Tag Archives: work mom balance

Fighting For What You Deserve is Sometimes Exhausting

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I know growth hurts, but every now and then I have to be reminded of that fact. My job searches are usually seamless, I apply for jobs, I find jobs that I like, I interview, get hired and work, end of story. The entire process takes maybe 2 months, not long at all and I’m always satisfied. This year, the search has been different and dare I say sometimes downright exhausting. I started flirting with the idea of finding a new job in the summer of 2021 when I realized I was doing more than I was getting paid for.

One of the first things I do when I applying for new jobs is examine my motives. This is not to say I believe motives for finding a new job are right or wrong, but I like to know the reason for the move. The second thing I do is determine the logistics: pay, drive time, type of work(remote or on site), hours. Once all of this is determined I begin looking for jobs and researching companies that have policies conducive for parents. Finally, I start applying.

My approach to finding work hasn’t changed, if anything it has tightened up and gotten more specific. I am a more focused candidate, I know exactly what I want and need, and yes, I am able to determine if a want in a company is negotiable, But, again this time is different.

I’ve applied for quite a few jobs(more within the last month than the entire year) and I have interviewed for and been offered 3 of those jobs. I didn’t take any of the positions. When weighing the pros/cons of each position I realized I’d be taking a loss, and not just financially. I certainly look at the financial aspect, but more than anything I look at potential loss of time with my son. This is HUGE for me because I am a single parent with a very small support system. I don’t want to be more than 30 minutes away from him for multiple reasons. What if something happens at school? I need to be able to get to him. I also need to be able to get home to him and have time to cook, help with homework, and go through our bedtime routine without rushing. If I can’t do that, the job is a loss. Financially, if I have to pay for an afterschool sitter the job is a loss. I am not striving to make more money only to pay more for childcare. No thanks.

Now, back to why I didn’t take one of the jobs I was offered…bottom line they weren’t worth it. The first job was remote but wanted me to work PST(I’m on CST) and work rotating weekends. As much as I didn’t like the idea of weekends I was willing to give that up had we negotiated me working CST. I have a 4 year old, no way I can work 2 hours behind, that would completely interrupt bedtime. The money also wasn’t good enough for me to find more help, an extra 5k…no thanks. The second job was on-site with 4 remote days per month. Benefits were great, the real issue is they were only offering me 5k more than what I currently make and unwilling to negotiate. Y’all, I never would’ve seen hat 5k. I would’ve had to use that on gas, parking, lunch, and afterschool childcare, At the end of the day it wasn’t worth it.

The job search is becoming grueling because I am starting to believe there are few jobs that meet my needs or are willing to negotiate. It makes me wonder if my standards are too high, or if companies are even more insensitive to parental needs post COVID-19 waves. In all honesty, I don’t know that answer to that. I know that I am well aware of what I need, and I am also willing to negotiate certain things. However, if companies are unwilling to negotiate with parents in general this is not the job market people continue touting it to be. I am still looking and intend to continue looking but the exhaustion is real.

Coming Soon…

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In my last blog I detailed how my current position is no longer working for my family. Crazy thing is I started that blog a little over three weeks ago and edited it numerous times. In my opinion, it never conveyed my true feelings. I think there were so many emotions mixed in the realization that I needed to actively search for a new job that I hadn’t sorted through them. It’s one thing to know you need a new job, it’s one thing to look for a job, and it’s an entirely different thing for both you and your company to realize your current job is a dead end for both parties. Both parties’ realization of the obvious is what I believe left me most baffled.

I’ve had summer jobs since I was twelve and I am more than 10 years into my post-undergrad work life. I’ve started and run a business (until the birth of my son), I experimented with the thought of starting a second but realized the idea was great but it wasn’t something I was passionate about. Needless to say, I’ve not ever been disciplined, laid off, or fired. Anytime I left a company it was on my own terms and always for growth. I am potentially (our company hasn’t announced it yet, but we all know it’s coming) in the next round of layoffs at our company and not too sure how I feel about it.

My ego feels mildly bruised for reasons I’ll detail in another blog, part of me wants to worry (I refuse), but once I get past all of that I am really at peace. As a single-parent it is ALWAYS easy to worry when finances are involved. You being to think about provisions, insurance, bills….all the bills lol! Yet, I am choosing not to go that route.

