Tag Archives: millennal parent

Yes, You Need to Meal Plan Your Child(ren)’s School Lunch

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When you hear the term meal planning what comes to mind? I’m sure weight loss, caloric intake, and fitness are a few of the terms. Like me, most parents don’t realize meal planning for (y)our kids is a game changer! As a former certified personal trainer, I am quite familiar with meal planning, at least on a general level. I am NOT a dietician or nutritionist so going deep into micros, macros, etc is not my calling. Anywho, back to the point…I never imagined meal planning for my four-year-old. In full transparency, I stumbled into this lol! My son loves to pick his breakfast and lunch, I allow him to as it keeps down confusion, decreases our chances of having an unnecessary battle of the wills, and more importantly increases the chances that he’ll eat his food. Like my pre-schoolers, my child takes forever to make his decisions, while this is irritating it was not a huge issue over the summer. However, once school started it became an issue. Talk about a sure-fire WASTE OF TIME!!! We easily wasted 20-30 mins every morning eating, and an additional 20(sometimes overlapping with breakfast and sometimes starting at breakfast and lasting until we were almost ready to leave). It got so bad I started telling him his options were going to be getting up early or eating whatever I picked. While making that threat it dawned on me that we needed to do this ahead of time. What was this? Plan, meal plan! In this blog, we’ll cover the benefits of meal planning for your child, and in the next blog, we’ll cover tips for meal planning.
Benefit number one, meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted. I can’t state enough how meal planning has helped us. We all know no matter how far ahead we plan and pack our little people will undoubtedly drag and take forever. Barely getting out of the house is like a right of passage in motherhood. Meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted in the morning. Think about it, you don’t have to ask them what they want; meal planning gives you the flexibility to pack their lunch days in advance, or prior to waking them up, and it gives you time to wash/rinse all produce and other prep work that’s needed.
Number two, meal planning decreases the chances of fighting with your child. Think about it, if your child makes the decisions and then doesn’t like or doesn’t want the food/snack they have no one to blame but themselves. Sure, they may attempt to fight with you but in reality, they don’t have a leg to stand on. My son has said several times, “Mom, I didn’t want inserts food”, my response is always the same- who chose the food, me or you? At which point he quickly moves to something else because how dare we have a conversation about a decision he made and didn’t like.
The third benefit of meal planning, it guides your grocery shopping. If you’re like me it is extremely easy for you to go “off script” when grocery shopping and purchase things because “they look good”, or worse, you’re PMS grocery shopping lolbs! Having a list and a set budget makes it a lot easier to go to the store and get exactly what you need. A second part of having a list is it alleviates forgetting things.
The fourth benefit of meal planning for your child is it makes it easier to delegate. Much like myself, most busy parents don’t have time to run to three or four grocery stores to get everything needed for the next week or two. Having a list of items gives you the freedom to place a Target Drive-Up (or any store that allows for curbside pick-up) order and scoop the groceries en route to your destination. Having the list also allows you to have the groceries picked up and dropped off at your house (or workplace) by a provider like Walmart, Amazon Fresh, or Instacart. Being able to utilize these services makes grocery shopping much easier AND it saves you money because you know exactly what you’re browsing the site or app for.
The final benefit of meal planning is being able to cook in batches. Now, you may be wondering who cooks in batches, ESPECIALLY if their household is small. Well, you can AND you should. This saves you loads of time!! For example, last week I made some crockpot pulled chicken. It took me maybe 10 mins tops to set up, but once it was started I was free to move on with my day. This one thing yielded 4-5 different meals, we had tacos, sliders, pulled chicken sandwiches with coleslaw and corn, and fajitas, I threw some in some omelets one morning…this is just one example. You can totally do more with the meat. The point is once the meat is done, it’s done.
I hope today’s blog gave you something to think about. Parenting is rough, there are not enough hours in the day, and we need to do certain things smarter, not harder. Meal planning is a tool that is meant to make your life easier. You don’t need a fancy template (although there’s nothing wrong with it), and you don’t need a million options. There is no wrong way to do it, nor is there a wrong way to start. Next week I will give some of my favorite meal planning tips. Hoping you’ll tune in next week! Finally, feel free to leave what you view as benefits, or agree and disagree on in the comments below!

TTFN!

