Tag Archives: parenthood

Coming Soon…

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In my last blog I detailed how my current position is no longer working for my family. Crazy thing is I started that blog a little over three weeks ago and edited it numerous times. In my opinion, it never conveyed my true feelings. I think there were so many emotions mixed in the realization that I needed to actively search for a new job that I hadn’t sorted through them. It’s one thing to know you need a new job, it’s one thing to look for a job, and it’s an entirely different thing for both you and your company to realize your current job is a dead end for both parties. Both parties’ realization of the obvious is what I believe left me most baffled.

I’ve had summer jobs since I was twelve and I am more than 10 years into my post-undergrad work life. I’ve started and run a business (until the birth of my son), I experimented with the thought of starting a second but realized the idea was great but it wasn’t something I was passionate about. Needless to say, I’ve not ever been disciplined, laid off, or fired. Anytime I left a company it was on my own terms and always for growth. I am potentially (our company hasn’t announced it yet, but we all know it’s coming) in the next round of layoffs at our company and not too sure how I feel about it.

My ego feels mildly bruised for reasons I’ll detail in another blog, part of me wants to worry (I refuse), but once I get past all of that I am really at peace. As a single-parent it is ALWAYS easy to worry when finances are involved. You being to think about provisions, insurance, bills….all the bills lol! Yet, I am choosing not to go that route.

I’ve begun completing an average of 3-4 applications on a daily basis, I have a resume writer, and I’ve completed a few call screenings and interviews. Honestly, I was offered a job but I would’ve ended up losing money had I taken that position. The company was offering 5K more than what I make now, however, I would’ve needed to find before and after care for my child, increase my bi-weekly gas budget, add a lunch budget, and pay for my own license renewal….5K would’ve been easily lost. The company did not want to negotiate the pay even though my experience is exactly what they needed to build this position and department out so I turned it down. A win. I am also in the process of rebalancing my budget, there are things I can cut if I get laid off. I’ve looked into how long I can stay on unemployment, and I made a daily schedule…just in case. I am still applying for positions, but studying some things to assist in my pursuit of passive income. I am literally doing all that I can do.

I think it is important to have a plan and be ready to put it into action. I feel as though for the moment I’ve done all I can planning-wise. Actually, I think I’ve done all I can emotionally; after all, I’ve admitted how I feel about it and I’ve searched to figure out why I feel that way.

Aside from making sure I am not worrying, I’m honestly excited and relieved. I feel like the potential layoff gives me more time to apply for jobs, but also it gives me time to nurture my own pursuits, like my blog. All of this is preliminary, so I’ll have to keep you posted! If you’ve ever been in this position what did you do? What are some strategies you used to look for new employment but balance your pursuits? Comment below!

If I’m Being Honest

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If I’m being honest (and I am) I am beginning to have some concern for my son’s mental well-being during the pandemic. I’ll admit because he didn’t start the pandemic asking a million questions, or showing any real signs of fear I’d hoped we got through the rough period. Actually I’d hoped that he wouldn’t recognize the change and wouldn’t recognize things were different. I’d hoped he’d be able to get out of this without really knowing what happened. However, I was wrong. Delay is not definitive of denial and that was the case with my son. As time progressed, as our Stay at Home Order has been extended I’ve begun to notice things. I notice how some days he’s reluctant to go outside; yet other days he doesn’t want to go back in. I’ve noticed the excessive clinginess; the random crying outburst for no reason. I can see the fear and curiosity in his eyes when he sees everyone in masks. He’s realized he can ride to the store but no longer go in. He’s realized he no longer goes to daycare to see his teachers and friends. He’s realized we no longer go anywhere; the park; church; the mall; playdates; museums; kids shows; no more Mommy and me outings; no haircuts; none of it! And while I thought I’d escaped having to discuss this with him he wants to know why.

My personal parenting philosophy is to tell the truth, with very little sugar coating. For example stories are stories and lies are lies. Yes I shield his sense of imagination; and his feelings. I understand he has very little emotional capacity but I try to be as straightforward with him as possible. In this instance it’s too much! Yes, he deserves answers; he deserves to know what’s going on; he deserves to know why his routine has been interrupted but he also deserves to have his mental state protected. 

If I’m being honest I don’t know where to start. The Stay at Home Order is a must; our abiding by the Order is another must as it’s the best way to ensure our safety, but I’m not sure how to have this heavy conversation with him. If I’m being honest I don’t want to have this conversation with him. We literally just talked about his absent father and from what I can see he’s doing alright with that. Why must I burden a 2 year old with a pandemic as well?!? I want to protect him; his emotional capacity; his innocence. I just no longer think it’s possible. It hurts me that my young son has to bear so much unnecessary pain. Because of this I am concerned for his mental state. I’d already planned to get him a counselor once he got older to talk about and work through both the pain of not having his biological father around and the trauma of being a black boy in America. However that’s in the future, I need to help his mental state now. I’ve worked as hard as I can to keep him on his daycare schedule; we go outside as much as possible; we engage in cooking and art; we have movie nights every weekend; we have dance parties; I make sure he hears our virtual church services and Bible Studies. We get involved in the Kid’s Zoom Meet Up for church; he’s had a virtual Playdate; and I’m feverishly searching for a dog; he needs a companion. Yet, I can’t help feeling like a failure when he randomly bursts into tears; or when he gets scared because he sees a face covering. Is this really the world my child is going to grow up in?!? I can’t help but wonder how this will affect him mentally and emotionally. I also can’t help but wonder what more can I do to help him.

