn told me “no” and snatched away. NIGHT NIGHT buddy, you’re not going to tell me no and think it’s ok….and that’s how I got my quiet time🤷🏾‍♀️

After he went down for timeout I sat to budget my next paycheck…huge mistake. Because of the way the first pay period in September falls I need to pay my daycare provider over $500 from my next check in order to make sure he’s covered. That sent me right over the edge. $360 for two weeks I would’ve been alright with and honestly was expecting that but $540?!?!?! That’s probably a third of what I’m going to receive. My kid needs school supplies and Lord let’s not forget diapers, I need to actually do quite a bit for myself PLUS I have other bills to pay and you want me to give up a third of my check? It may be more than a third because once combined with my car note I think I have $200 left. What the fuck am I suppose to do with that? My calculations sent me into a total talespin of “what and why the fucks?!?!” “What the fuck am I gonna do with $200? Why e fuck does daycare cost so much? Why the fuck am I paying so much for daycare when you’re still asking me to bring supplies? What the fuck am I suppose to put on the back burner this time? Why the fuck is his trifling ass sperm donor helping me? Why the fuck do you idiots think people are o;yo having one to two kids? Why the fuck are y’all wondering dumb shit when the answer is obvious? Who the fuck can I get in the family to watch him because this shit is fucking ridiculous followed by fuck everybody is dead. What the fuck and why the fuck…..now none of this shit actually helps me and honestly it probably does nothing more than keep me hyped up on my emotions….that’s why I call it a tale spin.

Crashing down rom my tale spin I retreat to the bathroom to blog and hopefully have a good cry in the shower….ten minutes of course can’t be in the shower too long in case the kid wakes up. As I type I still haven’t cried nor have I come up with any solutions, nor do I feel better about anything. This has been such a trying year. I honestly thought I was beginning to handle things a little better but as I can see that’s far from the truth. I sit here wishing I was married for the help yet knowing married couples have the same financial problems ESPECIALLY the daycare convo….hell I just listened to one of my married friends tell me this last week. I sit here wishing I made more money, I did the calculations when I switched jobs I need to bring home at least $2000 bi-weekly to afford full time daycare….my kid is currently part time daycare and let’s just say I have yet to hit $2000. The silver lining is at least with my current job there is potential to hit $2000 that wasn’t even a thought in the previous job. Crazy thing is I’m not sure if I actually wish those things or if right now I just feel those are the most obvious solutions to my problems. I sit here closing out this blog realizing I didn’t even tell y’all about day 2 part 2 potty training…I just skipped to the train wreck that was day 3. I guess I’ll have to hop back on and do that later. Right now I need some time to mentally and emotionally relax.

The Potty Training Saga

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Deep breath….ok guys so I’m officially potty training my 21 month old. NO, I didn’t push him; NO I’m not rushing; YES he basically told me it was time…he kept pulling his wet diapers off and bringing them to me…..so yes, it was time. I chose this week because it’s vacation week from daycare and from everything I read it’s best to just “go at it for the week” then then try on weekends only. This is Day 2 y’all……Day 2!!!!! He is such a handful but damn it I’m not backing down!!

Day 1 went like this, I wasn’t home because I was working that day and so I decided I’d start on Monday. My mom was home with him all day and wanted to start so we agreed. I left the house around 11am by 130 he’d officially shat and pissed the floor and by 3 she was “sick of this shit and too old to be bending down to clean up shit” so my son ended up back in a diaper. Originally I was not thrilled that he was back in a diaper because well she could’ve waited and he and I could’ve started on Monday like I originally planned.