Tips for Convos With Your Younger Child(ren)-Back to School Edition

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So……. during my son’s first formal year of school, a lot of the parents were extremely shocked I knew what was going on inside of the classroom. Like I knew all the PK tea lol!! I’d often get asked how I knew what was going on and to a lot of parents’ surprise my answer was always “my son told me.” In return I’d hear a lot “my child doesn’t tell me anything, how do you do that?’ I decided this school year I’d share some of my tips for getting your little ones to open up about school. Remember, my little one is preschool aged, not sure if these tips would work for older children, but I do know if you get them talking while they’re young it is much easier to talk to them as they continue to grow. Here goes:

1)Know their calendar/schedule. My son’s teacher sent weekly calendars. I knew what books would be read, what day specials were, birthdays, etc. The calendar gave me a framework for questions such as “how was music today”, “did you hear any good stories at library?” “What was your favorite part of the story?” “How was recess, was it indoors or outdoors?” “Who’d you sit with?’ Pro Tip: If you ask a yes or no question follow it with an open-ended question. Sometimes they’ll answer, sometimes they won’t but it primes them for discussions and sets the expectation.

2) Learn the flow/routine of the class. After a month or so of listening to him, I began to grasp the flow of the class., For example, I knew every morning they’d sit around the calendar and change it as a class, I knew the calendar (circle time) is where the kids were able to select their jobs, and where attendance was taken. This became the setup for learning his classmates’ names, what days they attended, what jobs he liked, and disliked, how often do they switch jobs, who picks the jobs, etc. Circle time allowed me to find out who he played with which leads to my next point.

3)Learn their friends: Learning your child’s friends is one thing, learning what they play together and why they’re friends is next-level parenting lol! Learning what they play(ed) together allowed me to better work through any SEL issues that may have arisen in class. For example, what if the said friend doesn’t want to play that day, how will he respond? Knowing what they play(ed) allowed me to role play and discuss with him before and even after it occurred. Knowing why they’re friends is also important, I think even more so if your child(ren) is at a diverse school. For instance, my child thought of himself as the only black boy in the class (there were 3 bi-racial kids but 3-4-year-olds don’t understand that). I wanted to know who he aligned himself with and why. Thankfully, oftentimes it was because of commonalities, but this will be extremely helpful later on.

4)Social Emotional Check-Ins: I learned this particular tip from our LCSW. Yes, we are doing family counseling but that’s a topic for another day:) Social Emotional check-ins are easy but random. They are as simple as “what made you happy today, what made you upset, what’s one thing you’d change.” That’s it! The conversation takes place from there, especially if you have a little chatterbox. I’d often end up sharing my responses because my son wanted to hear what I liked and disliked as well.

5) Give a potential schedule for the rest of the day: If I knew what was going to happen I’d let him know, such as ” we have swim class today, and afterward we will take a bath, eat dinner, read a story and go to bed. For my son, this sparked a million other comments ranging from ” I like this about swimming:, “can I have Inserts current favorite snack) after swim? ” which towel are we using, may I pick the towel”, “I don’t know what I want to read for bedtime”, etc. This allows him to know what to expect for the rest of the day but also leads to more conversation.

I’ll be honest, there are days when I don’t want to talk and neither does he. However, on those days I do a quick temperature check to make sure there is not an issue that I should know about which is causing him not to want to talk, or I tell him why I am upset and in a quiet mood. This teaches him that it is perfectly fine to have days where he doesn’t feel like sharing BUT it also reassures him that if at a later point he wants to talk he is free to do so. Conversing with kids is not easy, but it is an expectation that is worth setting with your children. You learn so much from and about them when they’re given the ability to conversate. Pleasant conversations also build confidence in your child that they can talk to you about anything, not just if or when something is wrong.

