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Moment of Truth

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I’m going to be completely honest with you all, I messed up. Not necessarily in parenting(not yet anyway), but with my organization. Yes, I am the same person who wrote about maximizing your time, told y’all how I schedule everything, and well….for the last two months of 2022 I was all over the place. Honestly, I think that’s been the case since September 2022. I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’m being extremely transparent because transparency is at the core of who I am as a blogger. I don’t hide stuff from you all lol! Two, I am giving you permission to fail(ish) and rebound from it. I failed in certain aspects of managing my time which I’ll get into in a minute but guess what? While it’s not how I like to do things, I survived, the boy thrived, he’s happy, healthy, and well most things got done.

NOW, let me tell you all what the heck happened. For those of you who are new here, I am in a master’s program. This is year two of a two-and-a-half program. With the arrival of 2023 I can actually see the “end of the tunnel” but um, last semester, Fall 2022 that was not the case. My semesters are divided into two, eight-week classes. In theory, this is to ensure you’re able to handle the coursework while juggling adult life. The first course I took in Fall 2022 was a Bio Stats class. I’ve taken stats before in undergrad and so I was not necessarily concerned. I prepared as I normally do for any class, I studied the syllabus, placed due dates in my calendar, reminders to do or check work, and made a study plan. Y’all nothing would’ve prepared me for that class. NOTHING!!!!!

I was spending the entire day doing work. ENTIRE DAY!!! I was going to bed and sleeping maybe 4 hours because of course I’m not just a student and there were other things I had to do…like be a parent. You guys, I cut OUT all extracurricular activities, I barely took time for myself, and I had to temporarily eliminate movie night with my son….there was just not enough time in the day to complete all of this work. The homework assignments were killer. You had maybe 3 days to turn them in, and you had to get the assigned percentage. For example, for most assignments, I needed an 80% in order to have the homework assignment counted. It would take a minimum of 3 hours to do the assignments, I wouldn’t get an 80 and then had to try the entire assignment all over again. Some assignments I didn’t receive credit for, and it wasn’t because I didn’t do the work, it was simply because I didn’t get the approved grade. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my work but I’d say 50% of the homework assignments I didn’t get credit for.

This class was brutal. YES, I got a tutor, YES I met with the TA, hell, I even met with the professor a few times. The shit kicked my ass and there is no other way to say it. My brain was fried, and I felt defeated. I was doing my best but it was nowhere near good enough. I was tired, battered, and just over it. I actually pondered dropping the class and prolonging my graduation date. Shit was beyond rough. Y’all know it was because I don’t cuss like this in my writing….so my apologies. Guys, one weekend I needed to preserve my sanity so I blew everything off and thing out with my son. I must say that was refreshing for both of us.

In the end, by the absolute Grace of God I finished with a B-. I couldn’t have been more excited but y’all I was exhausted. I’m still not sure how I managed my son’s birthday. But the beating I took caused me to literally fly by the seat of my pants through November and December. My brain was done, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I was so exhausted from the previous class that I failed to chart out my second class, and almost missed the due date for my final project. BUT God!!!!

In closing, I completely apologize for leaving you all hanging. I apologize for my inconsistency, for my randomness, and for not following through. I assure you that I did nothing but rest over the last 2-3 weeks and I am rejuvenated and ready for the new year. I have already begun planning my year, and I’ve even tightened up some of my organizational skills and techniques. I’ll write about some of the interesting things I decided to do and the goals I’ve set for myself and my son very soon. For now, I just wanted to apologize and thank you for sticking with me!

Birthday Month!!!!!

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Remember I told you all the fall season is like my single mama Superbowl??? Well, it totally is! September is back to school-ish but it also marks the start of most fall festivals; October, is the peak month for fall festivals and Halloween, and November is my son’s birthday month….and Thanksgiving. Needless to say if not planned properly fall can be overwhelming and certainly a financial crunch. Yet, my son always seems to come out on “top” and there are a few reasons for that. In this month’s series, I’ll talk through my planning process, my selection of birthday gifts, how I decide to do parties, and all of the jazz that makes the fall season and birthdays special. Since fall festivals typically begin before November we’ll start there.

