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2023 Goals

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This year I am ALL about better management, I keep saying this as if I am a terrible manager of my life and I am wasting it away BUT long story short I just want to make sure I am utilizing everything efficiently. With this in mind, I decided to audit EVERYTHING, including my time. In my own defense, I am a good on-the-fly auditor of my time but I wanted to get a more in-depth look. For the first few weeks of the month I’ve decided to chart and time my tasks.

Grocery Shopping: What I found out is certain things take much longer than they should, for example, grocery shopping. I tend to plan 2 hours for grocery shopping, however, it always takes half of the day. I honestly did not understand why grocery shopping took half of my day so auditing greatly helped. From tracking my times I realized I visit multiple stores, neither of the stores are in my neighborhood, and one of them is at least a thirty-minute drive. My preferred Target already starts me at one hour of time spent. Now, I specifically go to that Target for food for my son. The Targets in my neighborhood do not carry the Kidfresh Brand. A task also included in grocery shopping is cleaning down each product and as well as repackaging and dating.

Phone calls: take a minimum of 30 mins.

Tips to Master Your Calendar

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Stick with me and you’ll learn that after a semi-heavy series of blogs I like to lighten the mood. Usually, this is done by giving a tip or something else that has benefited me as a parent. Like all of you, I have a lot going on. A. LOT. LOL!!!!!! I am a full-time parent, I work full-time, I am working on my master’s degree(yup, I know I just dropped a bombshell lol), I am actively looking for a new job, I’m involved on community boards, AND I am working on blogging on a consistent basis. Like I said, too much!! As my son has gotten older, and the world has opened up managing his calendar has been a real chore. It is something I have worked on extensively and honestly, it’s something I tweak whenever I feel overwhelmed or think something isn’t working.

The one thing I do that helps me keep track of everything is have a master calendar. The master calendar allows me to see how busy my days and weeks really are. The master calendar contains all of my appointments, interviews, social events, and assignments alongside of my son’s appointments, classes/lessons, parties, half days, days out of school, and anything else that may come up regarding him. Upkeep of a master calendar isn’t as bad as it sounds, but there are some boundaries that I set in order to keep my sanity.

  1. Make a ledger: Everything is color coded. Just from looking at the color of the event, I have a general idea of what is going on. For example, a red event means someone has a doctor’s or dentist’s appointment. While yellow means something is due.
  2. Place a HOLD on tentative dates: For example, planning fall events for my son can be interesting. We like to go pumpkin picking, apple picking, to fall festivals/parades, you name it we want to attend it. Occasionally we invite friends and syncing schedules can be difficult. While waiting on confirmations I place a “HOLD” on tentative dates; this decreases the chance for time conflicts.
  3. Know Your Child’s Circle: I purposely keep up with my son’s close friends. I gauge who he plays with most and what they like doing together. Basically, a classmate has to be in that rotation for us to attend the birthday party. For any other parties I won’t even mention to him that he was invited.
  4. Sports/Lessons: I space the lessons by 2-3 days. T-ball is always on Saturday mornings, thereby giving him a weekend outing. Some weekends I need more study time than others which means the probability of us going somewhere is slim to none. Going to T-ball kills two birds with one stone, it gives him time to play and interact with others (aka an outing lol) AND it tires him out. His second lesson, swimming is during the week and is about 90 minutes prior to bedtime. With swim being so late it tires him out. We can go home, take a bath, eat dinner and go to bed.
  5. Plan Ahead: There is a 98.8% chance that I will say no to any impromptu outing. If we can’t plan ahead I can’t go and neither can my son. It’s that simple.
  6. Set Notifications: As a Type A personality I hate notifications! Most times they make me feel as if there is something that needs to be done. However, notifications for my calendar are clutch. Because my days are so packed it is easy to forget something. I set two notifications, one is a few days prior to the event, and the other is a few hours before the event. The notifications help me to plan my departure and get to my destination somewhat on time.
  7. Set Reminders: Before my son, I rarely forgot anything. After my son, I rarely remember. Reminders, help me remember what to pack and take. Reminders are also effective for tasks that need to be completed too far in advance for me to remember. For example, if I can’t register for something until I certain day I set a reminder in my calendar for that date with a description of what it is.
  8. Send Calendar Invites: If you’re coming with me expect a calendar invite. I need to be able to text or call you if I am late.
  9. Schedule Time For Yourself: I’m sure this one sounds dumb, but if it’s important it needs to be scheduled to ensure it takes place. This is true of exercising, reading(for enjoyment), the occasional binge-a-thon, etc. As a single-mom it is easy to forget or forgo something for myself in order to ensure things are done for my son. It’s hard to pour from an empty cup, so I schedule time with and for myself.
  10. Sync Your Other Calendars to Your Master: The purpose of having a master calendar is to see everything on one calendar, to get an overarching “BIG” picture of your day. If your other calendars are not synced to one main calendar you’re not helping yourself. If you use Google Calendar there is an easy way to sync/export the calendars. This feature alleviates the pain of you having to re-enter all of your events.