If I’m being honest I feel this will have a significant affect on all our children. Missed milestones such as graduations, proms and luncheons; canceled dances, sports, and arts; celebrating birthdays alone. While it’s all necessary it’s a lot to ask of our children. My heart goes out to them because I understand their sacrifices are robbing them of dreams and prolonging goals. Our villages (family, friends, parenting circles) are being stretched thin trying to make sure our babies know we understand and yet celebrate and commend them. It’s a lot!!! And while I’m being honest my heart especially goes out to my son’s half sister who is being robbed of her eighth grade luncheon and graduation. Should I care, absolutely not because of how her father disregards my son but do I care; yes, I’m a Mother. I wish (maybe too strong of a word but all I can think of right now) I could be apart of her new celebration of achievement; I’d just want to make it memorable for her but as it stands-that’s nowhere near an option. That’s not necessarily something I mourn but…I’m being honest(inserts shrug).

If I’m honest none of us want to raise broken children. I don’t want to raise a broken son; his mental and emotional health mean the world to me. But since I’m being honest this is too much for any of us😩

Son, I Too Have Asked “Where Is Your Daddy?”

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Another month in 2020, another month under a Stay at Home Order. t was my intention to release this blog last week but I spent my free time searching for a dog for my son. No such luck yet, but the rationale behind him getting a dog is an entirely different blog altogether. I’ve recently written a few blogs detailing how my son has been questioning and for as much as a toddler can- working through the answer to his burning question “where is my daddy?” This is something that I’ve continued to both pray on and blog about. I’ve gotten some good suggestions from you all and for that I thank you. This particular blog is going to take a different turn. It’s something I wrote to my son’s father on my son’s first birthday but never sent. When I found it in the notes section of my phone I debated writing it out and putting it away for my son to read at a much later age-not because I want him to hate his father but because I originally thought it would help if he saw that he wasn’t the only one with that question. As I sat reading the letter I decided against writing it out for my son to read; I feel it’s too emotional and I honestly don’t want him to combine my past pain with whatever pain he may be working through at that (future) stage of his life. I also flat out just don’t want my son to worry about me, that’s not his job. I have however decided to share the letter with my readers. I want people to know and “see” that healing is possible. Yes, healing hurts and it takes time but it’s worth it. I want people to understand I wasn’t always strong, or forgiving. I want whoever needs to hear this to know someone once walked in your shoes; felt your pain; and plans to make it to the other side. The other side being not only healing and forgiving my son’s father BUT also opening my heart to love again. You, too can do this. So here goes:

11/13/18 this day was so painful. It should’ve been very happy and honestly in spurts it was but as has been the last month, there were random periods of tears. Yup, our child’s first birthday and I cried….several times actually. The first time I cried was because I wanted to text you, well obviously that wasn’t an option but I realized the very reason I wanted to text, you honestly wouldn’t have been able to share with me. I wanted to reminisce, recall what was going on at certain points, reflect on how we felt or reacted to different events on the day I brought our son into the world. Slowly, I remembered you weren’t there. I couldn’t reminisce or recall with you; and there certainly could be no reflection because you weren’t there. Flashback to one year ago, I needed you so much that day. I needed you to hold my hand; to calm my nerves; to reassure me that everything was ok and I was doing a good job….cuz well I didn’t believe the nursing staff. I thought they kept telling me that just to keep me calm, to keep my blood pressure and heart rate down, to keep me from throwing up. I remember finally deciding to get the epidural after approximately 24 hours of labor with very little pain meds thinking “I don’t want this but if I end up having a c-section I also don’t wanna be knocked out and in recovery for 2 hours and not being able to hold my baby. My baby needs to feel one of his parents within the first few minutes of life…not after 2 hours.” I agreed, and in came the anesthesiologist explaining to me that I needed to be very still while he was placing the epidural in my back, even if I had a contraction I had to be still. If I moved I could risk him hitting a nerve and paralyzing me. Welp, the first time he tried I had one hell of a contraction, moved, screamed….he jumped and barely got the thing in. He took a step back, looked at it said it was terribly placed and he was gonna take that one out and reinsert it. Sir, I barely got through one attempt now you saying you wanna do it again? I guess the second time was a charm because he placed it perfectly and once it was in I immediately felt the medicine(sweet relief). 

After getting the epidural I remember falling asleep, finally some peace. I woke up  2-3 hours later, got rechecked, assured I’d finally made it to 9cm (because if they were wrong again I would’ve found the energy to scream at them) and being told “whatever you do don’t push; we’re gonna break everything down and set up for your son’s birth.” The. Longest. 30. Mins. Of. My. Life. I wanted to push so many times while they were setting up. It took forever, or so I thought. Finally, the doctor came over and asked if I was ready to deliver I told him no. 26.5 hrs later, the moment I’d been waiting on and I told him no. He asked me why not and I told him you weren’t there yet and you couldn’t miss it. He gave me an empathetic look, stared right into my eyes and told me it wasn’t like the ultrasound where they could keep playing around until you got there. This was different and the baby couldn’t wait. It was time and I had no other options. Fighting back tears I took a deep breath and said ok. Thus the delivery of our son began. 

