Normally I give a nice introduction before getting into the actual plot of the story but I’m not sure there is a great way to introduce this one so I’ll hop right in. I have quite a few goals for 2020, one of which includes taking my son out of the country. I recently began researching the criteria for getting our passports and I was thoroughly upset. Long story short I found out that my son’s father needs to accompany us when we apply for his passport. Irritated is a real understatement of how that made me feel.

My son hasn’t seen or had any contact with his father in over a year. My son’s father hasn’t attempted to contact me to check on our son in eight months; he does not financially support our child; honestly my son doesn’t know his biological father from any other random man that may approach him. I’m not sure why the government feels his permission is needed he is no more a father or parent to my son than anyone running the government. Instead of following my feelings and getting pissed off I decided to research to see if there was any way around this.

First I looked for any exemptions to that rule on the website about passport information; as it stands there are no exemptions for the two parent rule but I plan on calling them anyway. I’m hoping there is some way around involving him. Secondly, I looked into petitioning him to terminate his parental rights. For me this is the best option and something I want anyway. There are so many things I want to do with my child, if “getting permission” from him to accomplish said tasks with my child will continue to be an issue let’s just terminate his rights. Again, I was left disappointed. It turns out in the state of Illinois you can’t voluntarily petition someone to terminate their parental rights. Parental rights can only be terminated one of two ways: one, there is another parent there who will become the child’s adoptive parent (essentially marriage and adoption); and two, the state brings a juvenile case against the kid. According to what I read the state feels more comfortable with each child having two parents.

From there I looked into the legal definition of abandonment. It turns out that while my son’s father fit the legal definition of child abandonment the only remedy for that (in the state of Illinois) is child support. The state of Illinois feels child support is the best way to remedy negligence; and abandonment. This is extremely frustrating!!! There are plenty of single parents in the state not all of whom want to pursue child support; I am one of them. I’m totally happy to take care of my son by myself. I don’t feel the need to pursue and force someone who willingly walked away from his child to make monthly payments and forced visitation. Seriously, let’s not create more issues…let my son and I have our peace by walking completely away from the situation. Please, let’s spare my son the emotional damage of visitation; or missed visits; or further rejection from the same person.

I know what some of you are thinking; file for sole custody….and if for some unforsaken reason I file for child support, sole custody is certainly the route I plan to take. However the issue of child support is something I’d like to avoid altogether.

As I’m writing this my only two options to remedying this passport situation are: asking him to come with us and agree to my son getting the passport (which even if I ask he won’t come….this is a man who willingly walked away from a child…he doesn’t acknowledge his birthday or Christmas, you thinking he’s meeting us for a passport-hell no); or file for child support. More than being upset I really want to find a way to handle this that doesn’t involve my son’s father or filing for child support.