First off, I plan. I have to…I don’t do too well without at least an outline of a plan. Bare bones planning usually takes place at the beginning of the year when I am goal planning. For me, bare-bones planning consists of me listing out different events I know will occur in whatever season or month (if I have that info) and maybe an approximation of how much it costs. For example, I know the fall season means school pictures, his school’s bookfair, the school walkathon, several October Fest, class birthday parties, pumpkin patches, apple picking, parades, the UniverSoul Circus, Halloween parades(both the school and the neighborhood’s), his class Halloween party, and at least one football game I will want to take him to. Now, realistically that’s not all of the events that occur in the fall, it’s just a list of things we tend to do. This skeletal outline of sorts allows me to place holds on my calendar (read https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2022/09/14/tips-to-master-your-calendar/ for more information on how I organize my calendar). The holds keep me from potentially taking on more than I can both attend and afford. A hidden perk of the skeletal outline is having an idea of how much to save, or what coupons to look for.

After creating a skeletal outline of my calendar, I do two things, one, I already know which invites to decline. This year we said no to all birthday party invites from his classmates. Sorry, kids. We didn’t have the time, I didn’t have the money AND all of this is in synchronized harmony because he’s not having a party this year so it doesn’t look as if I am cheating out of other parties while expecting gifts. Secondly, I pencil (not really since it’s my google calendar) his sports lessons, and try to leave at least one day blocked for rest. The rest day is essential because it blocks off time in case something comes up that I decide to do, but also it’s a day for us to do nothing:)

Third, and for me this is the fun part-figuring out who to do what with. I have a fair amount of friends with children that are my son’s age and we try to get the kids together quarterly (minimum). Fall activities are a great time to connect, the weather is generally perfect and as an only child he now has someone to enjoy the adventure with. A hidden perk of my son’s birthday being in the fall is he gets to hit a few of these places as birthday presents. Yup, you read that right. My friends are ALWAYS asking what to get him, and my answer changed from nothing to “well, pay for his admission on our outing.” Guess what, they don’t mind at all. Paying for his admission to a fall activity is much easier than wrecking one’s brain to find the perfect gift, trying to remember a gift receipt in case he gets two of the same gift, or worse consoling their child who just threw a tantrum because they want the same toy. It’s a win-win situation for both me and said friend. We will cover more of my gifting hacks in a later blog.

Lastly, saving is great and all but a good coupon will give you life lol!!!! If you haven’t figured it out by now I am frugal. I’m not necessarily cheap BUT I love a good deal. Fall festivities, Halloween, a fall birthday, and both major holidays can wreak havoc on your bank account. Enters coupons! Now, most times coupons are hard to find for fall fest. Look for coupons and discount codes from your child’s school or daycare, and the library. Here in Chicago, our libraries have free passes for different museums and exhibits. The trick is getting those passes at the right time. Secondly, use Groupon and Krazy Coupon Lady. These are my go -tos and they rarely let me down. Actually, I got my son’s birthday trip from Krazy Coupon lady:) It’s also a good idea to sign up for the parent magazines and websites in your area. These are hubs of children’s info and they always give activities, and a lot of times they’ll inform you of when the free or deeply discounted days are. Also, know who the mom/children’s social media influencers are in your area and, be sure to follow their pages. They know everything. Finally, don’t be afraid to go on an attraction’s website and look for discounted days. It may be a Friday evening or something odd like that but if you can take some time off work and go!

In closing, if I had to bulletpoint how I navigate the fall season it would look like this: plan ahead, save, narrow down what you really want to do, don’t overbook yourself or your child, think outside of the box, and most importantly find coupons. These points will get you through the fall season without breaking the bank, especially if you have a fall baby. Let’s help one another, leave your fall fest hacks in the comments below!

Morning Routine

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If you read The Way You Start Your Day Dictates the Directionality then you know I am a huge fan of morning routines for myself and my son. While my morning routine is a bit more relaxed, his is not. We literally do the same things every morning. We’ve had the same core items since my son was about two, of course, we’ve added and subtracted things over the last few years and there’s room to edit what works and doesn’t as he continues to grow BUT he knows his basics are always there. It is important to create routines for children for several reasons. One such reason routines are important for children is knowing what’s about to happen gives children a sense of security. Other reasons routines are important for children are: routines set expectations, routines help children learn about schedules, they allow children to be independent (within the bounds of your routine), routines establish healthy habits, and routines create a calmer environment. Children and routines go hand in hand; as the parent routines make your life a little easier.