For as terrible as labor was delivery was  surprisingly easy. It took us about 30 mins. I wore the oxygen mask between pushes to ensure my levels stayed high and that the baby was getting enough energy. It took around 7 pushes, no seriously it didn’t take much. Around the 4th push I looked over at my mom and asked where were you? I whinned about you missing it and her response was he’s probably with his daughter. I asked if you’d texted for an update and she said don’t worry keep pushing…..which meant no. Again, fighting back tears I kept pushing and a few minutes later the most beautiful baby I’ve ever laid eyes on was born. For the first time of many over the course of the last year I had to put my feelings aside and care for him. He made that easy, he immediately snuggled right under me once he was placed into my arms. Which, by the way took a little extra time as they originally didn’t like his heart rate. After a few minutes, his heart rate slowed to a pace they were comfortable with, they cleaned him, measured, weighed in and placed him in my arms. True love at first sight. Looking at him made me happy; holding him made me happy; him snuggling into my chest made me happy. And suddenly I felt too much joy to be sad. All I could do was wish you were there too. 


It dawned on me yesterday while reminiscing on the day our son was born that the day of his birthday was the second time I felt he and I weren’t a priority in your life; unfortunately it was the first time I felt you rejected us. Yesterday I realized I hadn’t forgiven you for not being there, but how could I? You were not there the day I needed you most. On top of that you never apologized for missing it. Ok so you started a new job that day, but you could’ve came back after work. You could’ve called and talked to me, hell you could’ve FaceTime-d me. I would’ve at least felt like you made an effort had any of that been done. Instead you did nothing, you didn’t even communicate to me that you weren’t coming back. Yea, that was the first instance of rejection and that realization triggered this particular burst of tears. That’s our son’s birth story, now you know how it went…and as a result why I cried. 

Absent Father Syndrome:

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Two-ish weeks ago I blogged about my son asking where is his father; I mentioned that his line of questioning tends to subside but not necessarily go away. While he’s currently not asking as much I am beginning to notice other effects of “where’s my daddy” syndrome. If you’ve read a few of my blogs, by now you know my son is a bit more observant than the normal two year old. I know that toddler’s super powers include sniffing out snacks, and asking questions but the level of questions mine asks….let’s just say he pays attention to everything. For example he’s already asking “why to everything”; or who; or any number of things he strings together; sometimes he even hits me with two questions at once. Like why does he already understand follow up questions?!? Any who, he’s extremely observant and this can be both a gift and a curse.

(In my opinion) there are a few things that make it a curse; one such trait is if he feels he knows a routine he won’t listen; he just keeps moving with what he thinks he knows then looks crazy when what he thinks should happen doesn’t. Another trait that makes him being extremely observant a curse is he watches intently then mimics what he sees. This is fine for positive behavior; learning manners and etiquette; washing hands; learning chores; etc but not the best thing when learning to groom. For example, there are two women in the house so at some point (even if we allow him to do something educational or watch tv JUST to keep him busy) he sees someone applying makeup. This is so irritating, as now he knows what makeup is and thinks it’s alright to play with the brushes. We explain to him that makeup brushes are NOT paint brushes and to put them down; and we also explain that makeup is something that women wear. We don’t admonish him; and we don’t berate him, we simply explain why makeup is used and whom it’s used by. I won’t necessarily say he gets it; but I know he hears us. We let him know that while women wear makeup men shave their faces. Then we find YouTube videos of black men shaving and show him. As of late I’ve also resorted to finding him a toy shaving kit. If anyone wants to purchase one for their son here’s my favorite ( https://www.lakeshorelearning.com/products/dramatic-play/dress-up-role-play/my-first-shaving-kit/p/PP889), problem is it’s sold out. The other toys I’ve found are a tad too old for him; and according to the reviews one is just not worth purchasing. I hope that once I get the shaving kit he can use that while we’re applying makeup or use it when we’re showing him videos of men shaving.

A second reason my son needs a male influence, he sees my heels and more often than not tries to put them on. They’re colorful and super cute so I understand why he’s attracted to them but this too has to be explained. Because there’s no male in the house for him to imitate he doesn’t see male shoes; or male clothes that aren’t his. To combat this issue when I’m out shopping I take him into the men’s section of the stores and let him pick out shoes he likes and then I slip his little feet into the shoes and let him stand and look in the mirror. We also go into the men’s clothing area and look around. I show him ties; dress shirts; hats(the bigger versions of what he wears now). We look at the mannequins and talk about how they’re dressed; what they have on. It’s still a lot though. This is not a constant thing as I’m not in the mall all the time and with “Shelter in Place” it’s going to be worse.

My child needs continuous male influence, he craves it; his behavior says so. Sure I can teach him to be a kind; smart; caring human but, I can’t teach him how to be a man. And if I’m being extremely honest I didn’t expect him to need to learn how to be a man so soon. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking; or if I thought about it at such a young age. What I do know is I have to make further adjustments; I have to figure out how to keep male behaviors in front of him so he knows and understands what to do.

