Category Archives: Parenting

Moment of Truth

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I’m going to be completely honest with you all, I messed up. Not necessarily in parenting(not yet anyway), but with my organization. Yes, I am the same person who wrote about maximizing your time, told y’all how I schedule everything, and well….for the last two months of 2022 I was all over the place. Honestly, I think that’s been the case since September 2022. I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’m being extremely transparent because transparency is at the core of who I am as a blogger. I don’t hide stuff from you all lol! Two, I am giving you permission to fail(ish) and rebound from it. I failed in certain aspects of managing my time which I’ll get into in a minute but guess what? While it’s not how I like to do things, I survived, the boy thrived, he’s happy, healthy, and well most things got done.

NOW, let me tell you all what the heck happened. For those of you who are new here, I am in a master’s program. This is year two of a two-and-a-half program. With the arrival of 2023 I can actually see the “end of the tunnel” but um, last semester, Fall 2022 that was not the case. My semesters are divided into two, eight-week classes. In theory, this is to ensure you’re able to handle the coursework while juggling adult life. The first course I took in Fall 2022 was a Bio Stats class. I’ve taken stats before in undergrad and so I was not necessarily concerned. I prepared as I normally do for any class, I studied the syllabus, placed due dates in my calendar, reminders to do or check work, and made a study plan. Y’all nothing would’ve prepared me for that class. NOTHING!!!!!

I was spending the entire day doing work. ENTIRE DAY!!! I was going to bed and sleeping maybe 4 hours because of course I’m not just a student and there were other things I had to do…like be a parent. You guys, I cut OUT all extracurricular activities, I barely took time for myself, and I had to temporarily eliminate movie night with my son….there was just not enough time in the day to complete all of this work. The homework assignments were killer. You had maybe 3 days to turn them in, and you had to get the assigned percentage. For example, for most assignments, I needed an 80% in order to have the homework assignment counted. It would take a minimum of 3 hours to do the assignments, I wouldn’t get an 80 and then had to try the entire assignment all over again. Some assignments I didn’t receive credit for, and it wasn’t because I didn’t do the work, it was simply because I didn’t get the approved grade. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my work but I’d say 50% of the homework assignments I didn’t get credit for.

This class was brutal. YES, I got a tutor, YES I met with the TA, hell, I even met with the professor a few times. The shit kicked my ass and there is no other way to say it. My brain was fried, and I felt defeated. I was doing my best but it was nowhere near good enough. I was tired, battered, and just over it. I actually pondered dropping the class and prolonging my graduation date. Shit was beyond rough. Y’all know it was because I don’t cuss like this in my writing….so my apologies. Guys, one weekend I needed to preserve my sanity so I blew everything off and thing out with my son. I must say that was refreshing for both of us.

In the end, by the absolute Grace of God I finished with a B-. I couldn’t have been more excited but y’all I was exhausted. I’m still not sure how I managed my son’s birthday. But the beating I took caused me to literally fly by the seat of my pants through November and December. My brain was done, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I was so exhausted from the previous class that I failed to chart out my second class, and almost missed the due date for my final project. BUT God!!!!

In closing, I completely apologize for leaving you all hanging. I apologize for my inconsistency, for my randomness, and for not following through. I assure you that I did nothing but rest over the last 2-3 weeks and I am rejuvenated and ready for the new year. I have already begun planning my year, and I’ve even tightened up some of my organizational skills and techniques. I’ll write about some of the interesting things I decided to do and the goals I’ve set for myself and my son very soon. For now, I just wanted to apologize and thank you for sticking with me!

In The Illustrious Words of DMX, “Party Up”

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In Birthday Month, I detailed how I navigate the fall and Halloween festivities. While it may not have seemed like an ideal starting point it was necessary as it corresponds to his birthday. As you read some of those outings count as birthday gifts from my friends. If you didn’t get that far, do yourself a favor and go finish the blog lol!! Next, we will detail how I decide on parties, themes, and the like. To party or not to party, that’s always the question. The top three questions I ask myself when deciding whether or not to have a party, “Can I afford it?” “Do I want to be bothered with people?”, ” Can I use this money to celebrate in a more memorable way?” From there I either decide yay or nay.