Once my son gets up it is easy to forget any and everything, hence the reason I need to get up before him and the reason he needs a routine. I learned during his daycare days that homeboy will wake up in one of three different moods: happy, playful, or pissed. The amount of sleep he got nor the way in which I wake him up can change this. In fact, he’s so much of a drama king if he wakes up happy or playful he will still find a way to waste thirty minutes. Because of this, I wake him up thirty minutes earlier than necessary to ensure no matter his antics we get to school on time.

I wake him up with a song or two, a hug, and, a kiss. He ain’t getting full ballards lol, but something simple. If there is a song he likes from chapel the prior week I’ll sing that. Other times he gets a good morning song of some sort. After his song, he goes to the bathroom, changes his calendar, and comes to the table for vitamins, and to pack his lunchbox. I tend to pack the entree and water while he packs snacks. more times than not I am also cooking his breakfast while we’re working on his lunch. When breakfast is ready he eats, puts his lunchbox in his book bag, and goes to get dressed.

Hygiene takes at least 20 mins. He’s a little kid so you’d think it wouldn’t take that long but NOPE!!! I let him perform the task (insert brush teeth, wash face, brush hair, etc) then I go behind him and do it. I personally would love to move these teachable moments to bedtime only but he won’t hear of it. It takes a bit longer for both of us to perform each task but it gets done, I know he’s clean, and it cuts down on reasons for us to fight. I hate compromising with him in the morning but my peace and getting out of the door is more important so it is what it is.

In my opinion, this part of our morning routine is a lot like everyone else’s- getting ready lol! The differentiation in our routine mainly takes place in the truck on the way to school….and you” read all about that in the next blog! For now stay tuned and please share what you and your littles do in the comment section. Also, feel free to any routine- making and/or timesaving tips below as well!

The Way You Start Your Day Dictates the Directionality

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I think we can agree the way you start the day sets the tone for the rest of the day. We can also agree that parents have a 6th or maybe even 7th sense for putting the first part of our mornings behind us to have a semi-decent day at work and beyond. I also believe children have an additional sense for taking FOREVER to get ready for school, I know I did lol! Those first twenty to thirty minutes were a complete waste of time. Fortunately for my little one, I know and understand that mornings are different for children, and because of that, I try very hard to provide a routine that will give him the best possible start. Throughout the coming weeks I will detail the routine I have with him, however today I will detail my routine, because honestly if I’m not in the right mood or mindset his routine can go south quickly!!

Full transparency, my daily prep work starts the night before, lol! I don’t get up early enough to do everything before my son wakes up, maybe one day after I’m done with school I’ll be able to shift into that space but right now absolutely not! Once I’m done studying for the night, I look at my master calendar to ensure I have everything packed. For example, on Thursdays my son has to return his school library books back to the school library, so on Wednesday nights I tend to check his bag to ensure he actually packed the book. The same goes for Tuesday folders. A lot of times there is something that needs to be returned to his teacher, I double-check to ensure this has been completed and packed on Tuesday nights. I also check the master calendar to make sure I have appropriate clothing laid out for the next day. I tend to drop him off in my workout clothes, but if I have a meeting, presentation, etc I need to ensure I have proper clothing laid out and a packed bag. Upon completion of these steps I call it a night.

When my son first started school I got up an hour before him. During that hour I have a short prayer, read a devotional, journal, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. I try hard not to check email during this time but if for some reason I engage in email I will schedule quick responses to send during business hours. I’d also wash and dry his lunchbox as well as pack his lunch. It was a fairly productive hour until my class load got heavier AND he wanted to be more involved in packing his lunch.

Now that he is able to and wants to help a little more (this can actually also slow us down) and my class load is considerably larger (all three credit classes are not created equally) I’ve made some adjustments to the daily prep work in order to get more rest and I only get up thirty mins before him. In these thirty minutes, I have a short prayer, read a devotional, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. Sometimes I also need to wash his lunchbox and water bottle during that timeframe. Once everything is washed I towel dry it and pack his lunch. This year we incorporated meal planning into our weekly prep which works wonders. I can lay everything he needs to pack on his placemat and he will pack it while waiting on breakfast. This time isn’t extremely productive but it gives me a few moments of peace and allows me to get focused and centered for the rest of the day. Honestly, if I could get up an hour earlier I would but that would mean going to bed an hour earlier and that’s not an adjustment I’m ready to make.