I’ve begun completing an average of 3-4 applications on a daily basis, I have a resume writer, and I’ve completed a few call screenings and interviews. Honestly, I was offered a job but I would’ve ended up losing money had I taken that position. The company was offering 5K more than what I make now, however, I would’ve needed to find before and after care for my child, increase my bi-weekly gas budget, add a lunch budget, and pay for my own license renewal….5K would’ve been easily lost. The company did not want to negotiate the pay even though my experience is exactly what they needed to build this position and department out so I turned it down. A win. I am also in the process of rebalancing my budget, there are things I can cut if I get laid off. I’ve looked into how long I can stay on unemployment, and I made a daily schedule…just in case. I am still applying for positions, but studying some things to assist in my pursuit of passive income. I am literally doing all that I can do.

I think it is important to have a plan and be ready to put it into action. I feel as though for the moment I’ve done all I can planning-wise. Actually, I think I’ve done all I can emotionally; after all, I’ve admitted how I feel about it and I’ve searched to figure out why I feel that way.

Aside from making sure I am not worrying, I’m honestly excited and relieved. I feel like the potential layoff gives me more time to apply for jobs, but also it gives me time to nurture my own pursuits, like my blog. All of this is preliminary, so I’ll have to keep you posted! If you’ve ever been in this position what did you do? What are some strategies you used to look for new employment but balance your pursuits? Comment below!

Good Enough is No Longer Good Enough

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My son is happiest when I’m home with him, there’s no getting around that. Working remotely has made that possible, it’s allowed me to organize and attend class parties, allowed me to attend all of his school functions, and it’s afforded him the ability to not spend 12+ hours away from home. In fact, if he was sick or when his class was quarantined, working remotely made it easier for him to stay home. I didn’t have to look for a sitter, I wasn’t out of extra money, and there were no issues.

Working remotely presented a few issues of its own, because it was remote I did not make enough. I actually justified staying in the low-paying job because it provided me with the flexibility of time. Not only was I able to do what was necessary with and or for my son, but I also didn’t have to work weekends and for the most part I did very little overtime. There was a rare occasion when I worked past 5P. What happens when freedom of time isn’t enough? Or worse what happens when the one thing keeping you at the job(work-life boundaries) get blurred?

What happens when you’re at a crossroads of needing more money and time flexibility? What does that look like in a country where the health pandemic has magnified the crisis that working mothers have faced for years? I honestly have no clue, no idea how or where to begin my search. I’ve been at this crossroad for a while now, and I honestly tried to avoid it. Each time I’ve had enough I pull out my reasons for why this job is good for us, but this time…it’s not working.

In all honesty, I don’t know what happens and I don’t know how to fix this. What I do know is I can’t continue to stay in a position that no longer fits my family’s needs. The crazy thing is in the midst of my unsatisfaction, I am still thankful. Thankful that I had the opportunity to work from home, thankful this job afforded me opportunities to be a better parent, and thankful that I learned what this particular season of my life needs in a job. I think being able to conceptualize and articulate my specific needs is probably the best gift I could’ve received.

Based on my needs I think it’s also important to step up my passive income pursuits and my entrepreneurial goals and timeline. We know most companies are not suitable for mothers. It’s time to make an exit plan and put it into action.

Absent Father Syndrome:

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Two-ish weeks ago I blogged about my son asking where is his father; I mentioned that his line of questioning tends to subside but not necessarily go away. While he’s currently not asking as much I am beginning to notice other effects of “where’s my daddy” syndrome. If you’ve read a few of my blogs, by now you know my son is a bit more observant than the normal two year old. I know that toddler’s super powers include sniffing out snacks, and asking questions but the level of questions mine asks….let’s just say he pays attention to everything. For example he’s already asking “why to everything”; or who; or any number of things he strings together; sometimes he even hits me with two questions at once. Like why does he already understand follow up questions?!? Any who, he’s extremely observant and this can be both a gift and a curse.

(In my opinion) there are a few things that make it a curse; one such trait is if he feels he knows a routine he won’t listen; he just keeps moving with what he thinks he knows then looks crazy when what he thinks should happen doesn’t. Another trait that makes him being extremely observant a curse is he watches intently then mimics what he sees. This is fine for positive behavior; learning manners and etiquette; washing hands; learning chores; etc but not the best thing when learning to groom. For example, there are two women in the house so at some point (even if we allow him to do something educational or watch tv JUST to keep him busy) he sees someone applying makeup. This is so irritating, as now he knows what makeup is and thinks it’s alright to play with the brushes. We explain to him that makeup brushes are NOT paint brushes and to put them down; and we also explain that makeup is something that women wear. We don’t admonish him; and we don’t berate him, we simply explain why makeup is used and whom it’s used by. I won’t necessarily say he gets it; but I know he hears us. We let him know that while women wear makeup men shave their faces. Then we find YouTube videos of black men shaving and show him. As of late I’ve also resorted to finding him a toy shaving kit. If anyone wants to purchase one for their son here’s my favorite ( https://www.lakeshorelearning.com/products/dramatic-play/dress-up-role-play/my-first-shaving-kit/p/PP889), problem is it’s sold out. The other toys I’ve found are a tad too old for him; and according to the reviews one is just not worth purchasing. I hope that once I get the shaving kit he can use that while we’re applying makeup or use it when we’re showing him videos of men shaving.

