Tag Archives: entrepreneur mom

Coming Soon…

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In my last blog I detailed how my current position is no longer working for my family. Crazy thing is I started that blog a little over three weeks ago and edited it numerous times. In my opinion, it never conveyed my true feelings. I think there were so many emotions mixed in the realization that I needed to actively search for a new job that I hadn’t sorted through them. It’s one thing to know you need a new job, it’s one thing to look for a job, and it’s an entirely different thing for both you and your company to realize your current job is a dead end for both parties. Both parties’ realization of the obvious is what I believe left me most baffled.

I’ve had summer jobs since I was twelve and I am more than 10 years into my post-undergrad work life. I’ve started and run a business (until the birth of my son), I experimented with the thought of starting a second but realized the idea was great but it wasn’t something I was passionate about. Needless to say, I’ve not ever been disciplined, laid off, or fired. Anytime I left a company it was on my own terms and always for growth. I am potentially (our company hasn’t announced it yet, but we all know it’s coming) in the next round of layoffs at our company and not too sure how I feel about it.

My ego feels mildly bruised for reasons I’ll detail in another blog, part of me wants to worry (I refuse), but once I get past all of that I am really at peace. As a single-parent it is ALWAYS easy to worry when finances are involved. You being to think about provisions, insurance, bills….all the bills lol! Yet, I am choosing not to go that route.

I’ve begun completing an average of 3-4 applications on a daily basis, I have a resume writer, and I’ve completed a few call screenings and interviews. Honestly, I was offered a job but I would’ve ended up losing money had I taken that position. The company was offering 5K more than what I make now, however, I would’ve needed to find before and after care for my child, increase my bi-weekly gas budget, add a lunch budget, and pay for my own license renewal….5K would’ve been easily lost. The company did not want to negotiate the pay even though my experience is exactly what they needed to build this position and department out so I turned it down. A win. I am also in the process of rebalancing my budget, there are things I can cut if I get laid off. I’ve looked into how long I can stay on unemployment, and I made a daily schedule…just in case. I am still applying for positions, but studying some things to assist in my pursuit of passive income. I am literally doing all that I can do.

I think it is important to have a plan and be ready to put it into action. I feel as though for the moment I’ve done all I can planning-wise. Actually, I think I’ve done all I can emotionally; after all, I’ve admitted how I feel about it and I’ve searched to figure out why I feel that way.

Aside from making sure I am not worrying, I’m honestly excited and relieved. I feel like the potential layoff gives me more time to apply for jobs, but also it gives me time to nurture my own pursuits, like my blog. All of this is preliminary, so I’ll have to keep you posted! If you’ve ever been in this position what did you do? What are some strategies you used to look for new employment but balance your pursuits? Comment below!

Daycare or Nah?

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Due to the interesting circumstances in which my son was born I decided to stay home with him as long as possible in efforts to get to know him; bond with him; and settle into my new role as mommy(remind me to one day write about how I found out I was pregnant). I closed down my fitness business, for me it was impossible to run a second year start up business; work my part time fitness job; continue to take care of my mom(at the time she was just finishing her second battle with breast cancer); and raise this little boy. Looking at that collection of issues closing my business was an easy decision. I kept my part time fitness job, I taught two forty-five minute classes each week; and I continued coping with my mom and raising my child.

The part time job in itself was hell on wheels. While it was only two forty-five minute classes twice a week, those classes were early morning classes. I’d get very little sleep with a newborn and then wake up and got teach only to come back home more exhausted to a wide awake baby and have to go through our day until he finally took a nap. The part time job kept some money coming in; but not enough. Around the beginning of summer my savings began dwindling and I decided it was time to begin applying for jobs. Coupled with the idea of getting a job was the thought I’d need to place my son in daycare…..and honestly this was the hard part.

There was so much guilt surrounding the thought of putting him in daycare. Would they treat him right? Would he receive the care he needed? Will I miss his first steps? Would he like it? How would he feel going from spending all day everyday with his mommy to spending eight hours a day with a stranger? Would he think I don’t love him anymore? Would he feel neglected? Would I be able to continue nursing him? Would the daycare care center follow the dietary restrictions I’d set for him? So many questions; so many uneasy feelings; and so many tears. All of this happened before I began looking for daycare centers.

After talking to a few of my mom friends I was convinced of two things: one, everything I felt was normal; and two, I needed to take the home daycare route. Home daycare is smaller so the kids tend to get the care and attention they need. The child adjusts easier

If I’m Being Honest

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If I’m being honest (and I am) I am beginning to have some concern for my son’s mental well-being during the pandemic. I’ll admit because he didn’t start the pandemic asking a million questions, or showing any real signs of fear I’d hoped we got through the rough period. Actually I’d hoped that he wouldn’t recognize the change and wouldn’t recognize things were different. I’d hoped he’d be able to get out of this without really knowing what happened. However, I was wrong. Delay is not definitive of denial and that was the case with my son. As time progressed, as our Stay at Home Order has been extended I’ve begun to notice things. I notice how some days he’s reluctant to go outside; yet other days he doesn’t want to go back in. I’ve noticed the excessive clinginess; the random crying outburst for no reason. I can see the fear and curiosity in his eyes when he sees everyone in masks. He’s realized he can ride to the store but no longer go in. He’s realized he no longer goes to daycare to see his teachers and friends. He’s realized we no longer go anywhere; the park; church; the mall; playdates; museums; kids shows; no more Mommy and me outings; no haircuts; none of it! And while I thought I’d escaped having to discuss this with him he wants to know why.

