Tag Archives: celebration

We Still Celebrated

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Over the last thirty days or so most states have been under a “Stay at Home” order. The orders have completely changed the way we celebrate everything (if those celebrations are even allowed). Before Resurrection Sunday my son and I weren’t necessarily affected celebration wise; however Resurrection Sunday was our first test. As the leader in this situation I had a decision to make; I could decide to shut the day down or I could decide to proceed as normal as possible. I decided on the latter.

First things first I continued making his Easter Basket. Since my son’s birth I’ve always made his Easter Baskets. I feel like it’s so hard to get good baskets for boys, and even harder to get functional baskets for a toddler so his have always been DIY. This year was no different. I’d decided on the theme of his basket and purchased the actual basket at the beginning of March. The initial theme of his basket was “Summer” and aside from some new reading books; socks; and boxer shorts it was going to include his daycare summer essentials. Once the “Stay At Home” order was extended to April 30th I decided to switch the theme of his basket to “quarantine survival.” Quarantine Survival included coloring books; sidewalk chalk; water paint; washable markers; sunglasses; bubble bath; place mats; and sunglasses (I also purchased a sliding board but it won’t be delivered until the end of April).

Secondly, I decided since the situation is new and since my son is more aware of things I’d start a new tradition. My train of thought behind that decision was basically I could allow him to remember Easter 2020 as “the year we were shut in” or I could allow him to remember it as “lit Easter or the Easter where we did fill in the blank.” Our new Easter tradition was to bake an Easter themed dessert. We made Rice Krispy treats with Easter M&Ms. We did a terrible job shaping them, but they were so good; and more importantly my son was so proud of his work!

Next, I love pictures. I love having his moments professionally documented. I couldn’t hire a photographer to come out and take photos so I put together a makeshift photoshoot. Using some of the Easter decor of the house and my son’s Easter Basket we went outside, used the portrait mode and timer on my Iphone and made it work! Pictures always mean coordinated outfits. I decided against my son’s original outfit as I had nothing to match. After scouring our closets I decided to revamp his outfit to something I could match….hence our #GoGreen phtoshoot (yes, we meshed March Madness and our Spartan love with our Easter photos). I’m no professional but my son had a blast and our photos look pretty good. Using one of our favorite photos I made an Easter card via Canva and texted it out. The text to family and friends allowed both them and us to feel connected during this time of social distancing.

As for church, we stayed in our dress clothes and went to virtual church! Since the “Stay At Home” order we’d been watching our virtual services in our PJs with breakfast, however because it was Resurrection Sunday I wanted him to feel as though we were at church which meant he needed to be dressed. This year he was excited to see the other children orate their Easter speeches. Of course that wasn’t going to happen this year so we taught him a quick speech and let him recite it to us, then gave him the loudest round of applause. No, we can’t go to church but we can certainly simulate the experience.

Finally we had our traditional Easter dinner. We love to eat so we don’t exactly need a holiday as an excuse to lay out a dinner. This particular dinner was different though as certain family members wouldn’t be in attendance; and because we couldn’t spend time visiting with my uncle who is in a nursing home.

We decided to celebrate!! Celebrating Easter 2020 was different and probably felt more isolated for most people but with a little help from technology and a lot of creativity we made it as normal as possible. It was extremely important to me that in such a time of uncertainty my son felt as normal as possible. It was important that a part of his childhood wasn’t blurred or marred because of this pandemic. More importantly it was important that my son realize that outward or worldly circumstances don’t affect us celebrating Jesus’ resurrection. I needed him to understand that without Jesus’ resurrection we wouldn’t have His blood to protect us everyday. I made sure that we celebrated with both old and new traditions one yes to create memories; but two to make sure he understands the true meaning of Resurrection (Easter) Sunday. We don’t celebrate only when things are good; we celebrate every year no matter what. He also needed to see that it was ok to celebrate without family members. He needs to see and understand that because unfortunately people will pass and one day not be there with us. I need him to know it is possible to make adjustments and that life still goes on. In conclusion social distancing Resurrection Sunday celebration was much needed, and a huge success. I’m thankful for everything that it brought and I encourage you to be creative and think outside the box (or Pinterest ideas) for your next quarantine celebration.

And Now We Celebrate

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As I stated in the previous blog, I was over it. Over arguing with someone I wasn’t with, over arguing with someone who continuously showed he didn’t want to co-parent, over overextending myself to make sure he understood he was wanted and needed as a parent…just over it!! I was driving myself nuts trying to make the best of this situation for my son and not realizing that I wasn’t my best self for him because I was allowing my emotional boundaries to be overstepped. I remember walking into my therapist’s office and proclaiming “IM DONE!!!” She didn’t even ask with what, she said finally!!! Then she told me she was glad I finally learned I couldn’t make my son’s father want to be there AND I had no reason to feel guilty. That was an extremely freeing moment!! We’re celebrating that lol! I finally figured out his absence wasn’t my fault, I did everything I could. I wasn’t shutting the door on my son’s ability to have a relationship with him because there was no relationship to be had. Once I let go of that guilt I actually cut him completely off. The conversations we were having weren’t helping my son, they weren’t helping me so why was I still allowing them? Yup, done. Cut him right off….talk about peace.

You know what else we’re celebrating? We’re celebrating the fact that I am finally happy with my family as is. Yes, it took some time; I mourned what I lost, my possible future with this man; I mourned the loss of my ideal family; I mourned my child not having a father but then..I became content(I actually blogged about it this sometime this summer). Instead of focusing on what I lost I decided to focus on what I had…which is a mom who LOVES spending time with her grandson, and loves helping out. I had cousins who love him and don’t mind the fact that he’s always with me; I had my sister and best friends who were there for whatever my son and I needed. Realizing that I had just as much if not more than what I lost gave me a new found hope and thus was and is worth celebrating.