A second reason my son needs a male influence, he sees my heels and more often than not tries to put them on. They’re colorful and super cute so I understand why he’s attracted to them but this too has to be explained. Because there’s no male in the house for him to imitate he doesn’t see male shoes; or male clothes that aren’t his. To combat this issue when I’m out shopping I take him into the men’s section of the stores and let him pick out shoes he likes and then I slip his little feet into the shoes and let him stand and look in the mirror. We also go into the men’s clothing area and look around. I show him ties; dress shirts; hats(the bigger versions of what he wears now). We look at the mannequins and talk about how they’re dressed; what they have on. It’s still a lot though. This is not a constant thing as I’m not in the mall all the time and with “Shelter in Place” it’s going to be worse.

My child needs continuous male influence, he craves it; his behavior says so. Sure I can teach him to be a kind; smart; caring human but, I can’t teach him how to be a man. And if I’m being extremely honest I didn’t expect him to need to learn how to be a man so soon. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking; or if I thought about it at such a young age. What I do know is I have to make further adjustments; I have to figure out how to keep male behaviors in front of him so he knows and understands what to do.

From a woman’s perspective I need to hurry up and get married-lolbvs! However I’m not going to rush that. I refuse to settle or end up with someone who is TERRIBLE for both of us just because I was anxious to get a male in front of him. A terrible male influence can be worse than no male influence at all. Yet, I also don’t want to put him with my male friends too much and have him get the wrong understanding of the situation. It’s honestly a tough place to be in.

We Still Celebrated

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Over the last thirty days or so most states have been under a “Stay at Home” order. The orders have completely changed the way we celebrate everything (if those celebrations are even allowed). Before Resurrection Sunday my son and I weren’t necessarily affected celebration wise; however Resurrection Sunday was our first test. As the leader in this situation I had a decision to make; I could decide to shut the day down or I could decide to proceed as normal as possible. I decided on the latter.

First things first I continued making his Easter Basket. Since my son’s birth I’ve always made his Easter Baskets. I feel like it’s so hard to get good baskets for boys, and even harder to get functional baskets for a toddler so his have always been DIY. This year was no different. I’d decided on the theme of his basket and purchased the actual basket at the beginning of March. The initial theme of his basket was “Summer” and aside from some new reading books; socks; and boxer shorts it was going to include his daycare summer essentials. Once the “Stay At Home” order was extended to April 30th I decided to switch the theme of his basket to “quarantine survival.” Quarantine Survival included coloring books; sidewalk chalk; water paint; washable markers; sunglasses; bubble bath; place mats; and sunglasses (I also purchased a sliding board but it won’t be delivered until the end of April).

Secondly, I decided since the situation is new and since my son is more aware of things I’d start a new tradition. My train of thought behind that decision was basically I could allow him to remember Easter 2020 as “the year we were shut in” or I could allow him to remember it as “lit Easter or the Easter where we did fill in the blank.” Our new Easter tradition was to bake an Easter themed dessert. We made Rice Krispy treats with Easter M&Ms. We did a terrible job shaping them, but they were so good; and more importantly my son was so proud of his work!

Next, I love pictures. I love having his moments professionally documented. I couldn’t hire a photographer to come out and take photos so I put together a makeshift photoshoot. Using some of the Easter decor of the house and my son’s Easter Basket we went outside, used the portrait mode and timer on my Iphone and made it work! Pictures always mean coordinated outfits. I decided against my son’s original outfit as I had nothing to match. After scouring our closets I decided to revamp his outfit to something I could match….hence our #GoGreen phtoshoot (yes, we meshed March Madness and our Spartan love with our Easter photos). I’m no professional but my son had a blast and our photos look pretty good. Using one of our favorite photos I made an Easter card via Canva and texted it out. The text to family and friends allowed both them and us to feel connected during this time of social distancing.