My personal parenting philosophy is to tell the truth, with very little sugar coating. For example stories are stories and lies are lies. Yes I shield his sense of imagination; and his feelings. I understand he has very little emotional capacity but I try to be as straightforward with him as possible. In this instance it’s too much! Yes, he deserves answers; he deserves to know what’s going on; he deserves to know why his routine has been interrupted but he also deserves to have his mental state protected. 

If I’m being honest I don’t know where to start. The Stay at Home Order is a must; our abiding by the Order is another must as it’s the best way to ensure our safety, but I’m not sure how to have this heavy conversation with him. If I’m being honest I don’t want to have this conversation with him. We literally just talked about his absent father and from what I can see he’s doing alright with that. Why must I burden a 2 year old with a pandemic as well?!? I want to protect him; his emotional capacity; his innocence. I just no longer think it’s possible. It hurts me that my young son has to bear so much unnecessary pain. Because of this I am concerned for his mental state. I’d already planned to get him a counselor once he got older to talk about and work through both the pain of not having his biological father around and the trauma of being a black boy in America. However that’s in the future, I need to help his mental state now. I’ve worked as hard as I can to keep him on his daycare schedule; we go outside as much as possible; we engage in cooking and art; we have movie nights every weekend; we have dance parties; I make sure he hears our virtual church services and Bible Studies. We get involved in the Kid’s Zoom Meet Up for church; he’s had a virtual Playdate; and I’m feverishly searching for a dog; he needs a companion. Yet, I can’t help feeling like a failure when he randomly bursts into tears; or when he gets scared because he sees a face covering. Is this really the world my child is going to grow up in?!? I can’t help but wonder how this will affect him mentally and emotionally. I also can’t help but wonder what more can I do to help him.

If I’m being honest I feel this will have a significant affect on all our children. Missed milestones such as graduations, proms and luncheons; canceled dances, sports, and arts; celebrating birthdays alone. While it’s all necessary it’s a lot to ask of our children. My heart goes out to them because I understand their sacrifices are robbing them of dreams and prolonging goals. Our villages (family, friends, parenting circles) are being stretched thin trying to make sure our babies know we understand and yet celebrate and commend them. It’s a lot!!! And while I’m being honest my heart especially goes out to my son’s half sister who is being robbed of her eighth grade luncheon and graduation. Should I care, absolutely not because of how her father disregards my son but do I care; yes, I’m a Mother. I wish (maybe too strong of a word but all I can think of right now) I could be apart of her new celebration of achievement; I’d just want to make it memorable for her but as it stands-that’s nowhere near an option. That’s not necessarily something I mourn but…I’m being honest(inserts shrug).

If I’m honest none of us want to raise broken children. I don’t want to raise a broken son; his mental and emotional health mean the world to me. But since I’m being honest this is too much for any of us😩

The Underestimation of Homeschooling: Week 4

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Week 4 and still learning, no seriously both of us are still learning!! No matter how many tweaks I make; no matter how much I plan; something will always happen that requires an immediate reaction. I’m not as uncomfortable with those situations as I originally was so I guess there’s that to be happy about. I realized my son loves movement and hands on activities so I’m hoping our routine is solidified enough for me to add in more puzzles without overexciting him. That will take another two to three weeks of testing. I’d originally thought about adding in some science experiments but decided we do enough science when we’re baking. I also want to incorporate more into our Nature Walks but I’m not sure how or what, this is something I’ll need to explore. As for his socio-emotional learning, I still haven’t figured out how to carve in a block to teach him about that. If you remember https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/28/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling-part-2/ I talked about having him watch “Daniel Tiger” for socio-emotional learning, however during week 2 I found out that was not a good idea. I take his meltdown moments to explain things to him but we have no set time for primary learning instead of tertiary learning. All in all I didn’t change the structure of the lesson plans from last week so let’s see how things went:

Day One: Mondays are always rough, lol!!!! The first lesson I learned this week. For some odd reason I only thought of Mondays being rough on adults, you know not wanting to work; not wanting to be present; wishing there was another day to sleep or lounge….turns out Mondays are that way for children as well lol!!! My son wasn’t off the charts behavior wise, we still accomplished quite a bit BUT it certainly took more time to make transitions. Unlike adults he wasn’t necessarily sluggish and lethargic, quite the opposite. He was full of energy!! Bursting, unconstrained energy!! I had to quickly figure out how to use his energy to our advantage. Good thing Mondays are music days at daycare. We did got through our normal morning routine then went for a walk; and had music before having lunch and bed. Music was thirty minutes of a stomping good time. I found a nursery rhyme playlist on YouTube and we danced and sang along. Having music directly after a twenty minute Nature Walk tired him right out. He was certainly ready for lunch and a nap. Somewhere in the midst of all the wackiness of Monday I realized he was able to recognize and point out quite a few letters; more than the two previous letters of the week! This made me very happy as it’s another testament to our hard work .