I’ve learned to ebb and flow with the timing of my morning routine. I used to feel so thrown off if I didn’t wake up a full hour before him, however in trying to get as much sleep as possible I’ve realized the mornings are made easier based on the prep work I do beforehand. The small tasks that I complete on Sundays and every night matter. They significantly decrease the amount of prep work that takes place during the mornings which allows me to feel more rested. Sunday preparation allows for coffee and Jesus in the mornings. Coffee and Jesus allow me to be somewhat calm before the start of the day. Do what works for you, but make sure you get some daily “me time” in prior to waking the littles up and starting their day.

Tips For Preparing Your Little One For Their First Field Trip

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If ever I stumbled upon something to write about this is it. I generally plan my content/series for each month based on what is going on with and/or around me. This particular blog wasn’t planned, and honestly, it’s not something I thought was needed……until it happened lol!

Recently, my son went on his first school field trip and while I was prepared, he was not. When I found out about the trip I told him it would happen, when it would happen, I explained what the purpose of the trip was, and I asked if he wanted the book that came along with the trip. In my mind, it was over and done with; he knew what to expect, and all would go smoothly because of our preparations. As I later found out this was a grossly miscalculated assumption, in part because I didn’t have more details from his teacher AND I because equated his first field trip to any trip he and I take together. Yet, I wouldn’t be there, and he understood that. The day before his trip my son politely asked me what was going to happen and that’s when I realized I had not prepared him well enough. He asked a LOT of good questions, questions that I am not sure four-year-old me would’ve asked. As I answered each question to the best of my ability I noticed a calm spirit come over him. He now felt prepared enough to enjoy the trip. I decided to write about our experience to keep you from making the same mistake(s) I made. Here is a quick list of things to do:

1)(If possible) Talk through the schedule with your child. My son, like any early elementary-aged -child likes to know what will happen. Sure, I told him it was a walking trip to the library. I told him he’d need to listen to his teachers in order to cross the street safely, I told him they’d more than likely walk in partners. He even previewed the book prior to going to the book read. What I didn’t tell him is what to expect once the trip was over. This is important!!! Let your child know they will line up and return back to school, let them know how they will return. Don’t assume they understand since they walked TO the trip they will also walk BACK. If possible tell them where they’ll eat lunch and an approximate time. My son doesn’t know how to tell time yet so I gave him some events to look prompt him that lunch is coming. Give an idea of how the rest of the day will go. In this case, I was able to inform him they’d go back to school and resume their normal afternoon structure. Be as specific as possible BUT if you don’t know ask and also let them know you don’t know.

2)Pack a Normal Lunch. This is NOT the day to try something new; they will already be filled with excitement about their new experience. Pack something you know they love, and something fairly quick and easy to eat. In doing so you will have a much better chance of them eating their meal and snacks. Pro Tip: Don’t send eating utensils on field trip days, I guarantee they will come up lost lolbs!

3) Speak With the Teacher Beforehand: I spoke with my son’s teacher several times to gain clarity on the logistics of the trip. In this case, the class was attending a book read and signing event where the kids could purchase their own copy of the book. Hmmmm, my son is four so him making a purchase without me is NOT an option. I needed to know whether or not we could pre-order the book, who needed to pick it up, whose name to put down for pick up(the teacher or the aide), if the kids needed to bring a snack, etc. As it stands this was the teacher’s first time taking a class on a field trip since COVID-19 so she too had to “recall how this works” lol. Once she got her bearings she was able to answer my questions. Her answers in turn gave me a set of expectations AND allowed me to correctly communicate certain things to my son.

4)Ask the Teacher How You Can Help: Oftentimes teachers are overworked, and underpaid. What they do is a labor of love. Ask how you can assist them. Do they need chaperones, do they need nametags made, emails drafted and /or sent to the parents with more information, etc. Asking how you can help allows your child’s teacher to view you as an ally. This newfound allyship will get you more information and assistance with your child than you can ever imagine.