As for church, we stayed in our dress clothes and went to virtual church! Since the “Stay At Home” order we’d been watching our virtual services in our PJs with breakfast, however because it was Resurrection Sunday I wanted him to feel as though we were at church which meant he needed to be dressed. This year he was excited to see the other children orate their Easter speeches. Of course that wasn’t going to happen this year so we taught him a quick speech and let him recite it to us, then gave him the loudest round of applause. No, we can’t go to church but we can certainly simulate the experience.

Finally we had our traditional Easter dinner. We love to eat so we don’t exactly need a holiday as an excuse to lay out a dinner. This particular dinner was different though as certain family members wouldn’t be in attendance; and because we couldn’t spend time visiting with my uncle who is in a nursing home.

We decided to celebrate!! Celebrating Easter 2020 was different and probably felt more isolated for most people but with a little help from technology and a lot of creativity we made it as normal as possible. It was extremely important to me that in such a time of uncertainty my son felt as normal as possible. It was important that a part of his childhood wasn’t blurred or marred because of this pandemic. More importantly it was important that my son realize that outward or worldly circumstances don’t affect us celebrating Jesus’ resurrection. I needed him to understand that without Jesus’ resurrection we wouldn’t have His blood to protect us everyday. I made sure that we celebrated with both old and new traditions one yes to create memories; but two to make sure he understands the true meaning of Resurrection (Easter) Sunday. We don’t celebrate only when things are good; we celebrate every year no matter what. He also needed to see that it was ok to celebrate without family members. He needs to see and understand that because unfortunately people will pass and one day not be there with us. I need him to know it is possible to make adjustments and that life still goes on. In conclusion social distancing Resurrection Sunday celebration was much needed, and a huge success. I’m thankful for everything that it brought and I encourage you to be creative and think outside the box (or Pinterest ideas) for your next quarantine celebration.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling: Week 4

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Week 4 and still learning, no seriously both of us are still learning!! No matter how many tweaks I make; no matter how much I plan; something will always happen that requires an immediate reaction. I’m not as uncomfortable with those situations as I originally was so I guess there’s that to be happy about. I realized my son loves movement and hands on activities so I’m hoping our routine is solidified enough for me to add in more puzzles without overexciting him. That will take another two to three weeks of testing. I’d originally thought about adding in some science experiments but decided we do enough science when we’re baking. I also want to incorporate more into our Nature Walks but I’m not sure how or what, this is something I’ll need to explore. As for his socio-emotional learning, I still haven’t figured out how to carve in a block to teach him about that. If you remember https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/28/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling-part-2/ I talked about having him watch “Daniel Tiger” for socio-emotional learning, however during week 2 I found out that was not a good idea. I take his meltdown moments to explain things to him but we have no set time for primary learning instead of tertiary learning. All in all I didn’t change the structure of the lesson plans from last week so let’s see how things went:

Day One: Mondays are always rough, lol!!!! The first lesson I learned this week. For some odd reason I only thought of Mondays being rough on adults, you know not wanting to work; not wanting to be present; wishing there was another day to sleep or lounge….turns out Mondays are that way for children as well lol!!! My son wasn’t off the charts behavior wise, we still accomplished quite a bit BUT it certainly took more time to make transitions. Unlike adults he wasn’t necessarily sluggish and lethargic, quite the opposite. He was full of energy!! Bursting, unconstrained energy!! I had to quickly figure out how to use his energy to our advantage. Good thing Mondays are music days at daycare. We did got through our normal morning routine then went for a walk; and had music before having lunch and bed. Music was thirty minutes of a stomping good time. I found a nursery rhyme playlist on YouTube and we danced and sang along. Having music directly after a twenty minute Nature Walk tired him right out. He was certainly ready for lunch and a nap. Somewhere in the midst of all the wackiness of Monday I realized he was able to recognize and point out quite a few letters; more than the two previous letters of the week! This made me very happy as it’s another testament to our hard work .

Day Two: In my opinion Tuesday of week 4 was a great day!! Not only can I see and feel the increased comfort level of both my son and I in our new found homeschooling situation but I also see him making more connections. In these connections he’s learning and beginning to gravitate towards things that I may or may not have had planned….or he wants to do whatever is planned in a different order than what I originally wrote out. Neither of those is bothersome, in fact I follow his lead and allow him to explore. I allow him to learn things his way and in his timing and I must say this is not stressful!!! Day 2 of week 4 we began to do a lot more hands on activities. For example we had a Scavenger Hunt to find things that begin with our letter of the week. We used his lego blocks to count and to review our colors. We used other toys of his to enhance the color review and to add into learning of shapes. For me today was the literal sense of learning while playing. Because today was another good day it also made another question of mine resurface; do I really want to put him into the school system or do I want to home school him? Not necessarily something that needs an immediate answer but certainly something to continue thinking about.