Day Two: In my opinion Tuesday of week 4 was a great day!! Not only can I see and feel the increased comfort level of both my son and I in our new found homeschooling situation but I also see him making more connections. In these connections he’s learning and beginning to gravitate towards things that I may or may not have had planned….or he wants to do whatever is planned in a different order than what I originally wrote out. Neither of those is bothersome, in fact I follow his lead and allow him to explore. I allow him to learn things his way and in his timing and I must say this is not stressful!!! Day 2 of week 4 we began to do a lot more hands on activities. For example we had a Scavenger Hunt to find things that begin with our letter of the week. We used his lego blocks to count and to review our colors. We used other toys of his to enhance the color review and to add into learning of shapes. For me today was the literal sense of learning while playing. Because today was another good day it also made another question of mine resurface; do I really want to put him into the school system or do I want to home school him? Not necessarily something that needs an immediate answer but certainly something to continue thinking about.

Day Three: If ever there was a screw this moment during the homeschooling stint today was the day. Not because of anything my child did not because I was sick or didn’t plan; and certainly not because there was an emergency. I was over homeschooling today because Mother Nature called. Today she was completely unforgiving and utterly merciless so I was moody, and in pain the entire day. On a normal day I can fight through this to get my career work done.Of course with the Stay at Home order in effect there was no outside work to do. I knew that and mentally took full advantage. My child’s “school day” started about an hour late; he wasn’t dressed for success and as a result for the first time in a week he needed a timeout during school. If I’m open and honest I did not care. My mind and body were not into this, nor were they up for it; and I couldn’t fake it. I don’t know how to fake a role I’m literally learning everyday. What I’m most proud of myself for is not getting down and depressed about my perceived setback! I’m proud of the “oh well we’ll just have to reroute tomorrow spirit I had.” Today (this doesn’t happen too often) I understood that wasn’t a spirit of mediocrity; I understood I was giving myself grace. You know what I’m thankful for? My mom, the career teacher who stopped loading her students up with online work to step in and educate my child for the day. I am incredibly thankful for her willingness to see I wasn’t into it and to take measures into her own hands. Not only did she have a good day with him; she even used my lesson plan. A thirty year teacher using the lesson plan of a 3-4 week teacher is a humbling thing lolbs!! Day 3 was definitely a reminder that failure when learning something new is inevitable, but it’s on you and how you choose to deal with it that counts….AND it’s how you indirectly teach your children how to handle failure and setbacks.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling Part 2

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Last week I discussed how my first unplanned week of homeschooling went and detailed some changes I needed to make as well as why. This week I decided to document how things went; not necessarily because they went so well but because I wanted to share the journey. As I continue on the parenting and life journey I’m finding out that a lot of people go through the same things or at least similar situations, however few people are transparent about their struggles. When I started blogging I vowed to detail my struggles as well as my triumphs because I want(ed) my audience to have a full understanding and maybe even acquire some hope while reading. In keeping with that promise here goes:

Day One: hmm mm, well it went lol! It wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t the best either. For the most part we stuck to my/his daycare’s schedule which was great. There was story time; coloring; counting; shapes/colors….curriculum wise it wasn’t a bad day. I noticed our challenges were transitions; for example if I allowed him a certain allotment of playtime or YouTube (I made a playlist of the ABC’s, counting, shapes, and colors per the recommendation of one my good friends who is a kindergarten teacher) he would throw a tantrum mid transition. This was confounding for me because I always give him ample warning. It happened every. single. time. Because of his tantrums during transitions I decided to eliminate the playlist or any type of electronics. That meant no virtual storytime; no Daniel Tiger for socio-emotional learning; no Sesame Street to reinforce our lessons…none of that. This theory was tested the rest of the week so you’ll read how that went then. Nap and meal times weren’t so bad, those were actually pretty nice. There was a minor deviation from his daycare schedule and that was the early morning walk. Usually he and his classmates go for a walk before they start the day. We tried this on Monday and it does not work. Taking him for a walk and expecting him to settle down afterwards to learn was a rookie mistake at best. Therefore I moved his recess (usually playing in the backyard or a nature walk around the block) to thirty minutes before his lunch. With that new order he goes to recess; eats lunch; and then takes his nap. That was a heck of a lot more functional.

Day Two: I’ll call this the day of rebellion. I don’t think we got anything accomplished. My child ended up in timeout three times before 10am, clearly with that sort of morning I knew it was going to be a rough day. I tried rerouting several times several different ways, and I was defeated every at every turn. Even our morning walk was disastrous. He insisted on being carried for the duration of the walk instead of walking and I refused to grab the stroller so you can imagine the standstill lol! I tried baking coolies with him to calm him(we were going to do it anyway but I used it as a redirection) that didn’t work. I tried allowing him to cook with me-negative. If I’m being open and honest I even gave him his tablet. I had to handle something pertaining to my car note and needed him to be quiet so I purchased ABC Mouse; set it up; and gave him his tablet HOPING that would work, sadly it didn’t. In my opinion Tuesday was a total loss of a day.