There are a few of my tips for managing your calendar. If you have other calendar management tips please drop them in the comments section!!

Discontentment

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Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been detailing my job dissatisfaction and the possibility of being laid off. I brushed over my emotions regarding the possible layoff but I never talked about my discontentment with the job prior to all of that happening. According to Merriam-Webster discontentment is defined as the lack of satisfaction with one’s status, possessions, or situation. For me, it wasn’t about status, but possessions and situation(s). I took this job a couple of years ago happy that I was moving from a contractor role to that of an employee. Employee status afforded me stability income-wise, and insurance which is a must for anyone with children. I’ve often said if it weren’t for my son I’d work as a contractor while improving upon and building my own business. Unfortunately, when he was born I was nowhere near where I needed to be financially in order to support a newborn as an entrepreneur, and shortly after that his other 23 chromosomes split so I got up and got back into the workforce. I did what needed to be done, and I don’t regret that. Back to why we’re here lol…

I knew what I was getting into when I took this job, I was getting into a remote position with limited opportunities for growth, with mediocre pay that would require a lot during busy season. I was fine with that because it got me out of the field during the height of the pandemic (first wave), allowed me to learn how to do contracts and other backend work that could help me move into a better position, and it gave me insurance. That’s why I took the job. I never intended to stay more than 2 years in the position. About 6 months into the position I learned I did NOT want the other job that I originally wanted to move into. From working as a partner with what I thought would be the “next move” for me I learned people in that role are beyond stressed and are not allowed to impose work-life boundaries on clients. As a single-parent I value boundaries and a work-life balance not having it is a no go for me. Seven to eight months into my current job I earned my highest take-home pay and was pissed because it was nowhere near enough. Nine months into my job I was told by a mortagator that I don’t make enough to buy a house where I wanted to live….like not even close to where I wanted to live. Basically, I could buy a house but it would not be in a good neighborhood. I’ve been in my feelings since then, real talk. How is it that I assist in the sale of homes on a daily basis (that’s my job), I work in real estate but I can’t afford to purchase a home for myself and my son?!?!? That was the end of the end for me, and I’ve been discontent since.

I stayed in the role reminding myself of the consolation prize, remote work, and the ability to be with my son. No matter how many times I reminded myself of that it wasn’t good enough. In hind sight I settled, I didn’t do myself any favors. Hell staying in the role caused more harm than good. Now, I will admit I have applied in spurts throughout the year and was even offered 2 positions with other companies, neither of which I accepted. After weighing the pros and cons, neither job was a step up for me. Both offers were lateral steps that didn’t offer enough money to leave the position I already had. Discontentment soured into apathy; apathy soured into disassociation; disassociation turned into loathsome. The latest possibility of being laid off is a bruise to my ego, for other reasons BUT it is also a sigh of relief. In some way, I feel like it’s God’s way of telling me a new job needs to be my central focus.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know it felt good to get all of those emotions out. It feels good to have a focal point and to know what my negotiables and non-negotiables are in a job. Here’s to new beginnings!

Good Enough is No Longer Good Enough

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My son is happiest when I’m home with him, there’s no getting around that. Working remotely has made that possible, it’s allowed me to organize and attend class parties, allowed me to attend all of his school functions, and it’s afforded him the ability to not spend 12+ hours away from home. In fact, if he was sick or when his class was quarantined, working remotely made it easier for him to stay home. I didn’t have to look for a sitter, I wasn’t out of extra money, and there were no issues.

Working remotely presented a few issues of its own, because it was remote I did not make enough. I actually justified staying in the low-paying job because it provided me with the flexibility of time. Not only was I able to do what was necessary with and or for my son, but I also didn’t have to work weekends and for the most part I did very little overtime. There was a rare occasion when I worked past 5P. What happens when freedom of time isn’t enough? Or worse what happens when the one thing keeping you at the job(work-life boundaries) get blurred?

What happens when you’re at a crossroads of needing more money and time flexibility? What does that look like in a country where the health pandemic has magnified the crisis that working mothers have faced for years? I honestly have no clue, no idea how or where to begin my search. I’ve been at this crossroad for a while now, and I honestly tried to avoid it. Each time I’ve had enough I pull out my reasons for why this job is good for us, but this time…it’s not working.