Discontentment

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Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been detailing my job dissatisfaction and the possibility of being laid off. I brushed over my emotions regarding the possible layoff but I never talked about my discontentment with the job prior to all of that happening. According to Merriam-Webster discontentment is defined as the lack of satisfaction with one’s status, possessions, or situation. For me, it wasn’t about status, but possessions and situation(s). I took this job a couple of years ago happy that I was moving from a contractor role to that of an employee. Employee status afforded me stability income-wise, and insurance which is a must for anyone with children. I’ve often said if it weren’t for my son I’d work as a contractor while improving upon and building my own business. Unfortunately, when he was born I was nowhere near where I needed to be financially in order to support a newborn as an entrepreneur, and shortly after that his other 23 chromosomes split so I got up and got back into the workforce. I did what needed to be done, and I don’t regret that. Back to why we’re here lol…

I knew what I was getting into when I took this job, I was getting into a remote position with limited opportunities for growth, with mediocre pay that would require a lot during busy season. I was fine with that because it got me out of the field during the height of the pandemic (first wave), allowed me to learn how to do contracts and other backend work that could help me move into a better position, and it gave me insurance. That’s why I took the job. I never intended to stay more than 2 years in the position. About 6 months into the position I learned I did NOT want the other job that I originally wanted to move into. From working as a partner with what I thought would be the “next move” for me I learned people in that role are beyond stressed and are not allowed to impose work-life boundaries on clients. As a single-parent I value boundaries and a work-life balance not having it is a no go for me. Seven to eight months into my current job I earned my highest take-home pay and was pissed because it was nowhere near enough. Nine months into my job I was told by a mortagator that I don’t make enough to buy a house where I wanted to live….like not even close to where I wanted to live. Basically, I could buy a house but it would not be in a good neighborhood. I’ve been in my feelings since then, real talk. How is it that I assist in the sale of homes on a daily basis (that’s my job), I work in real estate but I can’t afford to purchase a home for myself and my son?!?!? That was the end of the end for me, and I’ve been discontent since.

I stayed in the role reminding myself of the consolation prize, remote work, and the ability to be with my son. No matter how many times I reminded myself of that it wasn’t good enough. In hind sight I settled, I didn’t do myself any favors. Hell staying in the role caused more harm than good. Now, I will admit I have applied in spurts throughout the year and was even offered 2 positions with other companies, neither of which I accepted. After weighing the pros and cons, neither job was a step up for me. Both offers were lateral steps that didn’t offer enough money to leave the position I already had. Discontentment soured into apathy; apathy soured into disassociation; disassociation turned into loathsome. The latest possibility of being laid off is a bruise to my ego, for other reasons BUT it is also a sigh of relief. In some way, I feel like it’s God’s way of telling me a new job needs to be my central focus.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know it felt good to get all of those emotions out. It feels good to have a focal point and to know what my negotiables and non-negotiables are in a job. Here’s to new beginnings!

Valentine’s Day Letter to My Son

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Valentine’s Day 2020 I wanted to find my son the perfect card. I’d give him his present and card; we’d put the card and picture in his memory box and later on in life he’d be able to read it and realize how much his Mommy loves him. As was the case with his birthday finding my idea of the perfect card didn’t happen; in fact writing this letter on time also didn’t happen. Valentine’s Day rolled around and I was down with the flu. Like low grade fever that wouldn’t break; extremely sore body; loads of sweating; no appetite; couldn’t do anything other than sleep and cough….FLU! I barely made it out of bed Thursday afternoon to purchase the snacks and cards for his Valentine’s Day party at daycare but Thank God I was able to make his treat bags(in spite of forgetting to purchase Valentine’s Day baggies and having to use ziploc bags). Here we are four days later and Mommy is just now well enough to compose his letter (and subsequently this blog). Thinking about some of the things I’ve set out to accomplish this year helped put my intentions and love for him in the perfect perspective for his letter.

I love my son SOOOOOOOOOOO much, as I am sure you all love your child(ren). Being a single parent has been interesting to say the least and quite an educational experience. I think sometimes we single parents focus intently on teaching our child everything we feel he or she would learn in a two parent home until we lose focus of what the most important lessons are. For me the most important thing is making sure I’m building a solid foundation for his relationship with God. IF I am intention (refer to https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/01/01/lessons-for-2020/ for more about my year of intentionality) about providing the foundation for his relationship with God; in return I know God will prompt me to teach him things I may forget….OR He’ll provide someone else in our village to teach my son said lesson. The following blog isn’t the actual letter I wrote my son but a guideline for some of the things I am practicing in order to build the his foundation. The conclusion will sort of link the blog and his letter together.