From a woman’s perspective I need to hurry up and get married-lolbvs! However I’m not going to rush that. I refuse to settle or end up with someone who is TERRIBLE for both of us just because I was anxious to get a male in front of him. A terrible male influence can be worse than no male influence at all. Yet, I also don’t want to put him with my male friends too much and have him get the wrong understanding of the situation. It’s honestly a tough place to be in.

We Still Celebrated

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Over the last thirty days or so most states have been under a “Stay at Home” order. The orders have completely changed the way we celebrate everything (if those celebrations are even allowed). Before Resurrection Sunday my son and I weren’t necessarily affected celebration wise; however Resurrection Sunday was our first test. As the leader in this situation I had a decision to make; I could decide to shut the day down or I could decide to proceed as normal as possible. I decided on the latter.

First things first I continued making his Easter Basket. Since my son’s birth I’ve always made his Easter Baskets. I feel like it’s so hard to get good baskets for boys, and even harder to get functional baskets for a toddler so his have always been DIY. This year was no different. I’d decided on the theme of his basket and purchased the actual basket at the beginning of March. The initial theme of his basket was “Summer” and aside from some new reading books; socks; and boxer shorts it was going to include his daycare summer essentials. Once the “Stay At Home” order was extended to April 30th I decided to switch the theme of his basket to “quarantine survival.” Quarantine Survival included coloring books; sidewalk chalk; water paint; washable markers; sunglasses; bubble bath; place mats; and sunglasses (I also purchased a sliding board but it won’t be delivered until the end of April).

Secondly, I decided since the situation is new and since my son is more aware of things I’d start a new tradition. My train of thought behind that decision was basically I could allow him to remember Easter 2020 as “the year we were shut in” or I could allow him to remember it as “lit Easter or the Easter where we did fill in the blank.” Our new Easter tradition was to bake an Easter themed dessert. We made Rice Krispy treats with Easter M&Ms. We did a terrible job shaping them, but they were so good; and more importantly my son was so proud of his work!

Next, I love pictures. I love having his moments professionally documented. I couldn’t hire a photographer to come out and take photos so I put together a makeshift photoshoot. Using some of the Easter decor of the house and my son’s Easter Basket we went outside, used the portrait mode and timer on my Iphone and made it work! Pictures always mean coordinated outfits. I decided against my son’s original outfit as I had nothing to match. After scouring our closets I decided to revamp his outfit to something I could match….hence our #GoGreen phtoshoot (yes, we meshed March Madness and our Spartan love with our Easter photos). I’m no professional but my son had a blast and our photos look pretty good. Using one of our favorite photos I made an Easter card via Canva and texted it out. The text to family and friends allowed both them and us to feel connected during this time of social distancing.

As for church, we stayed in our dress clothes and went to virtual church! Since the “Stay At Home” order we’d been watching our virtual services in our PJs with breakfast, however because it was Resurrection Sunday I wanted him to feel as though we were at church which meant he needed to be dressed. This year he was excited to see the other children orate their Easter speeches. Of course that wasn’t going to happen this year so we taught him a quick speech and let him recite it to us, then gave him the loudest round of applause. No, we can’t go to church but we can certainly simulate the experience.

Finally we had our traditional Easter dinner. We love to eat so we don’t exactly need a holiday as an excuse to lay out a dinner. This particular dinner was different though as certain family members wouldn’t be in attendance; and because we couldn’t spend time visiting with my uncle who is in a nursing home.

We decided to celebrate!! Celebrating Easter 2020 was different and probably felt more isolated for most people but with a little help from technology and a lot of creativity we made it as normal as possible. It was extremely important to me that in such a time of uncertainty my son felt as normal as possible. It was important that a part of his childhood wasn’t blurred or marred because of this pandemic. More importantly it was important that my son realize that outward or worldly circumstances don’t affect us celebrating Jesus’ resurrection. I needed him to understand that without Jesus’ resurrection we wouldn’t have His blood to protect us everyday. I made sure that we celebrated with both old and new traditions one yes to create memories; but two to make sure he understands the true meaning of Resurrection (Easter) Sunday. We don’t celebrate only when things are good; we celebrate every year no matter what. He also needed to see that it was ok to celebrate without family members. He needs to see and understand that because unfortunately people will pass and one day not be there with us. I need him to know it is possible to make adjustments and that life still goes on. In conclusion social distancing Resurrection Sunday celebration was much needed, and a huge success. I’m thankful for everything that it brought and I encourage you to be creative and think outside the box (or Pinterest ideas) for your next quarantine celebration.

Where’s My Daddy?

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I decided to take a break from logging my homeschool experience to write about another incident that peaked about a week or so ago. Obviously you know where this is going because of the title so allow me to build the excitement a bit. One of the questions I knew I’d eventually have to answer is “where’s my father?” Because of the pain of rejection associated with the question I’d always hoped I was engaged or married when my son asked this; but I also hoped he wouldn’t ask before maybe four or five years of age. Engaged and or married to my son’s “new” father was optimal as it allowed me and my husband to jointly explain that his biological father chose to leave however his “new” father made a much tougher decision by choosing to love him. We’d explain how choosing to actively love; raise; and be in his life was a positive choice and it was one that everyone could be happy and at peace with. He’d understand both the power of choices AND the power of love. Older, allowed my son to better communicate his potential pain; questions; anger; any emotion he felt. Older allowed me/us to understand what he was feeling, and even if he tried to hide it we’d be able to figure it out based on his actions.