In all honesty, I don’t know what happens and I don’t know how to fix this. What I do know is I can’t continue to stay in a position that no longer fits my family’s needs. The crazy thing is in the midst of my unsatisfaction, I am still thankful. Thankful that I had the opportunity to work from home, thankful this job afforded me opportunities to be a better parent, and thankful that I learned what this particular season of my life needs in a job. I think being able to conceptualize and articulate my specific needs is probably the best gift I could’ve received.

Based on my needs I think it’s also important to step up my passive income pursuits and my entrepreneurial goals and timeline. We know most companies are not suitable for mothers. It’s time to make an exit plan and put it into action.

Daycare or Nah?

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Due to the interesting circumstances in which my son was born I decided to stay home with him as long as possible in efforts to get to know him; bond with him; and settle into my new role as mommy(remind me to one day write about how I found out I was pregnant). I closed down my fitness business, for me it was impossible to run a second year start up business; work my part time fitness job; continue to take care of my mom(at the time she was just finishing her second battle with breast cancer); and raise this little boy. Looking at that collection of issues closing my business was an easy decision. I kept my part time fitness job, I taught two forty-five minute classes each week; and I continued coping with my mom and raising my child.

The part time job in itself was hell on wheels. While it was only two forty-five minute classes twice a week, those classes were early morning classes. I’d get very little sleep with a newborn and then wake up and got teach only to come back home more exhausted to a wide awake baby and have to go through our day until he finally took a nap. The part time job kept some money coming in; but not enough. Around the beginning of summer my savings began dwindling and I decided it was time to begin applying for jobs. Coupled with the idea of getting a job was the thought I’d need to place my son in daycare…..and honestly this was the hard part.

There was so much guilt surrounding the thought of putting him in daycare. Would they treat him right? Would he receive the care he needed? Will I miss his first steps? Would he like it? How would he feel going from spending all day everyday with his mommy to spending eight hours a day with a stranger? Would he think I don’t love him anymore? Would he feel neglected? Would I be able to continue nursing him? Would the daycare care center follow the dietary restrictions I’d set for him? So many questions; so many uneasy feelings; and so many tears. All of this happened before I began looking for daycare centers.

After talking to a few of my mom friends I was convinced of two things: one, everything I felt was normal; and two, I needed to take the home daycare route. Home daycare is smaller so the kids tend to get the care and attention they need. The child adjusts easier

Being a Mom Made Me a Better Employee

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This may sound stupid but prior to becoming a mom I never gave thought to the idea of work-mom life balance; and I certainly never thought being a mom would teach lessons I’d be able to transfer and apply in my work life. So imagine my surprise when asked in an interview ” how do you handle defeat; what if anything do you learn from defeat; and how do you implement those lessons” and the first example I thought about came from motherhood. Both surprised, and startled I sat there for a few extra seconds trying to recount the last defeat I had that didn’t pertain to motherhood…nothing came to mind. Finally I looked at my interviewer and asked “Do you mind if I use an example from parenting?” I could see the surprise in her face but not wanting to seem rude she answered ” hmm sure”.

I looked my interviewer square in the eyes and told her the majority of my latest defeats have occurred in motherhood. My most humbling moments and greatest lessons over the past two years have happened at the hands of my son. As a parent you set countless goals for yourself and your children. Whether or not you make or miss the mark and how you deal with it makes all the difference and sets you up for success or failure later on. For example before my son was born I set a goal to nurse him for one full year. Aside from nursing the only food he’d receive was the food I made and solids were not to be introduced before the six month mark. I was blessed we had no latching issues; no nursing issues; and no supply issues for six months. My son was happy, healthy, and thrived. This was especially tremendous as I didn’t have any lactation classes nor did I work with a consult. According to plan at six months I introduced solids. I went to the Farmers Market purchased; picked; cleaned; cored; peeled; and pureed it. I froze our access…we were thriving and we were doing things according to my plans. We were succeeding!

At nine months all of that changed. I went back to work full time, my now decreasing supply seemed to dry completely up and at nine months I was forced to stop nursing. I was devastated. I failed! We did not reach my goal….and worse than knowing we didn’t reach my goal was the thought of being a terrible mom; the thought that he’d get sick and it would be my fault. The thought of him possibly becoming obese and it being my fault; the thought of him no longer thriving and it being my fault. What failure is worse than that?