Tuesday night I needed relief. I prayed and talked things over with my mother (who is a veteran teacher-34 years in). I realized in our “new” routine my son and I weren’t able to get our daily podcast in; This is important because our podcasts are always biblical based. We also weren’t having our morning prayer because well there was no car ride. After our lack of prayer and Word was revealed to me in prayer I knew I had to add in a Bible Story from his Children’s Bible before our “day” started. Secondly, my mom gave me some great tips. She talked about adding in calm music in the background of our day, as well as making sure I was giving him choices. She even volunteered to step in on Wednesday and show me how to teach a preschooler. That’s when things changed! Before reading days three through five feel free to play catch up and read https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2020/03/23/the-underestimation-of-homeschooling/This will give you some background information and bring you up to par.

The Underestimation of Homeschooling

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Much like most of America last week was the first week of me homeschooling my son. It wasn’t disastrous but I feel as though it could’ve went a lot smoother. I won’t lie I thought because he stays home with me two days a week that homeschooling wouldn’t be too much different; I severely underestimated. The problem is he’s accustomed to his normal schedule where the days he stays home with me are surrounded by days he goes to daycare. When he saw he was spending every waking moment with me he thought he could be spoiled and get his way….while I had other things in mind. This weekend I decided to take a hard look at where there was room for improvement and take it from there. 

1)My approach: I wasn’t taking homeschooling as “school” I was still in daycare mode. If he’s expected  to take me seriously as his teacher I had to take it seriously as well. With this new found perspective I immediately saw my flaws

2)Plan: unlike our daycare days I couldn’t rely on Pearachute; or a playdate with a friend. I couldn’t rely on running errands; visits with my elderly family members or even his favorite television shows to fill the hours between nap time. I needed a plan or else I was going to fail my son. However I couldn’t write a plan without setting some reasonable expectations for both of us as well as setting goals for the next month( I just want to be prepared) with weekly objectives to help us reach our goals. I also wrote a quick mission statement. 

Mission: I intend to use social distancing to enhance my child’s socioemotional understanding by helping him to de escalate  his tantrums; communicate why he’s frustrated (verbally/non verbally); and accept no (from my mom and I) more willingly. I also plan to use this time to further his counting skills; reinforcing the alphabet; adding more colors to his knowledge. Finally I plan to improve his motor skills through arts and craft, baking, and physical activities. 

Am I doing the absolute most?!? Yes, but can we do it; also yes. It sounds wordy but essentially I’m not trying to raise Einstein lol, I just want to continue building on what he’s learned and make sure he’s kindergarten ready when the time comes. My mission statement carefully lists all of my goals. Each of the goals is broken into weekly learning objectives. These objectives are what enabled me to write weekly lesson plans. Now I know what I’m doing, when, and how I’m doing things. This gives me a much clearer picture and allows me to prepare before each day. I anticipate the daily prep work will make our transitions smoother. 

Do I think things will always go smoothly because I wrote out plans?!? God, no! I do however feel the plans will decrease my frustration level with homeschooling and possibly enhance my productivity in other areas. 

3)Dressing the Part: I work from home, and I’ve done so for a long time. In fact before my son was born I started and ran a small business from my house. Because of this I am very well able to work in my pajamas and still be productive. My mindset doesn’t change according to my outfit as long as I know there is work to do with a goal in mind. Unfortunately my toddler doesn’t quite understand that. It’s no wonder then why he thought watching PBS all morning was an option. He was still in his pajamas!!! Clean, bathed but we weren’t going anywhere so pajamas it was. If homeschooling is going to work I’ll have to change him into school clothes. For that matter I’ll also need to change(leggings and a hoodie will do). I need to preserve as much of his normal routine as possible, and that’s where I failed last week. 

4)Regular Schedule: speaking of routines and normalcy that includes work, specialties and most importantly snacks. For example I know at daycare he has Music class on Mondays and Show and Tell on Wednesdays. I also know his snack, meal, and nap times. I need to follow those times as much as possible if I want homeschooling to be successful. 

5)Expectations: I mentioned this earlier but didn’t go in depth with it. While the expectations are more for me some of them are for him as well. Do I expect him to be able to count to 50 by the end of the month; no. I do however expect him to be engaged; be involved; listen; and at least make attempts. I do and will talk to him about what’s expected of him because it matters. 

6)Communicate: I admit in the hustle and bustle of everything I didn’t actually talk to him about what’s going on. When the week started my son was kept home because he had a cold. I had to nurse and take care of him so it’s a lot harder to communicate the larger scale of everything else when the main concern at that point was him. Now that he’s feeling better and it’s the start of a new week I need to sit him down and have the COVID-19 discussion with him.

