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From Tantrums to Teachable Moments

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Prayer WORKS!!!!!!!!!! Lolbs!! If you read Toddlers -N-Tantrums: Return to Sender(https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/04/toddlers-n-tantrums/) you know I was absolutely OVER my child’s behavior. The thing about being a parent is you can’t give up; no matter how hard it gets; no matter how tired or frustrated you are; and no matter how over it you are…..you have to take a break regroup and keep going. So in true parenting fashion I put my son to bed forty-five minutes early; had another cup of coffee; and took a long hot bath to regroup. I felt so much better afterwards. I was undoubtedly more relaxed; able to think; but most importantly able to keep my mind off him. I had a few good laughs with my girls via text, and off to bed I went.

The next day my son woke up bright and early (much earlier than I would’ve liked) and again about ten minutes after waking up he threw a fit. Why?!?!? Only God in heaven knows. I ignored him, gave him breakfast and commenced to getting his clothes ready for daycare. Per usual I gave him advanced notice that we were going to transition from watching television and snacking to getting ready for school, then gave him the five minute warning, and then started getting him ready. On cue he begins his fit “NO, NO, NO” while screaming, kicking, and trying to wiggle out of my hug. My mom came over for reinforcements and attempted to put his socks on while I washed his face and oiled it and he kicked at her. I sat him up and talked to him about kicking while continuing to dress him and in the midst of his tantrum it clicked!!!!! His tantrums were reminiscent of a child with autism and he’d been watching, and displaying those signs of a meltdown. It’s officially been revealed why his tantrums have gotten worse, thanks God! Now for the fun part….teaching

Once it clicked I immediately knew where my child picked up said behavior: daycare. There’s a little autistic dude at the home daycare and my son frequently plays with him. Like all parents I’m protective of my son including his surroundings and friends. After realizing where my son picked up this behavior my immediate first thought was “he has to stop playing with that kid.” Instantly I knew that was wrong and certainly not the way this situation should be handled. If he’s playing with the child that’s a great thing and a huge parenting win. Him playing with the little boy shows compassion, and kindness two characteristics I’ve worked hard to teach; what I didn’t want was him imitating the behavior and that’s what needed to be separated. As it turns out God answered that for me as well. I looked at my son and told him he’s a leader not a follower; we don’t imitate bad behavior; reminded him he knows the difference between right and wrong; and that he we don’t go through his morning affirmations for nothing; but most importantly I told him I knew where the behavior came from and that while I didn’t approve of his behavior I was proud of him for being a good friend. As a toddler he’s more than likely too young to understand autism but I explained that sometimes people learn differently and can’t communicate their needs and desires which can trigger fierce tantrums/meltdowns. I explained his ability to communicate most of his needs and desires and so tantrums are disappointing. He said he understood and he immediately changed his behavior. For the first time in two weeks he wasn’t outright defiant, disobedient and in his case unbearable.

This won’t be the last time we have a conversation about his behavior; imitating others; and even diverse learners. And much like today he may or may not understand everything I’m saying. In preparation I’m going to find episodes of Sesame Street with the Julia Muppet and teach/reinforce that way.

I’m also proud of myself for recognizing the teachable moment when it arose and for attempting to handle it in a positive way. Had I stuck with my initial reaction I could’ve indirectly erased everything I’ve worked to teach my son about compassion, friendship, and being nice. My negative example would’ve been a lot to overcome. Instead (and most definitely because I prayed first) I was able to view the moment for what it was and use it to both praise and teach my son. We teach our children who we want them to become by what we model.

This two week build up has been extremely exhausting but in some weird way that only makes sense in parenting….it was worth it. I got to see a side of my child that I’m really proud of(his compassion); I got to see characteristics that will make him a great man (grit, determination, focus); but now I also have the opportunity to teach him and train him in real time about “different people” and how to help and be a friend to them while continuing to be himself.

Toddlers -N- Tantrums: Return to Sender

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I’ve never been one to bash any mother’s style. I’ve been a stay at home mom; a working mom and now a work from home mom so I understand the nuisances of each situation. No matter what type of mom you are you’re an amazing mom and only you know what’s best for your family. Do NOT let anyone guilt you over your decisions. Right now I want to send a special shout out to all the stay at home moms of toddlers!!!! Jesus Christ, I have no clue how you all do it! In my book you have the patience of saints because all the random tantrums of the day…..I just can’t lolbvvs!!!!


I work from home two days out of the work week(weekends not included) and my son stays home with me on those days. Today was one of our days together and I had it all planned out. We’d get up at our normal time and head to one of the Children’s museums in the area for a fun day then come home for lunch and a nap; I even found a coupon for discounted entrance. I woke up packed his snacks; got breakfast going; everything was going according to my schedule. Apparently he had other plans because ten minutes after waking up he threw the tantrum of life. Alright, one pre-breakfast tantrum I can manage; sure I think it’s too early for this; of course I have no clue what triggered him but you know what?!? Head down and keep it moving….or at least that’s what I thought. About an hour later he threw a second tantrum (at least this time I knew why) and this one lasted one hour. Yes, you read that right it lasted one full hour of screaming “no, no”; kicking; falling out; thrashing; and flailing. I walked away from him and went to another part of the house, he brought his tantrum to me. I was beyond disappointed in his actions and decisions, not to mention he completely threw off our schedule. More than that I was embarrassed…..thoroughly embarrassed…and we hadn’t even left the house yet.