I prayed to God that I’d be engaged or married AND that my son would be older when he asked about his father; however neither was the case. My son initially asked about his father in November of 2019. He’d just turned two and in my mind this was much too heavy a topic for a two year old to discuss. Attempting to spare his feelings I ignored his question; needless to say that didn’t work long. He began frequently asking in which case I answered “I don’t know.” Again, a short, quick answer in attempt to avoid a conversation. Extremely uncomfortable with him asking about his dad I talked to his godfather and asked him to spend a little more time with him and to try to make it to his Christmas play (I was almost certain my son realized the other children’s fathers were at the Thanksgiving Play but not his). I also explained the situation to my mom and my son’s two godmothers and asked the three of them to stand in prayer with me for how to deal with the situation. After about one month my son stopped asking about his father. Thank GOD!!!! Thinking we were passed the situation I totally stopped praying about it and I subsequently told my mom and his godparents that he’d stop asking.

My relief was short lived; in February of this year (2020) my son started the “where’s my daddy” question again. In fact in my opinion it had gotten worse because now not only was he asking where his father was but if he saw a man (and I do mean any random man) he’d ask “is that my daddy” or shout “Daddy!” I wasn’t necessarily embarrassed by him calling other random men “Daddy” which is a first(but I believe I wasn’t embarrassed because they couldn’t hear him). I would however explain to my son the man in question wasn’t his father and I don’t know where his father is. Shocked and somewhat irritated at this question’s continuous re occurrence I again told my mother and his godparents. In separate conversations we all agreed there was no point in contacting his father, after all he did walkout on him. What was contacting him going to accomplish? We began praying about the situation again, but I took it a step further and asked one of his godmothers who is divorced how would she deal with it if we were in this situation with one of her children. Her answer wasn’t necessarily one I agreed with nor wanted to hear; she said she’d tell them the truth. I quickly disputed her answer saying it was different because her children were older. She responded with “that may be true but even if they were his age I’d tell them the truth…they deserve to know.” As much as I hated to admit she was right, he did deserve to know but why so soon? Was that really the only way to handle this?

A couple of weeks after this conversation with his divorced godmother my son threw one of his grand tantrums. He was kicking; screaming no; pushing off; just full blown shenanigans all because he couldn’t get his way. Somewhere in the conversation I told him that his current behavior was making it really hard to enjoy him and want to do things with him; and that was a huge problem for him as I was the only parent he had. I could see the intrigue on his face so I explained-he’d been asking about his father and the truth is he doesn’t have an earthly father. He has a Heavenly Father, one who loves him dearly; and He hadn’t sent him an earthly father yet. One day He will but until then all he (my son) has is his Heavenly Father and me. We’re a team and we have to work together and have one another’s back.

My son was heartbroken at hearing he didn’t have an earthly father. I had to remind him that I loved him and would always be here for him. His tantrum subsided but now he was sad. While I was hurt by his sadness and heart brokenness so early in life I was relieved it was out. He knew the truth but he was also reassured; and it was in the softest most truthful way I could imagine telling him. Because he’s too young to remember our talk he still randomly asks. I remind him of our talk and tell him to keep praying for an earthly father. This has been extremely difficult. I believe more than anything it was the one part of single parenting that I didn’t want to deal with. Yet it was unavoidable so it was equally important to deal with my own pain in order to be able to help him deal with his. It’s not over by far but the saving grace is I worked through my own healing therefore I can focus on his.

I wish this was avoidable; I wish it would’ve gone the way I wanted it to but for some reason it didn’t. I honestly don’t have time to dwell on the issue nor do I have time to sit and pout. All I can do at this point is attempt to keep him around positive male influences; and continue praying for the right person to come into our lives. If you have any suggestions or you’ve been through this and handled it in a different and successful way please feel free to comment below.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling: Week 4

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Week 4 and still learning, no seriously both of us are still learning!! No matter how many tweaks I make; no matter how much I plan; something will always happen that requires an immediate reaction. I’m not as uncomfortable with those situations as I originally was so I guess there’s that to be happy about. I realized my son loves movement and hands on activities so I’m hoping our routine is solidified enough for me to add in more puzzles without overexciting him. That will take another two to three weeks of testing. I’d originally thought about adding in some science experiments but decided we do enough science when we’re baking. I also want to incorporate more into our Nature Walks but I’m not sure how or what, this is something I’ll need to explore. As for his socio-emotional learning, I still haven’t figured out how to carve in a block to teach him about that. If you remember https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/28/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling-part-2/ I talked about having him watch “Daniel Tiger” for socio-emotional learning, however during week 2 I found out that was not a good idea. I take his meltdown moments to explain things to him but we have no set time for primary learning instead of tertiary learning. All in all I didn’t change the structure of the lesson plans from last week so let’s see how things went:

Day One: Mondays are always rough, lol!!!! The first lesson I learned this week. For some odd reason I only thought of Mondays being rough on adults, you know not wanting to work; not wanting to be present; wishing there was another day to sleep or lounge….turns out Mondays are that way for children as well lol!!! My son wasn’t off the charts behavior wise, we still accomplished quite a bit BUT it certainly took more time to make transitions. Unlike adults he wasn’t necessarily sluggish and lethargic, quite the opposite. He was full of energy!! Bursting, unconstrained energy!! I had to quickly figure out how to use his energy to our advantage. Good thing Mondays are music days at daycare. We did got through our normal morning routine then went for a walk; and had music before having lunch and bed. Music was thirty minutes of a stomping good time. I found a nursery rhyme playlist on YouTube and we danced and sang along. Having music directly after a twenty minute Nature Walk tired him right out. He was certainly ready for lunch and a nap. Somewhere in the midst of all the wackiness of Monday I realized he was able to recognize and point out quite a few letters; more than the two previous letters of the week! This made me very happy as it’s another testament to our hard work .