Day Three: If ever there was a screw this moment during the homeschooling stint today was the day. Not because of anything my child did not because I was sick or didn’t plan; and certainly not because there was an emergency. I was over homeschooling today because Mother Nature called. Today she was completely unforgiving and utterly merciless so I was moody, and in pain the entire day. On a normal day I can fight through this to get my career work done.Of course with the Stay at Home order in effect there was no outside work to do. I knew that and mentally took full advantage. My child’s “school day” started about an hour late; he wasn’t dressed for success and as a result for the first time in a week he needed a timeout during school. If I’m open and honest I did not care. My mind and body were not into this, nor were they up for it; and I couldn’t fake it. I don’t know how to fake a role I’m literally learning everyday. What I’m most proud of myself for is not getting down and depressed about my perceived setback! I’m proud of the “oh well we’ll just have to reroute tomorrow spirit I had.” Today (this doesn’t happen too often) I understood that wasn’t a spirit of mediocrity; I understood I was giving myself grace. You know what I’m thankful for? My mom, the career teacher who stopped loading her students up with online work to step in and educate my child for the day. I am incredibly thankful for her willingness to see I wasn’t into it and to take measures into her own hands. Not only did she have a good day with him; she even used my lesson plan. A thirty year teacher using the lesson plan of a 3-4 week teacher is a humbling thing lolbs!! Day 3 was definitely a reminder that failure when learning something new is inevitable, but it’s on you and how you choose to deal with it that counts….AND it’s how you indirectly teach your children how to handle failure and setbacks.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 3

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If you’ve been following this mini series you know this particular blog will detail days three through five of homeschooling under my new plan. If you need to catch up refer to https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/28/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling-part-2/ and then meet us here for the conclusion of week one under my new plan. As mentioned in The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 2 my mom decided to model “teaching preschoolers” for me. Her input was invaluable as she’s a thirty-four year veteran teacher who got her start teaching Headstart (3-5 year olds). She has patience that I won’t have in a million years; and the whole high pitched, excited voice thing is all her. I definitely couldn’t wait to watch her in action.

Day Three: Other than the recess switch and taking Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street out of my Lesson Plans I didn’t make any other edits. With that said he and I got up, got dressed, had breakfast, read our Bible Story, prayed, and then went into our daily curriculum. I read the first alphabet story to him, went over our alphabet flashcards, then we reviewed the letter of the week. After I was done with him I passed him off to my mom and she went through “a” words; letter “a” recognition; his “a” coloring sheets; and shapes and colors before recess. She was amazing!! He was so engaged the entire time; he answered her questions; and excitedly showed her his work for praise. He was eating out of the palm of her hand. She had circle time with him and incorporated his stuffed animals into the circle. I thought that was nothing short of brilliant; and he loved it because having his animals in the circle made him feel as if we were in actual school. We went out for recess which because of the great weather lasted about an hour. He had lunch and took a nap. Wednesday was totally different from both Monday and Tuesday. Yes, the calm music helped BUT her voice, energy, and creativity made all the difference. I felt as though for the first time in a week and a half he enjoyed the process. Wednesday was an all around productive day.

Day Four: Allow me to say I’m not my mother lol! I’m creative but not in the manner in which she is; I also am not a perky person nor do I have a high pitched voice; I’m nowhere near patient; I loath continuously repeating myself; and I’m extremely sarcastic. In a normal setting this works just fine for my son and I however in our homeschool setting my personality is not conducive to teaching preschoolers. However, I didn’t want to ruin his new found adaptation to homeschooling so imitating my mother was the only viable option. I couldn’t do exactly what she did so I found other methods that worked for me. For example I used the round of applause for him where we clap in a circle; I did the Arsenal Hall bark which my son loved; we sang the “Good Job” song; and I offered him choices. Things went very well for us. Because of his ideal behavior and superb listening we were able to incorporate more hands on activities to work on our weekly objectives. I was proud of myself that these hands on activities did NOT include any electronics. They were bored puzzles, matching cards, and arts n crafts, as well as baking. My son was learning and having fun and I loved it!!!! I didn’t copy my mom but I found what works for me and utilized it to enhance his homeschooling experience. For the second day straight not only did we successfully work on my lesson plan BUT more importantly he enjoyed it. Enjoyment meant retention which is exactly what I was looking for. (inserts fist pump)