5)Teach Your Child What To Do If They Get Lost! No one wants to think about or endure a lost child, but stay ready so you don’t have to get ready because life happens. I’d much rather my child know what to do if he gets lost and never have to use the training than I would my child get lost and have no clue what to do. Teaching them what to do also means making sure they know their address, phone number, your real name, their real name (can’t do an all- call for Mo-Mo), their teacher’s name, their school’s name, etc. Give them the tools to succeed in this case. Once you equip them with the necessary tools you will also need to rehearse it. These kids are young, they won’t remember any of this info if they are trained to use it. If you’re ahead of the game and your child already knows what to do if they get lost, be sure to teach them how to handle getting lost on a field trip. Getting separated from you in a grocery store is a lot different from getting separated from your class at say…the zoo. Unfortunately idiosyncracies matter.

6) Bonus Tip: If you’re sending your little one with a cell phone let the teacher know. There are actually some kid -friendly ways to use technology to keep up with your kids, that don’t involve an actual phone BUT if you plan to send a phone err on the side of caution and make sure the teacher knows your child has a phone in case of emergency.

In closing, give your little one the security and freedom they need to enjoy the trip by preparing as much as possible in advance. These preparations will allow both of you to be as calm as possible for the big day. Communicate with both your child and the teacher as much as possible, when it comes to your child there is no such thing as over communication. What are some tips you’ve used to prepare your child for their first field trip? Leave them below in the comments!

Yes, You Need to Meal Plan Your Child(ren)’s School Lunch

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When you hear the term meal planning what comes to mind? I’m sure weight loss, caloric intake, and fitness are a few of the terms. Like me, most parents don’t realize meal planning for (y)our kids is a game changer! As a former certified personal trainer, I am quite familiar with meal planning, at least on a general level. I am NOT a dietician or nutritionist so going deep into micros, macros, etc is not my calling. Anywho, back to the point…I never imagined meal planning for my four-year-old. In full transparency, I stumbled into this lol! My son loves to pick his breakfast and lunch, I allow him to as it keeps down confusion, decreases our chances of having an unnecessary battle of the wills, and more importantly increases the chances that he’ll eat his food. Like my pre-schoolers, my child takes forever to make his decisions, while this is irritating it was not a huge issue over the summer. However, once school started it became an issue. Talk about a sure-fire WASTE OF TIME!!! We easily wasted 20-30 mins every morning eating, and an additional 20(sometimes overlapping with breakfast and sometimes starting at breakfast and lasting until we were almost ready to leave). It got so bad I started telling him his options were going to be getting up early or eating whatever I picked. While making that threat it dawned on me that we needed to do this ahead of time. What was this? Plan, meal plan! In this blog, we’ll cover the benefits of meal planning for your child, and in the next blog, we’ll cover tips for meal planning.
Benefit number one, meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted. I can’t state enough how meal planning has helped us. We all know no matter how far ahead we plan and pack our little people will undoubtedly drag and take forever. Barely getting out of the house is like a right of passage in motherhood. Meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted in the morning. Think about it, you don’t have to ask them what they want; meal planning gives you the flexibility to pack their lunch days in advance, or prior to waking them up, and it gives you time to wash/rinse all produce and other prep work that’s needed.
Number two, meal planning decreases the chances of fighting with your child. Think about it, if your child makes the decisions and then doesn’t like or doesn’t want the food/snack they have no one to blame but themselves. Sure, they may attempt to fight with you but in reality, they don’t have a leg to stand on. My son has said several times, “Mom, I didn’t want inserts food”, my response is always the same- who chose the food, me or you? At which point he quickly moves to something else because how dare we have a conversation about a decision he made and didn’t like.
The third benefit of meal planning, it guides your grocery shopping. If you’re like me it is extremely easy for you to go “off script” when grocery shopping and purchase things because “they look good”, or worse, you’re PMS grocery shopping lolbs! Having a list and a set budget makes it a lot easier to go to the store and get exactly what you need. A second part of having a list is it alleviates forgetting things.
The fourth benefit of meal planning for your child is it makes it easier to delegate. Much like myself, most busy parents don’t have time to run to three or four grocery stores to get everything needed for the next week or two. Having a list of items gives you the freedom to place a Target Drive-Up (or any store that allows for curbside pick-up) order and scoop the groceries en route to your destination. Having the list also allows you to have the groceries picked up and dropped off at your house (or workplace) by a provider like Walmart, Amazon Fresh, or Instacart. Being able to utilize these services makes grocery shopping much easier AND it saves you money because you know exactly what you’re browsing the site or app for.
The final benefit of meal planning is being able to cook in batches. Now, you may be wondering who cooks in batches, ESPECIALLY if their household is small. Well, you can AND you should. This saves you loads of time!! For example, last week I made some crockpot pulled chicken. It took me maybe 10 mins tops to set up, but once it was started I was free to move on with my day. This one thing yielded 4-5 different meals, we had tacos, sliders, pulled chicken sandwiches with coleslaw and corn, and fajitas, I threw some in some omelets one morning…this is just one example. You can totally do more with the meat. The point is once the meat is done, it’s done.
I hope today’s blog gave you something to think about. Parenting is rough, there are not enough hours in the day, and we need to do certain things smarter, not harder. Meal planning is a tool that is meant to make your life easier. You don’t need a fancy template (although there’s nothing wrong with it), and you don’t need a million options. There is no wrong way to do it, nor is there a wrong way to start. Next week I will give some of my favorite meal planning tips. Hoping you’ll tune in next week! Finally, feel free to leave what you view as benefits, or agree and disagree on in the comments below!