Each year is different, different parenting challenges, different childhood phases, and yes, even different feelings on whether or not to do a party. Before kids, I always said I wasn’t wasting money on an extravagant first birthday party and it is safe to say I lied. It wasn’t as extravagant as it could’ve been BUT it was big enough. How did I arrive at the conclusion, well his first year of life was tumultuous for me emotionally and I wanted him to be surrounded by people who loved him, who celebrated him, people who were happy he was born. Hell, people who loved me. His first birthday party was necessary, quite possibly for me more than for him. It was the best party he’s ever had, and not because of its extravagance but because of the love and support we received on that day. I will always hold that party close to my heart. His second birthday was my first year in Real Estate and well I just couldn’t afford a party. I settled on a family dinner at a pizza restaurant and never felt bad about it. His third birthday was during the pandemic (before vaccines) and it was also the first time he was completely aware that it was his birthday. For those reasons, I decided on a party, in-home, two guests, ut loads of presents and a big balloon display outside. He was and still is thrilled, his favorite thing, the balloon display…and yes, this counted as a gift. His fourth birthday was supposed to be a trip to Disney but the vaccines for his age group had yet to be approved and I couldn’t bring myself to take him to Florida of all places unvaccinated. I canceled the trip and gave him a party as a consultation prize. Each year truly ebbs and flows, and has changes and challenges of its own. Be kind to yourself, be flexible, and do what works best for you and your family.

After deciding to throw a party, my second step is to decide what I want and don’t want to do. For example, I DO NOT want to clean up the house for the party, decorate, AND clean up once everyone leaves. Maintaining the house during the week is hectic enough, I can’t imagine cleaning to entertain loads of people. I am willing to sacrifice and pay someone else to do that, hence the reason choosing a theme is important as it determines venues. I also don’t want people haphazardly lounging around my house once the party is over for this reason alone if we are partying the party will be at a venue. Now that he’s in school deciding whether or not to invite the class is “a thing”. Last year I did it simply because it was his first year; while we are not having a party this year if we were, I would not have done the same thing…..which leads to my next point, decide capacity. Some people are willing to do 60 people, I am not. Anything over 14 kids is too many. This is also a really good place to decide your budget!!

Usually, the third step is to decide on a birthday theme. This takes me a lot longer than it probably should but it is what it is, lol. His half birthday is in May so I like to pick 5-7 things (characters, sports, music, etc) I know he likes “pre-plan” decorations and such in mind and get a general idea. Once I no longer like the idea, or he no longer likes the theme I toss that out. By August at the latest, I’ll have a theme. Once I have a theme I can decide on a venue. Pick three that fit your budget, all should be slightly under budget that way you aren’t too far over if they convince you to purchase an upsell.

Pro Tip: One, try to get a venue that provides goodie bags as it will be one less hassle for you. However, if that’s not possible, the dollar store is your best friend.

Pro Tip #2: Don’t be afraid to have an “exclusive” birthday event for your child. Sounds expensive right? Not my version lol! If your child is old enough have them pick 2-3 other friends that can accompany them for a child-appropriate movie and maybe pizza afterwards. Also, don’t be afraid to do a virtual movie night. These can be incredibly economical. I actually planned one for my son’s third birthday (the COVID one) then changed my mind.

If you haven’t figured it out yet I’m an overthinker! A lot of what I do can probably be combined into fewer steps, so if after reading the blogs and you feel you can combine steps, do what you do Mama! My take home for deciding on whether or not to party is simple, decide if it’s worth it, then set boundaries for yourself. Once you set boundaries for yourself stick to them. You will thank yourself in the long-run.

Birthday Month!!!!!

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Remember I told you all the fall season is like my single mama Superbowl??? Well, it totally is! September is back to school-ish but it also marks the start of most fall festivals; October, is the peak month for fall festivals and Halloween, and November is my son’s birthday month….and Thanksgiving. Needless to say if not planned properly fall can be overwhelming and certainly a financial crunch. Yet, my son always seems to come out on “top” and there are a few reasons for that. In this month’s series, I’ll talk through my planning process, my selection of birthday gifts, how I decide to do parties, and all of the jazz that makes the fall season and birthdays special. Since fall festivals typically begin before November we’ll start there.