7)Be patient and give yourself and your child(ren) grace: This is a brand new situation, one in which many of us are still adjusting to. Even if you made great adjustments last week this week may be about improvement and fine tuning. As parents that just how we operate. While yes you want to use the time you’re spending with your family wisely, it’s important to remember everyone is doing the best they can, and that includes you. Yes, enjoy your family but also remember to take some time for yourself. It can be quite daunting realizing you can’t escape the madness that is your family lolbvs! Slow down, pray, recharge, and then go handle it!! 

In closing I hope this blog helps you prepare to homeschool your children. It’s not fool proof but maybe some of my ideas can assist you and help you come up with things of your own! There are so many free virtual resources available right now. Tune into those, they’re extremely helpful. 

You got this! 

Quick Tips For Work From Home Moms

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COVID-19 has sent the Nation into a frenzy; rightfully so a lot of States are closing businesses and schools in efforts to slow the spread of the virus. This means a lot of moms will brave an unknown circumstance- working from home. While most people love the idea of working from home few actually want to when there are children involved. Perhaps it’s because of fear of lack of productivity, or maybe the adult interaction. At any rate for the next couple of weeks working from home will be a reality. I’m no expert but I do work from home everyday, and my son stays home with me twice a week(work week). It’s been an interesting seven months working from home BUT these tips have helped me and I believe they’ll help you too!!

1)Make a Schedule: For both you and your child(ren). It’s crucial to set a start and end time for your work day. You don’t want to work all day, but at the same time you need to work enough hours to ensure productivity. Honestly, even when I worked in office settings I never needed the full day to completer assignments. Because of this I tend to work shorter days now that I’m able to work from home.

As for your children they’re used to schedules from daycare or school and will crave the routine. Routines enable children to feel as though they’re in control; and anticipate what’s coming next. While your routine won’t be the same as the one they have at school be sure they have a routine for the duration of their home schooling (or at least your WFH days). If you know you have a conference call at a certain time try to schedule an independent activity for them to complete while you’re on the call. Or if you can schedule conference calls during nap time.

2)Set Deadlines: Deadlines are your friends! They will hold you accountable and determine the pace of your day. You know if you’re working ahead of time or if you need to play catch up. Now unlike being at work if a deadline involves your coworkers be sure they know the deadline. Set several Google Calendar reminders for both you and them, this will ensure everyone meets the deadline.

If you have older children and their education is being transferred to an online curriculum remember that comes with a certain amount of responsibility that they may be uncertain of. Write down their deadlines too have teach them how to use an online calendar and reminder system. If you don’t want them to have an online calendar system teach them about planners and writing down and keeping all deadlines. I find children/youth need a tad more direction with deadlines so help them make daily steps that will enable them to reach deadlines. For example if they have an essay due in one week write the due date on their calendar. Secondly, seven days out from the due date have them write they will brainstorm; six days out from due date have them find sources; five days out maybe a rough draft of the essay. This method keeps the assignment in the forefront as well as ensures it will be turned in on time.

3)Set Expectations: Don;t work aimlessly!! Work towards something, even if it’s a proposal for why you should be allowed to work from home a certain amount of days each week after returning to work.

Expectations for the children gives them something to work towards as well. For example my toddler thinks he can watch television all day if he stays home with me and well that’s not the case. His expectations are: to keep his play area clean; to work on one letter of the alphabet that day; to take a nap (lolbvvs); to work on his colors; body parts; and then maybe watch television. Of course the expectations change day to day and for you the expectations for your children should change according to their age. Be sure to keep the expectations for your child realistic. Also please don’t feel ashamed if you need to stick the kids in front of the television or ipad some days in order to get things done. I recently had to resort to that to handle an unexpected problem. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.

4)Take Hourly Breaks: No matter your surrounding work gets monotonous. Set your phone timer to take hourly breaks. This breaks will keep you rejuvenated and keep your blood flowing. During your breaks feel free to of course check on the kids but also to stretch, do a few body weight exercises; respond to missed texts and emails; and change your surroundings. Also be mindful to set another alarm to remind you to get back to work:)

5)Minimize Controlled Distractions: Unfortunately your children don’t count lol!!! Controlled distractions are your television; music; phone; and social media. If you focus on your work while you’re working and leave those things until your next break you’re certain to be productive AND more than likely you’ll finish working early for the day!!

In closing working from home isn’t perfect no matter how much you plan and schedule. The aforementioned steps just make things a tad easier. Always remember your schedule is an outline or guide; as with anything else with kids always expect the unexpected because well kids. Be as productive as possible; be patient; be proactive! It will be alright!! For more tips and tricks visit my blog home page…there’s quite a few things there.