TTFN!

Tips for Convos With Your Younger Child(ren)-Back to School Edition

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So……. during my son’s first formal year of school, a lot of the parents were extremely shocked I knew what was going on inside of the classroom. Like I knew all the PK tea lol!! I’d often get asked how I knew what was going on and to a lot of parents’ surprise my answer was always “my son told me.” In return I’d hear a lot “my child doesn’t tell me anything, how do you do that?’ I decided this school year I’d share some of my tips for getting your little ones to open up about school. Remember, my little one is preschool aged, not sure if these tips would work for older children, but I do know if you get them talking while they’re young it is much easier to talk to them as they continue to grow. Here goes:

1)Know their calendar/schedule. My son’s teacher sent weekly calendars. I knew what books would be read, what day specials were, birthdays, etc. The calendar gave me a framework for questions such as “how was music today”, “did you hear any good stories at library?” “What was your favorite part of the story?” “How was recess, was it indoors or outdoors?” “Who’d you sit with?’ Pro Tip: If you ask a yes or no question follow it with an open-ended question. Sometimes they’ll answer, sometimes they won’t but it primes them for discussions and sets the expectation.

2) Learn the flow/routine of the class. After a month or so of listening to him, I began to grasp the flow of the class., For example, I knew every morning they’d sit around the calendar and change it as a class, I knew the calendar (circle time) is where the kids were able to select their jobs, and where attendance was taken. This became the setup for learning his classmates’ names, what days they attended, what jobs he liked, and disliked, how often do they switch jobs, who picks the jobs, etc. Circle time allowed me to find out who he played with which leads to my next point.

3)Learn their friends: Learning your child’s friends is one thing, learning what they play together and why they’re friends is next-level parenting lol! Learning what they play(ed) together allowed me to better work through any SEL issues that may have arisen in class. For example, what if the said friend doesn’t want to play that day, how will he respond? Knowing what they play(ed) allowed me to role play and discuss with him before and even after it occurred. Knowing why they’re friends is also important, I think even more so if your child(ren) is at a diverse school. For instance, my child thought of himself as the only black boy in the class (there were 3 bi-racial kids but 3-4-year-olds don’t understand that). I wanted to know who he aligned himself with and why. Thankfully, oftentimes it was because of commonalities, but this will be extremely helpful later on.

4)Social Emotional Check-Ins: I learned this particular tip from our LCSW. Yes, we are doing family counseling but that’s a topic for another day:) Social Emotional check-ins are easy but random. They are as simple as “what made you happy today, what made you upset, what’s one thing you’d change.” That’s it! The conversation takes place from there, especially if you have a little chatterbox. I’d often end up sharing my responses because my son wanted to hear what I liked and disliked as well.

