Tag Archives: memories

If I’m Being Honest

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If I’m being honest (and I am) I am beginning to have some concern for my son’s mental well-being during the pandemic. I’ll admit because he didn’t start the pandemic asking a million questions, or showing any real signs of fear I’d hoped we got through the rough period. Actually I’d hoped that he wouldn’t recognize the change and wouldn’t recognize things were different. I’d hoped he’d be able to get out of this without really knowing what happened. However, I was wrong. Delay is not definitive of denial and that was the case with my son. As time progressed, as our Stay at Home Order has been extended I’ve begun to notice things. I notice how some days he’s reluctant to go outside; yet other days he doesn’t want to go back in. I’ve noticed the excessive clinginess; the random crying outburst for no reason. I can see the fear and curiosity in his eyes when he sees everyone in masks. He’s realized he can ride to the store but no longer go in. He’s realized he no longer goes to daycare to see his teachers and friends. He’s realized we no longer go anywhere; the park; church; the mall; playdates; museums; kids shows; no more Mommy and me outings; no haircuts; none of it! And while I thought I’d escaped having to discuss this with him he wants to know why.

My personal parenting philosophy is to tell the truth, with very little sugar coating. For example stories are stories and lies are lies. Yes I shield his sense of imagination; and his feelings. I understand he has very little emotional capacity but I try to be as straightforward with him as possible. In this instance it’s too much! Yes, he deserves answers; he deserves to know what’s going on; he deserves to know why his routine has been interrupted but he also deserves to have his mental state protected. 

If I’m being honest I don’t know where to start. The Stay at Home Order is a must; our abiding by the Order is another must as it’s the best way to ensure our safety, but I’m not sure how to have this heavy conversation with him. If I’m being honest I don’t want to have this conversation with him. We literally just talked about his absent father and from what I can see he’s doing alright with that. Why must I burden a 2 year old with a pandemic as well?!? I want to protect him; his emotional capacity; his innocence. I just no longer think it’s possible. It hurts me that my young son has to bear so much unnecessary pain. Because of this I am concerned for his mental state. I’d already planned to get him a counselor once he got older to talk about and work through both the pain of not having his biological father around and the trauma of being a black boy in America. However that’s in the future, I need to help his mental state now. I’ve worked as hard as I can to keep him on his daycare schedule; we go outside as much as possible; we engage in cooking and art; we have movie nights every weekend; we have dance parties; I make sure he hears our virtual church services and Bible Studies. We get involved in the Kid’s Zoom Meet Up for church; he’s had a virtual Playdate; and I’m feverishly searching for a dog; he needs a companion. Yet, I can’t help feeling like a failure when he randomly bursts into tears; or when he gets scared because he sees a face covering. Is this really the world my child is going to grow up in?!? I can’t help but wonder how this will affect him mentally and emotionally. I also can’t help but wonder what more can I do to help him.

If I’m being honest I feel this will have a significant affect on all our children. Missed milestones such as graduations, proms and luncheons; canceled dances, sports, and arts; celebrating birthdays alone. While it’s all necessary it’s a lot to ask of our children. My heart goes out to them because I understand their sacrifices are robbing them of dreams and prolonging goals. Our villages (family, friends, parenting circles) are being stretched thin trying to make sure our babies know we understand and yet celebrate and commend them. It’s a lot!!! And while I’m being honest my heart especially goes out to my son’s half sister who is being robbed of her eighth grade luncheon and graduation. Should I care, absolutely not because of how her father disregards my son but do I care; yes, I’m a Mother. I wish (maybe too strong of a word but all I can think of right now) I could be apart of her new celebration of achievement; I’d just want to make it memorable for her but as it stands-that’s nowhere near an option. That’s not necessarily something I mourn but…I’m being honest(inserts shrug).