How To Entertain Your Child Without Adding More TV Time

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I’m a work from home mom so “how to keep my son entertained” is always at the forefront. I often book/plan home showings and arrange my schedule for the day; as well as communicate with clients throughout the day while he’s home. Yes, I prefer to do all of that during nap time but oftentimes that’s not the case.There are also days where I am willing to endure two hours of Sesame Street; Paw Patrol or The Incredibles 2 two consecutive times just to get something done…..it totally happens; however working from home with a toddler/preschooler/young elementary school student can certainly be done. And more importantly can be done without increasing your child(ren’s) television time. Here are a few suggestions to help you through the next few weeks of being at home with your child:

1)Play Outside: While going to the park may or may not be a good idea your yard is not off limits. My son has quite a few toys that we can move outside such as a lawnmower; a trampoline; a basketball rim; a baseball set; a barbeque grill (let’s just say I’m well prepared for summer lol); and a wagon to name a few. We can totally set up some of his toys outside and allow him to play and run off some of his energy. If you don’t have any toys don’t panic; instead revert to old school games like “Tag” “Freeze” or “Johnny Come Across”. If you have smaller children you can always play “Simon Says” or create an Obstacle Course or Scavenger Hunt. If you have multiple children create sort of a “House Cup” challenge r your own March Madness tournament(clearly I’m watching Harry Potter and missing March Madness lolnvvs). Be creative and have fun!

2)Virtual Story Time/Music Class: There are so many children’s playrooms and such that are closing to the public but that are choosing to host virtual classes. It’s actually a smart idea. Go to your child’s favorite provider’s website or social media page and see if they’re hosting any online classes.

3)Arts and Crafts: Three words Pinterest and The Dollar Store!!! I’m not the least bit artistic in this manner but Pinterest rescues me every time. They have loads of projects you can do with your little person. One of the things I love about Pinterest is you find out as you read through the comments what works best; how messy the project was; etc. Once you’ve selected your project(s) visit your local Dollar Store and grab your items (if they’re not already in your house). As I remind myself when my son is busy with arts and crafts, be patient and smile through it…cuss while cleaning up 🙂

4)Garden: I have no clue where you live but if it’s nice enough plant a garden. If you have young children it’ll be really cool to plant things and teach them the life cycle of plants and flowers. If you have somewhat older children, maybe preschool and older you can allow them to journal or vlog about the daily or weekly progress of the plant and what if anything was done to it that day. Talk about science in action!

5)Sew: Sewing works on eye hand coordination; teaches focus and goal setting; and working to meet deadlines. I find whatever you;re working on be it a potholder; over mitt; or crochet rug really sparks your creativity and allows those creative juices to flow.

6)Flashcards: Amazon, The Dollar Store, or dare I say it homemade ones!!! Flashcards are a good way for your children to review or to learn new things. Flashcards are good for any age and you can use them with any subjects from shapes and colors to ACT/SAT prep and beyond. Flashcards are becoming such a popular thing that there are now apps on our smart devices for them. Various educational websites are beginning to have flashcards as well. You can now print them off with worksheets.

7)Poetry Set: This one can be really fun with multiple kids but it also may require some teaching. Set a time, set the lights and some music (if you wish) and let each child read a poem or two of their own writing. If it’s difficult for them to write a poem allow them to research a poem or two and read those. The people you live with can be the audience and you guys can cheer one another on. This also leads me to my next point….

8)Talent Show: Much like the Talent Show your loved ones can be the participants and the audience. Allow everyone to perform whatever they want: a dance; skit; model; sing; play an instrument; whatever cool talent they have. Don’t necessarily have judges…just give participation awards: maybe a snack or certificate or something.

9)Cook: My toddler and I frequently cook together. This allows him to work on motor skills; measurements; concentration; focusing; following instructions; and it’s therapeutic for me while allowing me to spend time with him. I honestly think we bake more together than anything. Find a recipe; take pictures; bake and enjoy your food. Cooking and baking teaches so many life lessons at once.

10) Workout together: My son and I frequently do in home cardio workouts together. Is he actually doing the exercise, well sometimes; BUT is he always tired and ready for a nap after our cardio sessions-ALWAYS!!!!!! Working out together allows your child to release pent up energy while giving you the physical activity you need. We’ve tried Yoga together a few times as well. Yoga doesn’t work too well for us but I hear it works wonders in some kids. YouTube is filled with plenty of Yoga for beginners videos. Take time to indulge.

In closing these are just some of the things you can do with your kids while they’re at home for break. Remember kids are just like adults they don’t want to work all day they require a break. At the same time they don’t need to be on the Ipad or in front of the television all day. Also remember to have a plan. I have a schedule for everyday my son stays home with me. The plan doesn’t always work but it at least gives you a guideline to work with. After planning, execute but also leave a little room for changes.

If you need suggestions for workouts with kids, Yoga, or websites please feel free to comment and I’ll help out.

Toddlers -N- Tantrums: Return to Sender

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I’ve never been one to bash any mother’s style. I’ve been a stay at home mom; a working mom and now a work from home mom so I understand the nuisances of each situation. No matter what type of mom you are you’re an amazing mom and only you know what’s best for your family. Do NOT let anyone guilt you over your decisions. Right now I want to send a special shout out to all the stay at home moms of toddlers!!!! Jesus Christ, I have no clue how you all do it! In my book you have the patience of saints because all the random tantrums of the day…..I just can’t lolbvvs!!!!