5) Give a potential schedule for the rest of the day: If I knew what was going to happen I’d let him know, such as ” we have swim class today, and afterward we will take a bath, eat dinner, read a story and go to bed. For my son, this sparked a million other comments ranging from ” I like this about swimming:, “can I have Inserts current favorite snack) after swim? ” which towel are we using, may I pick the towel”, “I don’t know what I want to read for bedtime”, etc. This allows him to know what to expect for the rest of the day but also leads to more conversation.

I’ll be honest, there are days when I don’t want to talk and neither does he. However, on those days I do a quick temperature check to make sure there is not an issue that I should know about which is causing him not to want to talk, or I tell him why I am upset and in a quiet mood. This teaches him that it is perfectly fine to have days where he doesn’t feel like sharing BUT it also reassures him that if at a later point he wants to talk he is free to do so. Conversing with kids is not easy, but it is an expectation that is worth setting with your children. You learn so much from and about them when they’re given the ability to conversate. Pleasant conversations also build confidence in your child that they can talk to you about anything, not just if or when something is wrong.

Fighting For What You Deserve is Sometimes Exhausting

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I know growth hurts, but every now and then I have to be reminded of that fact. My job searches are usually seamless, I apply for jobs, I find jobs that I like, I interview, get hired and work, end of story. The entire process takes maybe 2 months, not long at all and I’m always satisfied. This year, the search has been different and dare I say sometimes downright exhausting. I started flirting with the idea of finding a new job in the summer of 2021 when I realized I was doing more than I was getting paid for.

One of the first things I do when I applying for new jobs is examine my motives. This is not to say I believe motives for finding a new job are right or wrong, but I like to know the reason for the move. The second thing I do is determine the logistics: pay, drive time, type of work(remote or on site), hours. Once all of this is determined I begin looking for jobs and researching companies that have policies conducive for parents. Finally, I start applying.

My approach to finding work hasn’t changed, if anything it has tightened up and gotten more specific. I am a more focused candidate, I know exactly what I want and need, and yes, I am able to determine if a want in a company is negotiable, But, again this time is different.

I’ve applied for quite a few jobs(more within the last month than the entire year) and I have interviewed for and been offered 3 of those jobs. I didn’t take any of the positions. When weighing the pros/cons of each position I realized I’d be taking a loss, and not just financially. I certainly look at the financial aspect, but more than anything I look at potential loss of time with my son. This is HUGE for me because I am a single parent with a very small support system. I don’t want to be more than 30 minutes away from him for multiple reasons. What if something happens at school? I need to be able to get to him. I also need to be able to get home to him and have time to cook, help with homework, and go through our bedtime routine without rushing. If I can’t do that, the job is a loss. Financially, if I have to pay for an afterschool sitter the job is a loss. I am not striving to make more money only to pay more for childcare. No thanks.

Now, back to why I didn’t take one of the jobs I was offered…bottom line they weren’t worth it. The first job was remote but wanted me to work PST(I’m on CST) and work rotating weekends. As much as I didn’t like the idea of weekends I was willing to give that up had we negotiated me working CST. I have a 4 year old, no way I can work 2 hours behind, that would completely interrupt bedtime. The money also wasn’t good enough for me to find more help, an extra 5k…no thanks. The second job was on-site with 4 remote days per month. Benefits were great, the real issue is they were only offering me 5k more than what I currently make and unwilling to negotiate. Y’all, I never would’ve seen hat 5k. I would’ve had to use that on gas, parking, lunch, and afterschool childcare, At the end of the day it wasn’t worth it.

The job search is becoming grueling because I am starting to believe there are few jobs that meet my needs or are willing to negotiate. It makes me wonder if my standards are too high, or if companies are even more insensitive to parental needs post COVID-19 waves. In all honesty, I don’t know that answer to that. I know that I am well aware of what I need, and I am also willing to negotiate certain things. However, if companies are unwilling to negotiate with parents in general this is not the job market people continue touting it to be. I am still looking and intend to continue looking but the exhaustion is real.