Part 2 Day 1 I got home around 5, he cleaned up, we ate dinner and I chilled. Y’all I was not gonna reopen this can of worms until tomorrow. While chilling out my mother goes “did you try with him?” No, no I did not….we can wait til tomorrow. About an hour later I said to hell with it and decided we could try at least once. My👏🏾 Child👏🏾 Set👏🏾Me👏🏾Up👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾!! I put him in the toilet and made him sit there for 10 minutes. While sitting in the toilet I showed him his “big boy shirts”(which he actually likes), read him the toilet book, and showed and e Plaines his progress chart to him and what he’d receive stickers for. Somewhere during all of that my son went; he used the toilet. I was super thrilled!! I celebrated with him, we flushed, washed his hands, put the stickers on his chart and back to chill vile we went, I told him in 30 minutes we’d try again. Thirty minutes passed we tried again and guess what, he went again. Again I excitedly celebrated him and tracked his progress. In the words of Da I’ll Tiger we flushed, and washed, and went on our way!😂😂😂😂 Right before his bedtime bath we tried once more, this time he didn’t use the bathroom but we’ll he sat so ok. Y’all know I’m fairly ambitious so in my mind “cool, at this rate we should have the whole “go in the down by Wednesday and spend the rest of the week learning how to correctly put on his big boy pants without my help.” I was excited, I had a plan and it was all coming together.

Day 2, As with everything that I’ve attempted to plan parent wise, my plan fell apart. We woke up and first thing this morning I put him on the potty, he went…success!! In my mind things were going according to my plan. 8am we tried again, and nothing. This time he barely wanted to sit on the toilet. In fact he made five minutes by the skin of his teeth….as in he got up at least three times and I made him sit back down. Five minutes passed and nothing happened so we got up. No sooner than we get outta the bathroom my man pees and y’all I was not patient, I..was..livid(please don’t start telling me how I should’ve responded…I’m well aware of that but that’s not how this unfolded lol). I KNEW he had to go….I told him to sit down…he didn’t wanna wait… now Elmo is wet. I say “man didn’t we agree to keep Elmo dry?” “You gotta be a big boy and use the potty if we’re gonna do that!l I think he was tired of the whole thing because he boycotted his mid-morning snack, lunch, and ended up in time out twice before noon. Homeboy was BIG MAD! I think it’s the sitting and waiting part that he’s not thrilled with. As I sit typing I remember reading he should have a toy while o; the toilet, so the last two times I let him pick his favorite books to bring along and we took his piano. I must admit having a distraction made the waiting part bearable. Since he’s been up from his afternoon nap (aka he fell asleep while in timeout) we’ve had one successful potty time and one successful sitting with no action. At this rate I’m just hoping he actually gets trained by then end of the week. Potty Training is rough…and I have no idea how I’m doing this without wine😩😩😩

Pray for me

Redemption.

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Daycare is Godawful expensive!! Most people with children know and agree on that. I previously worked as a General Manager at a corporate gym and received some assistance from the state in paying for my child’s daycare. Even with receiving that assistance I still paid an additional $400/ month for daycare. There were of course other options that would’ve been fully covered  by the state but those were less than satisfactory…that’s another story altogether. About 2 months ago I received notice that my grant for daycare would cease because “I now made too much.” Out of curiosity I wondered what “too much was” so I inquired. I found out “too much” was $2500/ month in which case I realized there was no way I should’ve gotten assistance to begin with; clearly I wasn’t about to apply again. It was at this point I decided (since I was changing careers anyways to drop my son to part time daycare; this addition would allow me to save or divert to other expenses $420/month AND revive my stay at home mom status….even if it’s just part time. 

First I devised plan…you guys will learn that I HAVE to have a plan, it keeps me at calm lolbs! After figuring out which days my son would stay with me I wrote his daily daycare schedule out and inserted various events for he and I to do in the activity block. I figured if we stay on the schedule he’s accustomed to it really couldn’t be that bad. Being frugal, I also decided it would be best to alternate the distance of our activities, one of our activities would be closer to the house while the other would take us further away. 

I didn’t quite have a plan for today but ugh, well….mommy daycare it was lol! My kid, as if he wasn’t exhausted from yesterday woke up at 6:30am bright, early, and ready to go!!! Without a real plan intact Mommy Daycare was off and running! 