At that moment I decided a thirty-five to forty-five minute drive to a museum was out of the question. Honestly, at that moment I decided we weren’t going anywhere at all. There was no way I was taking him out of the house for him to act like that in front of people. After he finally pulled himself together I talked to him about why his behavior was inappropriate and how he could’ve hurt himself. Per usual he told me he understood. I then allowed him to watch Sesame Street while I attempted to get ready. He was so calm watching Sesame Street that I debated interrupting him just to run errands. Somewhere in there I decided we’d get out of the house by running errands and instead of the museum he’d have to settle for the park. I managed to get dressed; we got out of the house; and ran all errands with NO tantrums.

Moms, I almost lost my sanity today. His tantrums were so off the chart I almost dropped him off at daycare so I could collect myself. I certainly didn’t want to leave the house. Not leaving the house or at least not wanting to leave the house with him is becoming a reoccurring theme. Over the last two weeks his tantrums have become worse. At this point if you tell him “no” he runs into a corner screaming and acts as if you just told him you were taking all his toys away. Along with the screaming, he’s now thrashing, throwing things, kicking the bed just to much worse than what they normally were. The only thing I’m happy about is he’s not volatile to the point where he will hurt others while at the climax of his tantrums. He doesn’t listen if you tell him to stop because he’ll hurt someone else BUT he does listen if you tell him he’s going to hurt someone else. Bright spot I guess….

While tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood they’re quickly becoming something that needs to cease. It’s extremely common for parents to feel embarrassed by their children’s tantrums and to my knowledge (I’m a first time mom so that knowledge is limited) society is just now empathizing with moms. While moms deserve the empathy unfortunately all moms/parents/guardians don’t receive said empathy. It was just a few weeks ago when video circulated social media about a young girl in Florida no older than the first grade who was arrested and booked by the police for throwing a tantrum at school(https://youtu.be/MSvWz6t3tfs). Her guardian wasn’t called until after the little girl was booked. Both the school district, and the criminal justice system failed this young girl and her family, but that’s another story altogether. With that type of repercussion there’s no way I can feel comfortable “just letting him outgrow this phase.” Again, I hate to bring race into my parenting blogs but in this instance it totally matters. My little black boy could very well go to jail for throwing a tantrum at school…which means there’s no room to allow him to outgrow this phase.

Since the beginning of his tantrum phase I’ve researched various ways to help him (and subsequently me) get through this. We need to learn self regulation as soon as possible. Here’s what I’ve read; tried; and why it’s failed (insert deep sigh)…

1)No Two Kids are alike: Of all the material I’ve read about toddlers, tantrums, and how to deal with them….none of this has worked me lolbs! Avoid tantrums by keeping the kids fed and full(more or less). This one doesn’t work for us because there are times where my son refuses to eat (toddlerhood) and well he fights a heavyweight battle to keep from going to bed every night. Yet, all the literature I’ve read suggests if you avoid your child being overly hungry or overly stimulated you should in theory be able to avoid a tantrum.

2) Time Outs May or May NOT Work: Not going to lie the leading literature suggests when placing a child in time out to use the one minute per year of age. For example, my son is 2 so 2 minutes should suffice. Well his daycare uses 5 minutes for all the preschoolers and that works there. He’s accustomed to it so there was no point in changing it. We use the same time out terminology and timeframe at home. Some days timeout works, other days not so much. Lately time out isn’t working at all. You can place him in time out, explain why he was in timeout and discuss better choices when he’s done but he comes out and does whatever he shouldn’t do all over again.

3)Ignoring my son NEVER works: You know how some articles say if you give the kid attention while throwing the tantrum that only gives them more ammunition to continue with the tantrum…well ignoring my son doesn’t work either. I happily go to another room (close by so I can monitor his tantrum) while he’s throwing said tantrum and he brings the tantrum to me. KID. YOU. NOT. if I wasn’t so frustrated right now it would actually be funny.

4)Redirection: To be very honest, when he’s older and knows when and when not to be persistent I will really appreciate his tenacity, and persistence. All that to say my son doesn’t quit; if he wants something he wants it and there is no amount of redirection that will change his mind. He’s quite the determined little person, so strong willed and focused. Again, I’ll love all of these characteristics in a few years but not at two.

5)Prayer: no article talks about this one, it’s my own little caveat. Some days we see a change in behavior when it happens…..other days it keeps me just barely patient enough to get to nap time without flipping out(inserts shrug).

In closing as you can see this was a bit of a rant blog(sorry), but I think it’ll spark a mini series on toddler discipline. I’m super curious to open discussions on how parents deal with things and see how parents feel about about societal norms, and “new school” discipline. As you can see I’m so lost(lol)!!! As for these tantrums-I have no idea how to get him through this phase. None of my research is helping; and honestly his tantrums have only gotten worse. Fellow parents, I need some help!!! What do you guys do? What have you done?!? I’m so far PAST over this. Please feel free to leave your comments in the comment section, help a Mama out!!