Discontentment

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Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been detailing my job dissatisfaction and the possibility of being laid off. I brushed over my emotions regarding the possible layoff but I never talked about my discontentment with the job prior to all of that happening. According to Merriam-Webster discontentment is defined as the lack of satisfaction with one’s status, possessions, or situation. For me, it wasn’t about status, but possessions and situation(s). I took this job a couple of years ago happy that I was moving from a contractor role to that of an employee. Employee status afforded me stability income-wise, and insurance which is a must for anyone with children. I’ve often said if it weren’t for my son I’d work as a contractor while improving upon and building my own business. Unfortunately, when he was born I was nowhere near where I needed to be financially in order to support a newborn as an entrepreneur, and shortly after that his other 23 chromosomes split so I got up and got back into the workforce. I did what needed to be done, and I don’t regret that. Back to why we’re here lol…

I knew what I was getting into when I took this job, I was getting into a remote position with limited opportunities for growth, with mediocre pay that would require a lot during busy season. I was fine with that because it got me out of the field during the height of the pandemic (first wave), allowed me to learn how to do contracts and other backend work that could help me move into a better position, and it gave me insurance. That’s why I took the job. I never intended to stay more than 2 years in the position. About 6 months into the position I learned I did NOT want the other job that I originally wanted to move into. From working as a partner with what I thought would be the “next move” for me I learned people in that role are beyond stressed and are not allowed to impose work-life boundaries on clients. As a single-parent I value boundaries and a work-life balance not having it is a no go for me. Seven to eight months into my current job I earned my highest take-home pay and was pissed because it was nowhere near enough. Nine months into my job I was told by a mortagator that I don’t make enough to buy a house where I wanted to live….like not even close to where I wanted to live. Basically, I could buy a house but it would not be in a good neighborhood. I’ve been in my feelings since then, real talk. How is it that I assist in the sale of homes on a daily basis (that’s my job), I work in real estate but I can’t afford to purchase a home for myself and my son?!?!? That was the end of the end for me, and I’ve been discontent since.

I stayed in the role reminding myself of the consolation prize, remote work, and the ability to be with my son. No matter how many times I reminded myself of that it wasn’t good enough. In hind sight I settled, I didn’t do myself any favors. Hell staying in the role caused more harm than good. Now, I will admit I have applied in spurts throughout the year and was even offered 2 positions with other companies, neither of which I accepted. After weighing the pros and cons, neither job was a step up for me. Both offers were lateral steps that didn’t offer enough money to leave the position I already had. Discontentment soured into apathy; apathy soured into disassociation; disassociation turned into loathsome. The latest possibility of being laid off is a bruise to my ego, for other reasons BUT it is also a sigh of relief. In some way, I feel like it’s God’s way of telling me a new job needs to be my central focus.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know it felt good to get all of those emotions out. It feels good to have a focal point and to know what my negotiables and non-negotiables are in a job. Here’s to new beginnings!

Daycare or Nah?

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Due to the interesting circumstances in which my son was born I decided to stay home with him as long as possible in efforts to get to know him; bond with him; and settle into my new role as mommy(remind me to one day write about how I found out I was pregnant). I closed down my fitness business, for me it was impossible to run a second year start up business; work my part time fitness job; continue to take care of my mom(at the time she was just finishing her second battle with breast cancer); and raise this little boy. Looking at that collection of issues closing my business was an easy decision. I kept my part time fitness job, I taught two forty-five minute classes each week; and I continued coping with my mom and raising my child.

The part time job in itself was hell on wheels. While it was only two forty-five minute classes twice a week, those classes were early morning classes. I’d get very little sleep with a newborn and then wake up and got teach only to come back home more exhausted to a wide awake baby and have to go through our day until he finally took a nap. The part time job kept some money coming in; but not enough. Around the beginning of summer my savings began dwindling and I decided it was time to begin applying for jobs. Coupled with the idea of getting a job was the thought I’d need to place my son in daycare…..and honestly this was the hard part.

There was so much guilt surrounding the thought of putting him in daycare. Would they treat him right? Would he receive the care he needed? Will I miss his first steps? Would he like it? How would he feel going from spending all day everyday with his mommy to spending eight hours a day with a stranger? Would he think I don’t love him anymore? Would he feel neglected? Would I be able to continue nursing him? Would the daycare care center follow the dietary restrictions I’d set for him? So many questions; so many uneasy feelings; and so many tears. All of this happened before I began looking for daycare centers.

After talking to a few of my mom friends I was convinced of two things: one, everything I felt was normal; and two, I needed to take the home daycare route. Home daycare is smaller so the kids tend to get the care and attention they need. The child adjusts easier