1)The Word(Bible): I previously stated 2020 is a year of intentionality for me. Basically it means that I am purposefully setting out to do some things and that I am using certain tasks to hold myself accountable. One such goal of mine is to lay the foundation for my son’s relationship with God. As I’ve gotten older and worked on my own relationship with God I’ve heard a lot about praying the word. As dumb as this may sound I had no idea what this meant OR how to do it. Praying the word is certainly something I want to be able to teach him and because I was clueless I had to research it for myself. One thing I learned is it’s impossible to pray the word if you don’t know the word. In relation to my child, he’s a toddler which means he’s going to imitate things he sees; which means I have to set the right examples. Classic case, if I don’t want him to curse at daycare I can’t curse in front of him…and well this one is hard if sports are involved lolbs! To date he hasn’t embarrassed me and cursed at daycare (inserts happy dance)! So I concluded it will be good for him to see me reading and studying the word; as well as speaking the word in hopes that as he grows and matures he will follow in those footsteps.

2) Prayer: I didn’t mention prayer in the previous bulletpoint because it needed to stand alone. Obviously if I want him to have a relationship with God I have to teach him how to communicate with God. We communicate with God through prayer. While my son is accustomed to seeing my pray as his vocabulary increased it became imperative to teach him to pray WITH me instead of him listening to or watching me pray. My son and I have two set prayer times, three if you include grace. The first time we pray is in the truck on our way to daycare. We (well I) recite Psalms 91 and then he and I say a little prayer afterwards. Our second time to pray is right before bed; at bedtime we say the childhood favorite “Now I lay me down to sleep.” It’s important to establish this routine with him as it allows him to understand we start and end our day with prayer; and it also allows him to get an understanding of what/who to pray for and how to pray. I believe as he gets older this routine will enable him to understand that it’s best and in my opinion easiest to pray throughout the day.

3)Morning Affirmations: This one is really fun!!! Not to bring race into an already content heavy blog BUT my son is a little black boy. Yup, there I said it. The world (anyone) will try to tear him down, it is up to me and my village to lift him up; a HUGE part of that is my responsibility as his mother. Our morning affirmations build him up; instill confidence; get him pumped and ready for the day; give him a certain mindset; but most importantly our affirmations teach him who he is in Christ!! These affirmations also serve as a way for him to learn some scripture early which in turn will help him learn how to pray the word over his life.

4)Grace: Translate grace into patience….now please drop your head and say a silent prayer for me because this one is a huge struggle lolbvvs!!! I am NOT the one to tell you how to give grace to others. I can tell you that it’s important enough for me to model to my son…..so that made it important enough to actually take time to study what the word says about patience and being patient.

5) Church: We go two to three times a month so believe me when I tell you I am not the person to lecture you about church attendance. I can attest to how important having a church home is and more importantly I can tell you the importance of finding the RIGHT church home. Before finding out I was pregnant I often said of my church home “once I have a kid I’m out, there’s nothing for kids to do here and I will need my kid to be interactive and involved.” Flash forward two years later and we haven’t left, nor have I thought about leaving. No church is perfect, and in spite of what some may think you don’t have to tell all of your business to the people of the church to receive their support, and love. When my son baptized I was thankful for the support of the church. My son’s father nor any member of his family were there; it meant the world to me that my family and my sisters(my church crew) stood behind and with me. And I’m sure you’re thinking ” of course they stood with you, they knew about the situation” in fact they didn’t. At that time only my mother knew what was going on with my son’s father. They stood with me out of love for my son and I…and until this day none of them have asked where my son’s father was. They know the story at this point because I eventually opened up and disclosed it. That’s honestly just one example of knowing I was in the right church. There have been so many examples over the past two years; and oddly enough the Children’s Ministry is growing:) Long story short find the church that fits you and your family’s needs and make a strong attempt to become apart of it. There will be a time when you need them most, and if you’re in the right place they’ll give you what you need without hesitation.

In conclusion no you didn’t read my letter to my son, what you read are some of the steps that I’m taking to ensure his relationship with God. These are the same things I wrote about in his letter, along with why I feel this is important and a little bit about the love of God. Teaching him about the love of God and love for himself will enable him to have a great Valentine’s Day irregardless of who he gets cards/candy from; the events of the day/weekend that he may or may not attend; and his dating/marriage situation. Teaching him about the ultimate love will have a positive life lasting effect on him. That’s my job as his mom……. the person who loves him most on this earth.

Happy Valentine’s Day 2020:)