I switched careers and am handling ALL of the financial responsibilities for my son on my own. I’m not so much basking in the fact that I have to handle all the financial responsibility for my son on my own( that’s something I forgive my son’s father for daily in order to keep from being pissed) but I’m basking in the fact that I had the ABILITY to switch to a career that was more parent friendly, and in switching careers I am able to handle everything I need to. Now I could write an entire blog about hits point alone but I’ll try not to(today anyway). Like so many single parents I thought about going for child support. I even filled out the application but I never pursued it beyond that. At the end of the day I don’t want him to think he has rights to my child because he sends a check. Just wasn’t what I wanted to do. Even though I decided not to pursue child support I still felt bad and even angry on a monthly basis….specifically if I was paying daycare tuition or if something popped up unexpectedly that my child needed. I remember getting so pissed off and cussing him as I struggled to figure out how to maneuver the money I had. One day I was having a conversation with one of my married friends and daycare tuition came up and she spoke about how her and her husband didn’t want to have more children because the cost of daycare was too much….how paying for one child was a balancing act for them. Now I wasn’t happy that they found themselves balancing money BUT hearing that made me feel good to know that even with a co-parent I still would’ve dealt with the same issues. So I’m celebrating!!! I’m overcame my anger, and frustrations around this part of single parenting and found a way to get it done!

You know what else we’re celebrating? We’re celebrating that my child hasn’t missed a beat!! My child has so many great experiences, he’s so happy and I was honest afraid he’d miss that. He has done so much in his almost two years of life. He’s gone to sporting events both pro and collegiate; he’s been to amusement parks; live shows; concerts; museums; zoos…all the kid hotspots lol! He seriously hasn’t missed a beat. The only reason we haven’t gone out of town yet is because I switched jobs…..and daycare tuition could care less that I was between careers Lolbvvs! So many toddlers only have material things: clothes, shoes, toys. It meant to much to me to give him experiences and I admit I was afraid that would decrease or not happen at all once his father left us.

We’re going to celebrate the fact that my stalker popped up at my house( and yes my son’s father knew this was an issue way before my son was conceived) and I was able to secure protection for my son and I by myself. Scary as hell, but guess what it needed to be done so I got it done. The last time I got an Order of Protection against this stalker my son’s father was with me every step of the way, it was so different going to the police stations and court dates by myself. I won’t lie, even getting my weapon and going to the classes was tough and intimidating but at the end of the day my son needed protecting and I wasn’t going to let him down. I’m proud of myself for the courage it took to do it alone.

I’m celebrating the fact that this same stalker decide to release via social media some extra old ( dry close to 10 years) videos of he and I being intimate…and Instead of cowering down and looking for someone to hold me down and remind me of who I am, and help me protect my son I held my head up and endured the situation alone. Now please believe me it was t easy. I was already emotionally battered and warn from the single parent situation, I was insecure about being a single parent and trying to find my identity as a single parent so that was not something I had room on my emotional plate for. In fact I had no tolerance whatsoever for this, but I had to find the strength to push through this as well. Thank God for His strength and again my core group of friends. Not sure how else I would’ve made it through that ordeal.

Stalker nonsense aside, I am also celebrating the fact that men still find me desirable. Yes, I won’t lie once my son’s father left I temporarily gave up on marriage. I thought no one could or would ever want me because I was now damaged goods. I figured no man would want to be bothered with the perceived drama of dealing with another man. I’m sure hare reading this and wondering wth is wrong with me, but remember this guy was my first love, we planned on getting married…and this thought was planted in my head since high school. In my mind when he left he took that possibility with him. I was so broken. I am thankful because one I didn’t hop into anything right after this went down….so no rebound dude issues (a previous break up with my son’s father is how I got the stalker in the beginning) that was growth. But also, at the right time God sent men along to remind me that I was still beautiful, and intelligent, still had a good head on my shoulders…and that have a child didn’t make me less desirable BUT them seeing how I was with my child made me MORE desirable. Now those potential relationships didn’t work out but I don’t feel as if they were meant to work. I feel like those dudes were sent to show me that at the appropriate time God will send the man who will love me the way Christ loves the church, He’ll send someone who will be happy with me and treat my son as if he has his DNA. That restoration of confidence is worth celebrating.

What I am most proud of myself for, what I celebrate the most is no matter how depressed I was, how down I felt, no matter how insecure I might’ve been, no matter how angry I was on the inside….my countenance remained the same. I was dying inside but laughing outside. I was dying inside but sharing, and still compassionate with others. I was doubting if I was worth marrying and would ever get married BUT able to celebrate with my girls when they got engaged! Not once did I get stingy and decide not to give to others, or decide to forgo celebrating with others. I did the opposite and gave with no grudges. I celebrated as if it were my own feat. It is this stability, this outward stability that I celebrate most. I still don’t know why I went through this. I have no clue why after 19 years my best friend, first love, and father of my child decided that he was better off doing life without my son and I but he did. I still can’t answer why we were looking for houses and talking about marriage one month and the next month he told his mother “ we took a DNA test and our son wasn’t his”. I don’t even look for answers anymore or try to understand it all. What I do know is I did my part. God told me to apologize, forgive, and seek therapy and in turn He gave me peace…not answers but peace. I am so happy and at peace with my life and the direction it’s going in. Yes, every blue moon I get down about something but I look at my son and reflect on God’s grace and know that everything will work itself out. In closing it’s my single mom-aversary and I AM celebrating!!! I am celebrating peace, joy, overcoming, and most importantly finding myself deeper in God! I’m an overcomes! I survived what tried to take me out!!! It’s a celebration MITCHES!!