If I’m honest none of us want to raise broken children. I don’t want to raise a broken son; his mental and emotional health mean the world to me. But since I’m being honest this is too much for any of us😩

We Still Celebrated

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Over the last thirty days or so most states have been under a “Stay at Home” order. The orders have completely changed the way we celebrate everything (if those celebrations are even allowed). Before Resurrection Sunday my son and I weren’t necessarily affected celebration wise; however Resurrection Sunday was our first test. As the leader in this situation I had a decision to make; I could decide to shut the day down or I could decide to proceed as normal as possible. I decided on the latter.

First things first I continued making his Easter Basket. Since my son’s birth I’ve always made his Easter Baskets. I feel like it’s so hard to get good baskets for boys, and even harder to get functional baskets for a toddler so his have always been DIY. This year was no different. I’d decided on the theme of his basket and purchased the actual basket at the beginning of March. The initial theme of his basket was “Summer” and aside from some new reading books; socks; and boxer shorts it was going to include his daycare summer essentials. Once the “Stay At Home” order was extended to April 30th I decided to switch the theme of his basket to “quarantine survival.” Quarantine Survival included coloring books; sidewalk chalk; water paint; washable markers; sunglasses; bubble bath; place mats; and sunglasses (I also purchased a sliding board but it won’t be delivered until the end of April).

Secondly, I decided since the situation is new and since my son is more aware of things I’d start a new tradition. My train of thought behind that decision was basically I could allow him to remember Easter 2020 as “the year we were shut in” or I could allow him to remember it as “lit Easter or the Easter where we did fill in the blank.” Our new Easter tradition was to bake an Easter themed dessert. We made Rice Krispy treats with Easter M&Ms. We did a terrible job shaping them, but they were so good; and more importantly my son was so proud of his work!

Next, I love pictures. I love having his moments professionally documented. I couldn’t hire a photographer to come out and take photos so I put together a makeshift photoshoot. Using some of the Easter decor of the house and my son’s Easter Basket we went outside, used the portrait mode and timer on my Iphone and made it work! Pictures always mean coordinated outfits. I decided against my son’s original outfit as I had nothing to match. After scouring our closets I decided to revamp his outfit to something I could match….hence our #GoGreen phtoshoot (yes, we meshed March Madness and our Spartan love with our Easter photos). I’m no professional but my son had a blast and our photos look pretty good. Using one of our favorite photos I made an Easter card via Canva and texted it out. The text to family and friends allowed both them and us to feel connected during this time of social distancing.

As for church, we stayed in our dress clothes and went to virtual church! Since the “Stay At Home” order we’d been watching our virtual services in our PJs with breakfast, however because it was Resurrection Sunday I wanted him to feel as though we were at church which meant he needed to be dressed. This year he was excited to see the other children orate their Easter speeches. Of course that wasn’t going to happen this year so we taught him a quick speech and let him recite it to us, then gave him the loudest round of applause. No, we can’t go to church but we can certainly simulate the experience.

Finally we had our traditional Easter dinner. We love to eat so we don’t exactly need a holiday as an excuse to lay out a dinner. This particular dinner was different though as certain family members wouldn’t be in attendance; and because we couldn’t spend time visiting with my uncle who is in a nursing home.

We decided to celebrate!! Celebrating Easter 2020 was different and probably felt more isolated for most people but with a little help from technology and a lot of creativity we made it as normal as possible. It was extremely important to me that in such a time of uncertainty my son felt as normal as possible. It was important that a part of his childhood wasn’t blurred or marred because of this pandemic. More importantly it was important that my son realize that outward or worldly circumstances don’t affect us celebrating Jesus’ resurrection. I needed him to understand that without Jesus’ resurrection we wouldn’t have His blood to protect us everyday. I made sure that we celebrated with both old and new traditions one yes to create memories; but two to make sure he understands the true meaning of Resurrection (Easter) Sunday. We don’t celebrate only when things are good; we celebrate every year no matter what. He also needed to see that it was ok to celebrate without family members. He needs to see and understand that because unfortunately people will pass and one day not be there with us. I need him to know it is possible to make adjustments and that life still goes on. In conclusion social distancing Resurrection Sunday celebration was much needed, and a huge success. I’m thankful for everything that it brought and I encourage you to be creative and think outside the box (or Pinterest ideas) for your next quarantine celebration.