Day Two: In my opinion Tuesday of week 4 was a great day!! Not only can I see and feel the increased comfort level of both my son and I in our new found homeschooling situation but I also see him making more connections. In these connections he’s learning and beginning to gravitate towards things that I may or may not have had planned….or he wants to do whatever is planned in a different order than what I originally wrote out. Neither of those is bothersome, in fact I follow his lead and allow him to explore. I allow him to learn things his way and in his timing and I must say this is not stressful!!! Day 2 of week 4 we began to do a lot more hands on activities. For example we had a Scavenger Hunt to find things that begin with our letter of the week. We used his lego blocks to count and to review our colors. We used other toys of his to enhance the color review and to add into learning of shapes. For me today was the literal sense of learning while playing. Because today was another good day it also made another question of mine resurface; do I really want to put him into the school system or do I want to home school him? Not necessarily something that needs an immediate answer but certainly something to continue thinking about.

Day Three: If ever there was a screw this moment during the homeschooling stint today was the day. Not because of anything my child did not because I was sick or didn’t plan; and certainly not because there was an emergency. I was over homeschooling today because Mother Nature called. Today she was completely unforgiving and utterly merciless so I was moody, and in pain the entire day. On a normal day I can fight through this to get my career work done.Of course with the Stay at Home order in effect there was no outside work to do. I knew that and mentally took full advantage. My child’s “school day” started about an hour late; he wasn’t dressed for success and as a result for the first time in a week he needed a timeout during school. If I’m open and honest I did not care. My mind and body were not into this, nor were they up for it; and I couldn’t fake it. I don’t know how to fake a role I’m literally learning everyday. What I’m most proud of myself for is not getting down and depressed about my perceived setback! I’m proud of the “oh well we’ll just have to reroute tomorrow spirit I had.” Today (this doesn’t happen too often) I understood that wasn’t a spirit of mediocrity; I understood I was giving myself grace. You know what I’m thankful for? My mom, the career teacher who stopped loading her students up with online work to step in and educate my child for the day. I am incredibly thankful for her willingness to see I wasn’t into it and to take measures into her own hands. Not only did she have a good day with him; she even used my lesson plan. A thirty year teacher using the lesson plan of a 3-4 week teacher is a humbling thing lolbs!! Day 3 was definitely a reminder that failure when learning something new is inevitable, but it’s on you and how you choose to deal with it that counts….AND it’s how you indirectly teach your children how to handle failure and setbacks.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 3

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If you’ve been following this mini series you know this particular blog will detail days three through five of homeschooling under my new plan. If you need to catch up refer to https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/28/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling-part-2/ and then meet us here for the conclusion of week one under my new plan. As mentioned in The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 2 my mom decided to model “teaching preschoolers” for me. Her input was invaluable as she’s a thirty-four year veteran teacher who got her start teaching Headstart (3-5 year olds). She has patience that I won’t have in a million years; and the whole high pitched, excited voice thing is all her. I definitely couldn’t wait to watch her in action.

Day Three: Other than the recess switch and taking Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street out of my Lesson Plans I didn’t make any other edits. With that said he and I got up, got dressed, had breakfast, read our Bible Story, prayed, and then went into our daily curriculum. I read the first alphabet story to him, went over our alphabet flashcards, then we reviewed the letter of the week. After I was done with him I passed him off to my mom and she went through “a” words; letter “a” recognition; his “a” coloring sheets; and shapes and colors before recess. She was amazing!! He was so engaged the entire time; he answered her questions; and excitedly showed her his work for praise. He was eating out of the palm of her hand. She had circle time with him and incorporated his stuffed animals into the circle. I thought that was nothing short of brilliant; and he loved it because having his animals in the circle made him feel as if we were in actual school. We went out for recess which because of the great weather lasted about an hour. He had lunch and took a nap. Wednesday was totally different from both Monday and Tuesday. Yes, the calm music helped BUT her voice, energy, and creativity made all the difference. I felt as though for the first time in a week and a half he enjoyed the process. Wednesday was an all around productive day.