Day Five: I gave him an abbreviated day on Friday; not because we didn’t have a good lesson plan but more because I felt he deserved the break. Yes we did our letter “a” activities; yes we counted but I only schooled him til 1pm(really 11:30 if you exclude recess, lunch, and his nap) instead of 4pm like at daycare. Friday was a review day and more hands on activities. We also haphazardly missed music on Monday so I gave him a short dance party to make up for it. Again he had a great day where you could tell he was learning and that he enjoyed it. Circling back to Day One and transitions these got better as well. In theory I didn’t change anything; he was still given ample warnings but I added two different things; one, I downloaded the Daniel Tiger Parent app and played the transition song around the two minute mark before the expected transition. He’s used to Daniel Tiger so that song told him exactly what to do, and because Daniel Tiger episodes have modeled what to do on several occasions he was with it. The second thing I added was his typical choice, for example “Do you want to move to the next fun activity or do you want to go timeout?” Well, he certainly doesn’t go to timeout willingly so he chooses to move to the next fun transition…..at which point I restate the instructions and we move on.

In closing the last three days of this week were a huge success. It proved to me homeschooling is possible and it works, while also showing me I have what it takes to do this. On the days that didn’t go so well it gave me more to analyze and look for answers and assistance. The routine and schedule are fairly set, it’s up to me to continue drawing up plans and to prepare before the school week starts. We’re going to continue to keep electronics out of the lesson plan becasue anything electronic throws him off. I also learned that homeschooling means I need to stay off my phone. I’m used to texting/emailing throughout the day so only having certain times where I answer text/emails is a challenging new mindset. Yet it needs to be done. .If you’re reading this and you have tips that will help improve our plan please feel free to drop them in the comments. I’m totally open to listening and further enhancing his homeschool. Thanks for reading and I’ll try to document any new experiences next week.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 2

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Last week I discussed how my first unplanned week of homeschooling went and detailed some changes I needed to make as well as why. This week I decided to document how things went; not necessarily because they went so well but because I wanted to share the journey. As I continue on the parenting and life journey I’m finding out that a lot of people go through the same things or at least similar situations, however few people are transparent about their struggles. When I started blogging I vowed to detail my struggles as well as my triumphs because I want(ed) my audience to have a full understanding and maybe even acquire some hope while reading. In keeping with that promise here goes:

Day One: hmm mm, well it went lol! It wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t the best either. For the most part we stuck to my/his daycare’s schedule which was great. There was story time; coloring; counting; shapes/colors….curriculum wise it wasn’t a bad day. I noticed our challenges were transitions; for example if I allowed him a certain allotment of playtime or YouTube (I made a playlist of the ABC’s, counting, shapes, and colors per the recommendation of one my good friends who is a kindergarten teacher) he would throw a tantrum mid transition. This was confounding for me because I always give him ample warning. It happened every. single. time. Because of his tantrums during transitions I decided to eliminate the playlist or any type of electronics. That meant no virtual storytime; no Daniel Tiger for socio-emotional learning; no Sesame Street to reinforce our lessons…none of that. This theory was tested the rest of the week so you’ll read how that went then. Nap and meal times weren’t so bad, those were actually pretty nice. There was a minor deviation from his daycare schedule and that was the early morning walk. Usually he and his classmates go for a walk before they start the day. We tried this on Monday and it does not work. Taking him for a walk and expecting him to settle down afterwards to learn was a rookie mistake at best. Therefore I moved his recess (usually playing in the backyard or a nature walk around the block) to thirty minutes before his lunch. With that new order he goes to recess; eats lunch; and then takes his nap. That was a heck of a lot more functional.

Day Two: I’ll call this the day of rebellion. I don’t think we got anything accomplished. My child ended up in timeout three times before 10am, clearly with that sort of morning I knew it was going to be a rough day. I tried rerouting several times several different ways, and I was defeated every at every turn. Even our morning walk was disastrous. He insisted on being carried for the duration of the walk instead of walking and I refused to grab the stroller so you can imagine the standstill lol! I tried baking coolies with him to calm him(we were going to do it anyway but I used it as a redirection) that didn’t work. I tried allowing him to cook with me-negative. If I’m being open and honest I even gave him his tablet. I had to handle something pertaining to my car note and needed him to be quiet so I purchased ABC Mouse; set it up; and gave him his tablet HOPING that would work, sadly it didn’t. In my opinion Tuesday was a total loss of a day.