Potty Training Saga Part 2

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There are days where I want to sit and cry because I am so frustrated and today is one of those days. I am beyond overwhelmed and the reality is as much as I want to give up and take time to cry I can’t….cuz then shit just wouldn’t get done😩 It is in fact the never ending circle of single parenting: Shit gets tough, you have no one to turn to or in my case you don’t want to exhaust the only help you have; you want to cry, want to release your frustrations but honestly there’s no time because “things need to be done.” So what straw broke the camel’s back today? Is it the failed potty training expedition, the stubborn , clingy, toddler/mom needs a break thing; is it the I ant afford to do anything for myself thing; or is it the daycare cost too damn much, how the fuck am I expected to take care of anything else thing? How about it was all of that….no seriously it’s all of that. As I sit on the floor of my bathroom because I wanted some “me time” writing this my stubborn toddler fell asleep while in timeout. Honestly his falling asleep was best for both of us because I no longer had the patience necessary to deal with him. Day 3 of potty training has not show any improvements, dare I say it things I have gotten worse. My son pees the floor and shows no remorse. In fact when showing him the urine and telling him that’s a “no no and that big boys pee in the potty he proceeded to play in the urine. This was the third accident of the day, the second where he flat out showed no remorse and I was over it. Maybe just maybe you aren’t ready. I do NOT have money for diapers but I also no longer have patience for this shit. I put the diaper back on him and he goes “NO”…naw bruh it’s too late for no you should’ve acted right when I was trying. Crazy thing is I know he’s ready, not only does he love his big boy underwear but he pulls off wet diapers and brings them to me, he sits in the potty (most of the time), and he uses it with no problem. He hasn’t figured out how to poop the potty but whatever. The majority of his accidents are just bad timing…..as in I took him off the potty too early and he pissed his underpants. But today he’s being rebellious as all hell and so he refuses to go….and he’s being selectively rebellious…worse. Normally I’m not one to back down from a battle and certainly to one to back down from a challenge with my kid but this timeI don’t have it in me so fuck it you win. Back to diapers you go and back to mommy having to figure out where the diaper money will come from. As if I needed another reason to be frustrated with him he refused to pick up his toys. My kid loves to clean, he loves to straighten things and like most boys he LOVES the praise he gets when he knows he’s made mommy very happy. Over the last week or so not so much; you can praise him all you want and he still jus doesn’t care. Per usual I gave him the bag and said put the blocks in here he in turn told me “no” and snatched away. NIGHT NIGHT buddy, you’re not going to tell me no and think it’s ok….and that’s how I got my quiet time🤷🏾‍♀️

After he went down for timeout I sat to budget my next paycheck…huge mistake. Because of the way the first pay period in September falls I need to pay my daycare provider over $500 from my next check in order to make sure he’s covered. That sent me right over the edge. $360 for two weeks I would’ve been alright with and honestly was expecting that but $540?!?!?! That’s probably a third of what I’m going to receive. My kid needs school supplies and Lord let’s not forget diapers, I need to actually do quite a bit for myself PLUS I have other bills to pay and you want me to give up a third of my check? It may be more than a third because once combined with my car note I think I have $200 left. What the fuck am I suppose to do with that? My calculations sent me into a total talespin of “what and why the fucks?!?!” “What the fuck am I gonna do with $200? Why e fuck does daycare cost so much? Why the fuck am I paying so much for daycare when you’re still asking me to bring supplies? What the fuck am I suppose to put on the back burner this time? Why the fuck is his trifling ass sperm donor helping me? Why the fuck do you idiots think people are o;yo having one to two kids? Why the fuck are y’all wondering dumb shit when the answer is obvious? Who the fuck can I get in the family to watch him because this shit is fucking ridiculous followed by fuck everybody is dead. What the fuck and why the fuck…..now none of this shit actually helps me and honestly it probably does nothing more than keep me hyped up on my emotions….that’s why I call it a tale spin.

Crashing down rom my tale spin I retreat to the bathroom to blog and hopefully have a good cry in the shower….ten minutes of course can’t be in the shower too long in case the kid wakes up. As I type I still haven’t cried nor have I come up with any solutions, nor do I feel better about anything. This has been such a trying year. I honestly thought I was beginning to handle things a little better but as I can see that’s far from the truth. I sit here wishing I was married for the help yet knowing married couples have the same financial problems ESPECIALLY the daycare convo….hell I just listened to one of my married friends tell me this last week. I sit here wishing I made more money, I did the calculations when I switched jobs I need to bring home at least $2000 bi-weekly to afford full time daycare….my kid is currently part time daycare and let’s just say I have yet to hit $2000. The silver lining is at least with my current job there is potential to hit $2000 that wasn’t even a thought in the previous job. Crazy thing is I’m not sure if I actually wish those things or if right now I just feel those are the most obvious solutions to my problems. I sit here closing out this blog realizing I didn’t even tell y’all about day 2 part 2 potty training…I just skipped to the train wreck that was day 3. I guess I’ll have to hop back on and do that later. Right now I need some time to mentally and emotionally relax.