Day Four: Allow me to say I’m not my mother lol! I’m creative but not in the manner in which she is; I also am not a perky person nor do I have a high pitched voice; I’m nowhere near patient; I loath continuously repeating myself; and I’m extremely sarcastic. In a normal setting this works just fine for my son and I however in our homeschool setting my personality is not conducive to teaching preschoolers. However, I didn’t want to ruin his new found adaptation to homeschooling so imitating my mother was the only viable option. I couldn’t do exactly what she did so I found other methods that worked for me. For example I used the round of applause for him where we clap in a circle; I did the Arsenal Hall bark which my son loved; we sang the “Good Job” song; and I offered him choices. Things went very well for us. Because of his ideal behavior and superb listening we were able to incorporate more hands on activities to work on our weekly objectives. I was proud of myself that these hands on activities did NOT include any electronics. They were bored puzzles, matching cards, and arts n crafts, as well as baking. My son was learning and having fun and I loved it!!!! I didn’t copy my mom but I found what works for me and utilized it to enhance his homeschooling experience. For the second day straight not only did we successfully work on my lesson plan BUT more importantly he enjoyed it. Enjoyment meant retention which is exactly what I was looking for. (inserts fist pump)

Day Five: I gave him an abbreviated day on Friday; not because we didn’t have a good lesson plan but more because I felt he deserved the break. Yes we did our letter “a” activities; yes we counted but I only schooled him til 1pm(really 11:30 if you exclude recess, lunch, and his nap) instead of 4pm like at daycare. Friday was a review day and more hands on activities. We also haphazardly missed music on Monday so I gave him a short dance party to make up for it. Again he had a great day where you could tell he was learning and that he enjoyed it. Circling back to Day One and transitions these got better as well. In theory I didn’t change anything; he was still given ample warnings but I added two different things; one, I downloaded the Daniel Tiger Parent app and played the transition song around the two minute mark before the expected transition. He’s used to Daniel Tiger so that song told him exactly what to do, and because Daniel Tiger episodes have modeled what to do on several occasions he was with it. The second thing I added was his typical choice, for example “Do you want to move to the next fun activity or do you want to go timeout?” Well, he certainly doesn’t go to timeout willingly so he chooses to move to the next fun transition…..at which point I restate the instructions and we move on.

In closing the last three days of this week were a huge success. It proved to me homeschooling is possible and it works, while also showing me I have what it takes to do this. On the days that didn’t go so well it gave me more to analyze and look for answers and assistance. The routine and schedule are fairly set, it’s up to me to continue drawing up plans and to prepare before the school week starts. We’re going to continue to keep electronics out of the lesson plan becasue anything electronic throws him off. I also learned that homeschooling means I need to stay off my phone. I’m used to texting/emailing throughout the day so only having certain times where I answer text/emails is a challenging new mindset. Yet it needs to be done. .If you’re reading this and you have tips that will help improve our plan please feel free to drop them in the comments. I’m totally open to listening and further enhancing his homeschool. Thanks for reading and I’ll try to document any new experiences next week.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 2

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Last week I discussed how my first unplanned week of homeschooling went and detailed some changes I needed to make as well as why. This week I decided to document how things went; not necessarily because they went so well but because I wanted to share the journey. As I continue on the parenting and life journey I’m finding out that a lot of people go through the same things or at least similar situations, however few people are transparent about their struggles. When I started blogging I vowed to detail my struggles as well as my triumphs because I want(ed) my audience to have a full understanding and maybe even acquire some hope while reading. In keeping with that promise here goes:

Day One: hmm mm, well it went lol! It wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t the best either. For the most part we stuck to my/his daycare’s schedule which was great. There was story time; coloring; counting; shapes/colors….curriculum wise it wasn’t a bad day. I noticed our challenges were transitions; for example if I allowed him a certain allotment of playtime or YouTube (I made a playlist of the ABC’s, counting, shapes, and colors per the recommendation of one my good friends who is a kindergarten teacher) he would throw a tantrum mid transition. This was confounding for me because I always give him ample warning. It happened every. single. time. Because of his tantrums during transitions I decided to eliminate the playlist or any type of electronics. That meant no virtual storytime; no Daniel Tiger for socio-emotional learning; no Sesame Street to reinforce our lessons…none of that. This theory was tested the rest of the week so you’ll read how that went then. Nap and meal times weren’t so bad, those were actually pretty nice. There was a minor deviation from his daycare schedule and that was the early morning walk. Usually he and his classmates go for a walk before they start the day. We tried this on Monday and it does not work. Taking him for a walk and expecting him to settle down afterwards to learn was a rookie mistake at best. Therefore I moved his recess (usually playing in the backyard or a nature walk around the block) to thirty minutes before his lunch. With that new order he goes to recess; eats lunch; and then takes his nap. That was a heck of a lot more functional.

Day Two: I’ll call this the day of rebellion. I don’t think we got anything accomplished. My child ended up in timeout three times before 10am, clearly with that sort of morning I knew it was going to be a rough day. I tried rerouting several times several different ways, and I was defeated every at every turn. Even our morning walk was disastrous. He insisted on being carried for the duration of the walk instead of walking and I refused to grab the stroller so you can imagine the standstill lol! I tried baking coolies with him to calm him(we were going to do it anyway but I used it as a redirection) that didn’t work. I tried allowing him to cook with me-negative. If I’m being open and honest I even gave him his tablet. I had to handle something pertaining to my car note and needed him to be quiet so I purchased ABC Mouse; set it up; and gave him his tablet HOPING that would work, sadly it didn’t. In my opinion Tuesday was a total loss of a day.