Tuesday night I needed relief. I prayed and talked things over with my mother (who is a veteran teacher-34 years in). I realized in our “new” routine my son and I weren’t able to get our daily podcast in; This is important because our podcasts are always biblical based. We also weren’t having our morning prayer because well there was no car ride. After our lack of prayer and Word was revealed to me in prayer I knew I had to add in a Bible Story from his Children’s Bible before our “day” started. Secondly, my mom gave me some great tips. She talked about adding in calm music in the background of our day, as well as making sure I was giving him choices. She even volunteered to step in on Wednesday and show me how to teach a preschooler. That’s when things changed! Before reading days three through five feel free to play catch up and read https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/23/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling/This will give you some background information and bring you up to par.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling

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Much like most of America last week was the first week of me homeschooling my son. It wasn’t disastrous but I feel as though it could’ve went a lot smoother. I won’t lie I thought because he stays home with me two days a week that homeschooling wouldn’t be too much different; I severely underestimated. The problem is he’s accustomed to his normal schedule where the days he stays home with me are surrounded by days he goes to daycare. When he saw he was spending every waking moment with me he thought he could be spoiled and get his way….while I had other things in mind. This weekend I decided to take a hard look at where there was room for improvement and take it from there. 

1)My approach: I wasn’t taking homeschooling as “school” I was still in daycare mode. If he’s expected  to take me seriously as his teacher I had to take it seriously as well. With this new found perspective I immediately saw my flaws

2)Plan: unlike our daycare days I couldn’t rely on Pearachute; or a playdate with a friend. I couldn’t rely on running errands; visits with my elderly family members or even his favorite television shows to fill the hours between nap time. I needed a plan or else I was going to fail my son. However I couldn’t write a plan without setting some reasonable expectations for both of us as well as setting goals for the next month( I just want to be prepared) with weekly objectives to help us reach our goals. I also wrote a quick mission statement. 

Mission: I intend to use social distancing to enhance my child’s socioemotional understanding by helping him to de escalate  his tantrums; communicate why he’s frustrated (verbally/non verbally); and accept no (from my mom and I) more willingly. I also plan to use this time to further his counting skills; reinforcing the alphabet; adding more colors to his knowledge. Finally I plan to improve his motor skills through arts and craft, baking, and physical activities. 

Am I doing the absolute most?!? Yes, but can we do it; also yes. It sounds wordy but essentially I’m not trying to raise Einstein lol, I just want to continue building on what he’s learned and make sure he’s kindergarten ready when the time comes. My mission statement carefully lists all of my goals. Each of the goals is broken into weekly learning objectives. These objectives are what enabled me to write weekly lesson plans. Now I know what I’m doing, when, and how I’m doing things. This gives me a much clearer picture and allows me to prepare before each day. I anticipate the daily prep work will make our transitions smoother. 

Do I think things will always go smoothly because I wrote out plans?!? God, no! I do however feel the plans will decrease my frustration level with homeschooling and possibly enhance my productivity in other areas. 

3)Dressing the Part: I work from home, and I’ve done so for a long time. In fact before my son was born I started and ran a small business from my house. Because of this I am very well able to work in my pajamas and still be productive. My mindset doesn’t change according to my outfit as long as I know there is work to do with a goal in mind. Unfortunately my toddler doesn’t quite understand that. It’s no wonder then why he thought watching PBS all morning was an option. He was still in his pajamas!!! Clean, bathed but we weren’t going anywhere so pajamas it was. If homeschooling is going to work I’ll have to change him into school clothes. For that matter I’ll also need to change(leggings and a hoodie will do). I need to preserve as much of his normal routine as possible, and that’s where I failed last week. 

4)Regular Schedule: speaking of routines and normalcy that includes work, specialties and most importantly snacks. For example I know at daycare he has Music class on Mondays and Show and Tell on Wednesdays. I also know his snack, meal, and nap times. I need to follow those times as much as possible if I want homeschooling to be successful. 

5)Expectations: I mentioned this earlier but didn’t go in depth with it. While the expectations are more for me some of them are for him as well. Do I expect him to be able to count to 50 by the end of the month; no. I do however expect him to be engaged; be involved; listen; and at least make attempts. I do and will talk to him about what’s expected of him because it matters. 

6)Communicate: I admit in the hustle and bustle of everything I didn’t actually talk to him about what’s going on. When the week started my son was kept home because he had a cold. I had to nurse and take care of him so it’s a lot harder to communicate the larger scale of everything else when the main concern at that point was him. Now that he’s feeling better and it’s the start of a new week I need to sit him down and have the COVID-19 discussion with him.