I had her, at this point she was so into my answer and that was great because all if it was true; I couldn’t make it up if I tried lol! I looked at her and said well how’d I handle that? First, I had to come out of my feelings. I had to make a list of all the great things that we’d accomplished and realize that each goal was to be celebrated not thrown away and looked down upon because the ultimate goal wasn’t reached. Next I made a list of what I thought went wrong and took notes on what I felt could be done better. The third thing I did was realize that I need to give myself grace. I am great when it comes to extending grace to others but I am the absolute hardest on myself. Next, I had to come to grips with the fact that goals are fluid. They change and it’s quite alright.

How do I

Quick Tips For Work From Home Moms

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COVID-19 has sent the Nation into a frenzy; rightfully so a lot of States are closing businesses and schools in efforts to slow the spread of the virus. This means a lot of moms will brave an unknown circumstance- working from home. While most people love the idea of working from home few actually want to when there are children involved. Perhaps it’s because of fear of lack of productivity, or maybe the adult interaction. At any rate for the next couple of weeks working from home will be a reality. I’m no expert but I do work from home everyday, and my son stays home with me twice a week(work week). It’s been an interesting seven months working from home BUT these tips have helped me and I believe they’ll help you too!!

1)Make a Schedule: For both you and your child(ren). It’s crucial to set a start and end time for your work day. You don’t want to work all day, but at the same time you need to work enough hours to ensure productivity. Honestly, even when I worked in office settings I never needed the full day to completer assignments. Because of this I tend to work shorter days now that I’m able to work from home.

As for your children they’re used to schedules from daycare or school and will crave the routine. Routines enable children to feel as though they’re in control; and anticipate what’s coming next. While your routine won’t be the same as the one they have at school be sure they have a routine for the duration of their home schooling (or at least your WFH days). If you know you have a conference call at a certain time try to schedule an independent activity for them to complete while you’re on the call. Or if you can schedule conference calls during nap time.

2)Set Deadlines: Deadlines are your friends! They will hold you accountable and determine the pace of your day. You know if you’re working ahead of time or if you need to play catch up. Now unlike being at work if a deadline involves your coworkers be sure they know the deadline. Set several Google Calendar reminders for both you and them, this will ensure everyone meets the deadline.

If you have older children and their education is being transferred to an online curriculum remember that comes with a certain amount of responsibility that they may be uncertain of. Write down their deadlines too have teach them how to use an online calendar and reminder system. If you don’t want them to have an online calendar system teach them about planners and writing down and keeping all deadlines. I find children/youth need a tad more direction with deadlines so help them make daily steps that will enable them to reach deadlines. For example if they have an essay due in one week write the due date on their calendar. Secondly, seven days out from the due date have them write they will brainstorm; six days out from due date have them find sources; five days out maybe a rough draft of the essay. This method keeps the assignment in the forefront as well as ensures it will be turned in on time.

3)Set Expectations: Don;t work aimlessly!! Work towards something, even if it’s a proposal for why you should be allowed to work from home a certain amount of days each week after returning to work.

Expectations for the children gives them something to work towards as well. For example my toddler thinks he can watch television all day if he stays home with me and well that’s not the case. His expectations are: to keep his play area clean; to work on one letter of the alphabet that day; to take a nap (lolbvvs); to work on his colors; body parts; and then maybe watch television. Of course the expectations change day to day and for you the expectations for your children should change according to their age. Be sure to keep the expectations for your child realistic. Also please don’t feel ashamed if you need to stick the kids in front of the television or ipad some days in order to get things done. I recently had to resort to that to handle an unexpected problem. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.

4)Take Hourly Breaks: No matter your surrounding work gets monotonous. Set your phone timer to take hourly breaks. This breaks will keep you rejuvenated and keep your blood flowing. During your breaks feel free to of course check on the kids but also to stretch, do a few body weight exercises; respond to missed texts and emails; and change your surroundings. Also be mindful to set another alarm to remind you to get back to work:)

5)Minimize Controlled Distractions: Unfortunately your children don’t count lol!!! Controlled distractions are your television; music; phone; and social media. If you focus on your work while you’re working and leave those things until your next break you’re certain to be productive AND more than likely you’ll finish working early for the day!!

In closing working from home isn’t perfect no matter how much you plan and schedule. The aforementioned steps just make things a tad easier. Always remember your schedule is an outline or guide; as with anything else with kids always expect the unexpected because well kids. Be as productive as possible; be patient; be proactive! It will be alright!! For more tips and tricks visit my blog home page…there’s quite a few things there.