I work from home two days out of the work week(weekends not included) and my son stays home with me on those days. Today was one of our days together and I had it all planned out. We’d get up at our normal time and head to one of the Children’s museums in the area for a fun day then come home for lunch and a nap; I even found a coupon for discounted entrance. I woke up packed his snacks; got breakfast going; everything was going according to my schedule. Apparently he had other plans because ten minutes after waking up he threw the tantrum of life. Alright, one pre-breakfast tantrum I can manage; sure I think it’s too early for this; of course I have no clue what triggered him but you know what?!? Head down and keep it moving….or at least that’s what I thought. About an hour later he threw a second tantrum (at least this time I knew why) and this one lasted one hour. Yes, you read that right it lasted one full hour of screaming “no, no”; kicking; falling out; thrashing; and flailing. I walked away from him and went to another part of the house, he brought his tantrum to me. I was beyond disappointed in his actions and decisions, not to mention he completely threw off our schedule. More than that I was embarrassed…..thoroughly embarrassed…and we hadn’t even left the house yet.

At that moment I decided a thirty-five to forty-five minute drive to a museum was out of the question. Honestly, at that moment I decided we weren’t going anywhere at all. There was no way I was taking him out of the house for him to act like that in front of people. After he finally pulled himself together I talked to him about why his behavior was inappropriate and how he could’ve hurt himself. Per usual he told me he understood. I then allowed him to watch Sesame Street while I attempted to get ready. He was so calm watching Sesame Street that I debated interrupting him just to run errands. Somewhere in there I decided we’d get out of the house by running errands and instead of the museum he’d have to settle for the park. I managed to get dressed; we got out of the house; and ran all errands with NO tantrums.

Moms, I almost lost my sanity today. His tantrums were so off the chart I almost dropped him off at daycare so I could collect myself. I certainly didn’t want to leave the house. Not leaving the house or at least not wanting to leave the house with him is becoming a reoccurring theme. Over the last two weeks his tantrums have become worse. At this point if you tell him “no” he runs into a corner screaming and acts as if you just told him you were taking all his toys away. Along with the screaming, he’s now thrashing, throwing things, kicking the bed just to much worse than what they normally were. The only thing I’m happy about is he’s not volatile to the point where he will hurt others while at the climax of his tantrums. He doesn’t listen if you tell him to stop because he’ll hurt someone else BUT he does listen if you tell him he’s going to hurt someone else. Bright spot I guess….

While tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood they’re quickly becoming something that needs to cease. It’s extremely common for parents to feel embarrassed by their children’s tantrums and to my knowledge (I’m a first time mom so that knowledge is limited) society is just now empathizing with moms. While moms deserve the empathy unfortunately all moms/parents/guardians don’t receive said empathy. It was just a few weeks ago when video circulated social media about a young girl in Florida no older than the first grade who was arrested and booked by the police for throwing a tantrum at school(https://youtu.be/MSvWz6t3tfs). Her guardian wasn’t called until after the little girl was booked. Both the school district, and the criminal justice system failed this young girl and her family, but that’s another story altogether. With that type of repercussion there’s no way I can feel comfortable “just letting him outgrow this phase.” Again, I hate to bring race into my parenting blogs but in this instance it totally matters. My little black boy could very well go to jail for throwing a tantrum at school…which means there’s no room to allow him to outgrow this phase.

Since the beginning of his tantrum phase I’ve researched various ways to help him (and subsequently me) get through this. We need to learn self regulation as soon as possible. Here’s what I’ve read; tried; and why it’s failed (insert deep sigh)…

1)No Two Kids are alike: Of all the material I’ve read about toddlers, tantrums, and how to deal with them….none of this has worked me lolbs! Avoid tantrums by keeping the kids fed and full(more or less). This one doesn’t work for us because there are times where my son refuses to eat (toddlerhood) and well he fights a heavyweight battle to keep from going to bed every night. Yet, all the literature I’ve read suggests if you avoid your child being overly hungry or overly stimulated you should in theory be able to avoid a tantrum.

2) Time Outs May or May NOT Work: Not going to lie the leading literature suggests when placing a child in time out to use the one minute per year of age. For example, my son is 2 so 2 minutes should suffice. Well his daycare uses 5 minutes for all the preschoolers and that works there. He’s accustomed to it so there was no point in changing it. We use the same time out terminology and timeframe at home. Some days timeout works, other days not so much. Lately time out isn’t working at all. You can place him in time out, explain why he was in timeout and discuss better choices when he’s done but he comes out and does whatever he shouldn’t do all over again.

3)Ignoring my son NEVER works: You know how some articles say if you give the kid attention while throwing the tantrum that only gives them more ammunition to continue with the tantrum…well ignoring my son doesn’t work either. I happily go to another room (close by so I can monitor his tantrum) while he’s throwing said tantrum and he brings the tantrum to me. KID. YOU. NOT. if I wasn’t so frustrated right now it would actually be funny.