6:30 bath

7am breakfast and PBS

8am open play

9am outdoor play

9:30 bored child (yup, your read that right)

9:35 puzzled parent because this whole outdoor thing should’ve lasted until 9:50

9:50 sign-ups for open play at an indoor playground 

10:00 mid morning snack

10:15 head to indoor playground 

10:25 arrive at indoor playground 

10:27 toddler meltdown…not sure if he was upset that we were at an indoor playground and not daycare OR if he was pissed Babyshark went off…I think it’s the latter

10:30-11:45 SUCCESS!!! my child is happy, I’m starting a blog (I’m finishing it 12 hours later and yes I have totally forgotten the purpose of the blog)

11:50 depart indoor playground

12pm LUNCH

…..and dare I say it 12:30 NAP!! Oh thank God we made it!!!

Mama had a 1pm tour about 15 minutes away and thankfully grandma stepped in to sit with her sleeping angel. 

Maybe the point of this blog was to share that days at home with children work best when you keep them WITH other children, that way they keep one another busy. Maybe the point of this blog was to show you that you can do it Mama! After all I legit played Mommy Daycare, and worked from home and it worked itself out. Maybe, the point of the blog is to reassure you that you can be every woman in one day or that you don’t necessarily need a plan to successfully navigate it through the day…nope that wasn’t the point of the blog lol! A plan is very necessary………………………..

Something no one really knew was after spending 9 months as a “Stay at Home Mom” I mildly resented going back to work. On one hand I wanted to go back to work full time to prove to myself that I was more than “just a mom”; I also needed to go back to work full time to make ends meet. On the other hand I wanted to stay at home with my baby boy! I trusted absolutely no one to take care of him the way I did; I didn’t want to work and make money only to give a lump sum to a daycare provider; I would miss our midday adventures and hitting all the children’s spots while everyone else was working; but most of all I didn’t want to miss any of his milestones. The thought of missing his first steps; first words; not being there to potty train…all of those things frightened me. Even the thought of missing his milestones made me feel like a bad mom. 

I spent 8 months away from my baby boy working because that’s what needed to be done…..even more so now that we were on our own. By the beginning of this year what began as a cozy job with understanding management became a real headache. All of a sudden no one understood “working mom” meant mom first; no one understood young babies occasionally get sick which meant mommy needed to take a PTO day; no one understood yup, babies still have quarterly immunizations and unfortunately ER/Urgent Care visits and routine check-ups can’t be lumped into one appointment. No one understood I couldn’t be surprised with random “we need you to stay late days” because well…daycare closed at 6. No one understood yes, daycares take breaks and if no one is able to watch my child than yes, I am forced to stay at home. And certainly NO ONE understood “single mother” aka if I don’t do it no one else will..aka I don’t have help….aka I have to do this parenting thing by myself…aka yes I care about my job but I care about my child more….aka….NO, there really is no one else to help. I was miserable! Frustrated was an understatement and of course because I was frustrated at work I began taking it out on my child. Not physically but I certainly didn’t have the patience required to deal with a toddler. 

One of my extremely close friends knew I was miserable and suggested a job change, something with more of a time flexibility that allowed me to maximize my income while working but still provided time flexibility. She has two amazing children, she’s very rarely missed anything they were doing…heck even practices. She was a BOSS and an INVOLVED mom…she definitely had the lifestyle I wanted for my child…so yup, if she’s suggesting a career change and it allows me to work and be an involved parent let’s do this…..enter Real Estate. 

I’m just starting so I don’t have any highs or lows career wise to share but today I was able to take care of EVERYTHING that needed to be done: I both worked and I was Mommy, involved mommy, fun mommy. So yea, maybe someone was encouraged and inspired by the blog but (only 12hours later) as I remember the real point of the blog, it was to celebrate balance. Today, I was fully able to balance both being a mom and a career woman and it felt great!! Will it always be this easy, no. Will there be some challenges along the way. Absolutely, I’m dealing with a toddler in the throws of the terrible twos not but do I know it’s possible? Absolutely, and that’s what gives me hope, that’s what encourages me to push forward, and for the rest of the weekend (yup, def working the weekend) that’s what I’ll celebrate….knowing that it’s totally possible to be both mom and career woman.

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