How To Entertain Your Child Without Adding More TV Time

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I’m a work from home mom so “how to keep my son entertained” is always at the forefront. I often book/plan home showings and arrange my schedule for the day; as well as communicate with clients throughout the day while he’s home. Yes, I prefer to do all of that during nap time but oftentimes that’s not the case.There are also days where I am willing to endure two hours of Sesame Street; Paw Patrol or The Incredibles 2 two consecutive times just to get something done…..it totally happens; however working from home with a toddler/preschooler/young elementary school student can certainly be done. And more importantly can be done without increasing your child(ren’s) television time. Here are a few suggestions to help you through the next few weeks of being at home with your child:

1)Play Outside: While going to the park may or may not be a good idea your yard is not off limits. My son has quite a few toys that we can move outside such as a lawnmower; a trampoline; a basketball rim; a baseball set; a barbeque grill (let’s just say I’m well prepared for summer lol); and a wagon to name a few. We can totally set up some of his toys outside and allow him to play and run off some of his energy. If you don’t have any toys don’t panic; instead revert to old school games like “Tag” “Freeze” or “Johnny Come Across”. If you have smaller children you can always play “Simon Says” or create an Obstacle Course or Scavenger Hunt. If you have multiple children create sort of a “House Cup” challenge r your own March Madness tournament(clearly I’m watching Harry Potter and missing March Madness lolnvvs). Be creative and have fun!

2)Virtual Story Time/Music Class: There are so many children’s playrooms and such that are closing to the public but that are choosing to host virtual classes. It’s actually a smart idea. Go to your child’s favorite provider’s website or social media page and see if they’re hosting any online classes.

3)Arts and Crafts: Three words Pinterest and The Dollar Store!!! I’m not the least bit artistic in this manner but Pinterest rescues me every time. They have loads of projects you can do with your little person. One of the things I love about Pinterest is you find out as you read through the comments what works best; how messy the project was; etc. Once you’ve selected your project(s) visit your local Dollar Store and grab your items (if they’re not already in your house). As I remind myself when my son is busy with arts and crafts, be patient and smile through it…cuss while cleaning up 🙂

4)Garden: I have no clue where you live but if it’s nice enough plant a garden. If you have young children it’ll be really cool to plant things and teach them the life cycle of plants and flowers. If you have somewhat older children, maybe preschool and older you can allow them to journal or vlog about the daily or weekly progress of the plant and what if anything was done to it that day. Talk about science in action!

5)Sew: Sewing works on eye hand coordination; teaches focus and goal setting; and working to meet deadlines. I find whatever you;re working on be it a potholder; over mitt; or crochet rug really sparks your creativity and allows those creative juices to flow.

6)Flashcards: Amazon, The Dollar Store, or dare I say it homemade ones!!! Flashcards are a good way for your children to review or to learn new things. Flashcards are good for any age and you can use them with any subjects from shapes and colors to ACT/SAT prep and beyond. Flashcards are becoming such a popular thing that there are now apps on our smart devices for them. Various educational websites are beginning to have flashcards as well. You can now print them off with worksheets.

7)Poetry Set: This one can be really fun with multiple kids but it also may require some teaching. Set a time, set the lights and some music (if you wish) and let each child read a poem or two of their own writing. If it’s difficult for them to write a poem allow them to research a poem or two and read those. The people you live with can be the audience and you guys can cheer one another on. This also leads me to my next point….

8)Talent Show: Much like the Talent Show your loved ones can be the participants and the audience. Allow everyone to perform whatever they want: a dance; skit; model; sing; play an instrument; whatever cool talent they have. Don’t necessarily have judges…just give participation awards: maybe a snack or certificate or something.

9)Cook: My toddler and I frequently cook together. This allows him to work on motor skills; measurements; concentration; focusing; following instructions; and it’s therapeutic for me while allowing me to spend time with him. I honestly think we bake more together than anything. Find a recipe; take pictures; bake and enjoy your food. Cooking and baking teaches so many life lessons at once.

10) Workout together: My son and I frequently do in home cardio workouts together. Is he actually doing the exercise, well sometimes; BUT is he always tired and ready for a nap after our cardio sessions-ALWAYS!!!!!! Working out together allows your child to release pent up energy while giving you the physical activity you need. We’ve tried Yoga together a few times as well. Yoga doesn’t work too well for us but I hear it works wonders in some kids. YouTube is filled with plenty of Yoga for beginners videos. Take time to indulge.

In closing these are just some of the things you can do with your kids while they’re at home for break. Remember kids are just like adults they don’t want to work all day they require a break. At the same time they don’t need to be on the Ipad or in front of the television all day. Also remember to have a plan. I have a schedule for everyday my son stays home with me. The plan doesn’t always work but it at least gives you a guideline to work with. After planning, execute but also leave a little room for changes.

If you need suggestions for workouts with kids, Yoga, or websites please feel free to comment and I’ll help out.