4)Redirection: To be very honest, when he’s older and knows when and when not to be persistent I will really appreciate his tenacity, and persistence. All that to say my son doesn’t quit; if he wants something he wants it and there is no amount of redirection that will change his mind. He’s quite the determined little person, so strong willed and focused. Again, I’ll love all of these characteristics in a few years but not at two.

5)Prayer: no article talks about this one, it’s my own little caveat. Some days we see a change in behavior when it happens…..other days it keeps me just barely patient enough to get to nap time without flipping out(inserts shrug).

In closing as you can see this was a bit of a rant blog(sorry), but I think it’ll spark a mini series on toddler discipline. I’m super curious to open discussions on how parents deal with things and see how parents feel about about societal norms, and “new school” discipline. As you can see I’m so lost(lol)!!! As for these tantrums-I have no idea how to get him through this phase. None of my research is helping; and honestly his tantrums have only gotten worse. Fellow parents, I need some help!!! What do you guys do? What have you done?!? I’m so far PAST over this. Please feel free to leave your comments in the comment section, help a Mama out!!

Growth(ish) Part 2: Real Recognize Real

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In Growth(ish) Part 1 I detailed an account of how and why I decided to skip out on a friend’s birthday party. I was really proud of myself because I could totally see the growth in my decision making process but also the growth in my comfort and acceptance of my single parent situation. Of course this means I was tested(deep sigh). It wasn’t the hardest of situations but it certainly forced me to come to grips with some things and acknowledge my feelings. Here goes…..

Quick background of that story I was invited to a party of a mutual friend of mine and my son’s father. After waiting to see if my son’s father would attend I decided not to go. It was just best for me to avoid him ESPECIALLY since he was bringing a plus one AND our mutual friend has no clue about the situation between us. Now that you’re all caught up that party took place on February 8th…..but on February 7th boy did I have the shock of a lifetime!!! My son and I were attending one of his toddler playpals’ 2nd birthday party in the south suburbs. Now you all don’t know this because I seldomly voice it but I attempt to stay away from the south side of the city, more specifically places I know my child’s father frequents. Yup, this extra huge city with over 3 million people and I tend to avoid one part of the city all to steer clear of one person…that’s an entirely different story. Any who, this was the south suburbs and at a children’s play venue…..not that I actually worried or previously thought about it but very low chance of running into that man.

My son and I are enjoying the party, the parents, the other little boys, the food (lol) and then it happened……while on the obstacle course I SWORE I saw my child’s father, and the infuriating part was he was with another child!!!!! Now, if it’s one thing I’m glad about it’s that I’ve learned to investigate before acting. Blood boiling, I quickly told my son “let’s go the other way around”, I needed to observe this man without being creepy. While on the other side of the obstacle course I watched the guy’s movements; motions; looked at his build and demeanor again; eyed the child trying to figure out where in the san-blue hell a 6-8 year old girl I knew nothing about could or would’ve come from. I contemplated how to approach him if it were actually my son’s father…..all of that occurred in less than three minutes, kid you not lol(women are great private detectives when necessary). You know what? I did all of that and it wasn’t even him!!!!! My brain, my emotions, everything was able to relax again. I was thoroughly embarrassed but able to play it off because no one knew what was going on. My son and I continued to enjoy the party and left at the end with no one, including the other guy having any idea of what transpired.

Even though I was able to save face, this occurrence really forced me to reflect on myself. Had I really healed? Was I truly over this guy? Why did the thought of him set me on edge? I realized it wasn’t the thought of seeing him that put me over the edge. I saw with my own two eyes that he was bringing someone else to a party and that didn’t affect me emotionally. I didn’t want him back; and I really have made strides in my healing. There was only one other time I got pissed at the thought of seeing him, and that too was a day I thought I saw him with another kid. That’s when I realized it wasn’t the thought of seeing him that upset me, it was the thought of him taking care of or spending time with another child that boiled my blood.

In that moment I didn’t take time to tell myself I was wrong for feeling that way, in that moment I was proud of myself for being up front and honest. Sometimes when we’re healing it’s easy to hide the truth from ourselves, I chose not to do that. Secondly, I gave myself permission to have those feelings. Are they good feelings; no. Can I control him; no….but it’s ok for me to feel the way I do. This is someone who rejected his child in every way imaginable, it makes sense for me to react strongly to that. However, now that I know and understand I have these feelings it’s something I need to work on; pray over; and perhaps even game plan how I should deal with it. It’s been about two weeks since this happened and I still don’t have a game plan for how to handle the fact that one day I may see him parenting another child. I plan to but haven’t done so yet. In fact if I’m being totally honest this is the first time I’ve openly talked/wrote about the situation. I believe this is the second step in confronting my feelings. I’ve acknowledged them, and now I’m admitting them. It may sound cliche’ but it actually feels really good to be open; in fact it’s freeing. Now I can pray over it, pray for healing of those feelings but also pray for my son’s healing in that department. If I get pissed at the possibility of seeing him parent another child I can only imagine how that will affect my son. I think I also need to pray over the characteristics of the father I desire for my child; and for my child not to feel any sense of “missing out on things/love”; and for his restoration.