7)Be patient and give yourself and your child(ren) grace: This is a brand new situation, one in which many of us are still adjusting to. Even if you made great adjustments last week this week may be about improvement and fine tuning. As parents that just how we operate. While yes you want to use the time you’re spending with your family wisely, it’s important to remember everyone is doing the best they can, and that includes you. Yes, enjoy your family but also remember to take some time for yourself. It can be quite daunting realizing you can’t escape the madness that is your family lolbvs! Slow down, pray, recharge, and then go handle it!! 

In closing I hope this blog helps you prepare to homeschool your children. It’s not fool proof but maybe some of my ideas can assist you and help you come up with things of your own! There are so many free virtual resources available right now. Tune into those, they’re extremely helpful. 

You got this! 

Quick Tips For Work From Home Moms

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COVID-19 has sent the Nation into a frenzy; rightfully so a lot of States are closing businesses and schools in efforts to slow the spread of the virus. This means a lot of moms will brave an unknown circumstance- working from home. While most people love the idea of working from home few actually want to when there are children involved. Perhaps it’s because of fear of lack of productivity, or maybe the adult interaction. At any rate for the next couple of weeks working from home will be a reality. I’m no expert but I do work from home everyday, and my son stays home with me twice a week(work week). It’s been an interesting seven months working from home BUT these tips have helped me and I believe they’ll help you too!!

1)Make a Schedule: For both you and your child(ren). It’s crucial to set a start and end time for your work day. You don’t want to work all day, but at the same time you need to work enough hours to ensure productivity. Honestly, even when I worked in office settings I never needed the full day to completer assignments. Because of this I tend to work shorter days now that I’m able to work from home.

As for your children they’re used to schedules from daycare or school and will crave the routine. Routines enable children to feel as though they’re in control; and anticipate what’s coming next. While your routine won’t be the same as the one they have at school be sure they have a routine for the duration of their home schooling (or at least your WFH days). If you know you have a conference call at a certain time try to schedule an independent activity for them to complete while you’re on the call. Or if you can schedule conference calls during nap time.

2)Set Deadlines: Deadlines are your friends! They will hold you accountable and determine the pace of your day. You know if you’re working ahead of time or if you need to play catch up. Now unlike being at work if a deadline involves your coworkers be sure they know the deadline. Set several Google Calendar reminders for both you and them, this will ensure everyone meets the deadline.

If you have older children and their education is being transferred to an online curriculum remember that comes with a certain amount of responsibility that they may be uncertain of. Write down their deadlines too have teach them how to use an online calendar and reminder system. If you don’t want them to have an online calendar system teach them about planners and writing down and keeping all deadlines. I find children/youth need a tad more direction with deadlines so help them make daily steps that will enable them to reach deadlines. For example if they have an essay due in one week write the due date on their calendar. Secondly, seven days out from the due date have them write they will brainstorm; six days out from due date have them find sources; five days out maybe a rough draft of the essay. This method keeps the assignment in the forefront as well as ensures it will be turned in on time.

3)Set Expectations: Don;t work aimlessly!! Work towards something, even if it’s a proposal for why you should be allowed to work from home a certain amount of days each week after returning to work.

Expectations for the children gives them something to work towards as well. For example my toddler thinks he can watch television all day if he stays home with me and well that’s not the case. His expectations are: to keep his play area clean; to work on one letter of the alphabet that day; to take a nap (lolbvvs); to work on his colors; body parts; and then maybe watch television. Of course the expectations change day to day and for you the expectations for your children should change according to their age. Be sure to keep the expectations for your child realistic. Also please don’t feel ashamed if you need to stick the kids in front of the television or ipad some days in order to get things done. I recently had to resort to that to handle an unexpected problem. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.

4)Take Hourly Breaks: No matter your surrounding work gets monotonous. Set your phone timer to take hourly breaks. This breaks will keep you rejuvenated and keep your blood flowing. During your breaks feel free to of course check on the kids but also to stretch, do a few body weight exercises; respond to missed texts and emails; and change your surroundings. Also be mindful to set another alarm to remind you to get back to work:)

5)Minimize Controlled Distractions: Unfortunately your children don’t count lol!!! Controlled distractions are your television; music; phone; and social media. If you focus on your work while you’re working and leave those things until your next break you’re certain to be productive AND more than likely you’ll finish working early for the day!!

In closing working from home isn’t perfect no matter how much you plan and schedule. The aforementioned steps just make things a tad easier. Always remember your schedule is an outline or guide; as with anything else with kids always expect the unexpected because well kids. Be as productive as possible; be patient; be proactive! It will be alright!! For more tips and tricks visit my blog home page…there’s quite a few things there.