Tuesday night I needed relief. I prayed and talked things over with my mother (who is a veteran teacher-34 years in). I realized in our “new” routine my son and I weren’t able to get our daily podcast in; This is important because our podcasts are always biblical based. We also weren’t having our morning prayer because well there was no car ride. After our lack of prayer and Word was revealed to me in prayer I knew I had to add in a Bible Story from his Children’s Bible before our “day” started. Secondly, my mom gave me some great tips. She talked about adding in calm music in the background of our day, as well as making sure I was giving him choices. She even volunteered to step in on Wednesday and show me how to teach a preschooler. That’s when things changed! Before reading days three through five feel free to play catch up and read https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/23/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling/This will give you some background information and bring you up to par.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling

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Much like most of America last week was the first week of me homeschooling my son. It wasn’t disastrous but I feel as though it could’ve went a lot smoother. I won’t lie I thought because he stays home with me two days a week that homeschooling wouldn’t be too much different; I severely underestimated. The problem is he’s accustomed to his normal schedule where the days he stays home with me are surrounded by days he goes to daycare. When he saw he was spending every waking moment with me he thought he could be spoiled and get his way….while I had other things in mind. This weekend I decided to take a hard look at where there was room for improvement and take it from there. 

1)My approach: I wasn’t taking homeschooling as “school” I was still in daycare mode. If he’s expected  to take me seriously as his teacher I had to take it seriously as well. With this new found perspective I immediately saw my flaws

2)Plan: unlike our daycare days I couldn’t rely on Pearachute; or a playdate with a friend. I couldn’t rely on running errands; visits with my elderly family members or even his favorite television shows to fill the hours between nap time. I needed a plan or else I was going to fail my son. However I couldn’t write a plan without setting some reasonable expectations for both of us as well as setting goals for the next month( I just want to be prepared) with weekly objectives to help us reach our goals. I also wrote a quick mission statement. 

Mission: I intend to use social distancing to enhance my child’s socioemotional understanding by helping him to de escalate  his tantrums; communicate why he’s frustrated (verbally/non verbally); and accept no (from my mom and I) more willingly. I also plan to use this time to further his counting skills; reinforcing the alphabet; adding more colors to his knowledge. Finally I plan to improve his motor skills through arts and craft, baking, and physical activities. 

Am I doing the absolute most?!? Yes, but can we do it; also yes. It sounds wordy but essentially I’m not trying to raise Einstein lol, I just want to continue building on what he’s learned and make sure he’s kindergarten ready when the time comes. My mission statement carefully lists all of my goals. Each of the goals is broken into weekly learning objectives. These objectives are what enabled me to write weekly lesson plans. Now I know what I’m doing, when, and how I’m doing things. This gives me a much clearer picture and allows me to prepare before each day. I anticipate the daily prep work will make our transitions smoother. 

Do I think things will always go smoothly because I wrote out plans?!? God, no! I do however feel the plans will decrease my frustration level with homeschooling and possibly enhance my productivity in other areas. 

3)Dressing the Part: I work from home, and I’ve done so for a long time. In fact before my son was born I started and ran a small business from my house. Because of this I am very well able to work in my pajamas and still be productive. My mindset doesn’t change according to my outfit as long as I know there is work to do with a goal in mind. Unfortunately my toddler doesn’t quite understand that. It’s no wonder then why he thought watching PBS all morning was an option. He was still in his pajamas!!! Clean, bathed but we weren’t going anywhere so pajamas it was. If homeschooling is going to work I’ll have to change him into school clothes. For that matter I’ll also need to change(leggings and a hoodie will do). I need to preserve as much of his normal routine as possible, and that’s where I failed last week. 

4)Regular Schedule: speaking of routines and normalcy that includes work, specialties and most importantly snacks. For example I know at daycare he has Music class on Mondays and Show and Tell on Wednesdays. I also know his snack, meal, and nap times. I need to follow those times as much as possible if I want homeschooling to be successful. 

5)Expectations: I mentioned this earlier but didn’t go in depth with it. While the expectations are more for me some of them are for him as well. Do I expect him to be able to count to 50 by the end of the month; no. I do however expect him to be engaged; be involved; listen; and at least make attempts. I do and will talk to him about what’s expected of him because it matters. 

6)Communicate: I admit in the hustle and bustle of everything I didn’t actually talk to him about what’s going on. When the week started my son was kept home because he had a cold. I had to nurse and take care of him so it’s a lot harder to communicate the larger scale of everything else when the main concern at that point was him. Now that he’s feeling better and it’s the start of a new week I need to sit him down and have the COVID-19 discussion with him.

7)Be patient and give yourself and your child(ren) grace: This is a brand new situation, one in which many of us are still adjusting to. Even if you made great adjustments last week this week may be about improvement and fine tuning. As parents that just how we operate. While yes you want to use the time you’re spending with your family wisely, it’s important to remember everyone is doing the best they can, and that includes you. Yes, enjoy your family but also remember to take some time for yourself. It can be quite daunting realizing you can’t escape the madness that is your family lolbvs! Slow down, pray, recharge, and then go handle it!! 

In closing I hope this blog helps you prepare to homeschool your children. It’s not fool proof but maybe some of my ideas can assist you and help you come up with things of your own! There are so many free virtual resources available right now. Tune into those, they’re extremely helpful. 

You got this!