First off, I plan. I have to…I don’t do too well without at least an outline of a plan. Bare bones planning usually takes place at the beginning of the year when I am goal planning. For me, bare-bones planning consists of me listing out different events I know will occur in whatever season or month (if I have that info) and maybe an approximation of how much it costs. For example, I know the fall season means school pictures, his school’s bookfair, the school walkathon, several October Fest, class birthday parties, pumpkin patches, apple picking, parades, the UniverSoul Circus, Halloween parades(both the school and the neighborhood’s), his class Halloween party, and at least one football game I will want to take him to. Now, realistically that’s not all of the events that occur in the fall, it’s just a list of things we tend to do. This skeletal outline of sorts allows me to place holds on my calendar (read https://chroniclesofasinglemom.home.blog/2022/09/14/tips-to-master-your-calendar/ for more information on how I organize my calendar). The holds keep me from potentially taking on more than I can both attend and afford. A hidden perk of the skeletal outline is having an idea of how much to save, or what coupons to look for.

After creating a skeletal outline of my calendar, I do two things, one, I already know which invites to decline. This year we said no to all birthday party invites from his classmates. Sorry, kids. We didn’t have the time, I didn’t have the money AND all of this is in synchronized harmony because he’s not having a party this year so it doesn’t look as if I am cheating out of other parties while expecting gifts. Secondly, I pencil (not really since it’s my google calendar) his sports lessons, and try to leave at least one day blocked for rest. The rest day is essential because it blocks off time in case something comes up that I decide to do, but also it’s a day for us to do nothing:)

Third, and for me this is the fun part-figuring out who to do what with. I have a fair amount of friends with children that are my son’s age and we try to get the kids together quarterly (minimum). Fall activities are a great time to connect, the weather is generally perfect and as an only child he now has someone to enjoy the adventure with. A hidden perk of my son’s birthday being in the fall is he gets to hit a few of these places as birthday presents. Yup, you read that right. My friends are ALWAYS asking what to get him, and my answer changed from nothing to “well, pay for his admission on our outing.” Guess what, they don’t mind at all. Paying for his admission to a fall activity is much easier than wrecking one’s brain to find the perfect gift, trying to remember a gift receipt in case he gets two of the same gift, or worse consoling their child who just threw a tantrum because they want the same toy. It’s a win-win situation for both me and said friend. We will cover more of my gifting hacks in a later blog.

Lastly, saving is great and all but a good coupon will give you life lol!!!! If you haven’t figured it out by now I am frugal. I’m not necessarily cheap BUT I love a good deal. Fall festivities, Halloween, a fall birthday, and both major holidays can wreak havoc on your bank account. Enters coupons! Now, most times coupons are hard to find for fall fest. Look for coupons and discount codes from your child’s school or daycare, and the library. Here in Chicago, our libraries have free passes for different museums and exhibits. The trick is getting those passes at the right time. Secondly, use Groupon and Krazy Coupon Lady. These are my go -tos and they rarely let me down. Actually, I got my son’s birthday trip from Krazy Coupon lady:) It’s also a good idea to sign up for the parent magazines and websites in your area. These are hubs of children’s info and they always give activities, and a lot of times they’ll inform you of when the free or deeply discounted days are. Also, know who the mom/children’s social media influencers are in your area and, be sure to follow their pages. They know everything. Finally, don’t be afraid to go on an attraction’s website and look for discounted days. It may be a Friday evening or something odd like that but if you can take some time off work and go!

In closing, if I had to bulletpoint how I navigate the fall season it would look like this: plan ahead, save, narrow down what you really want to do, don’t overbook yourself or your child, think outside of the box, and most importantly find coupons. These points will get you through the fall season without breaking the bank, especially if you have a fall baby. Let’s help one another, leave your fall fest hacks in the comments below!

The Way You Start Your Day Dictates the Directionality

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I think we can agree the way you start the day sets the tone for the rest of the day. We can also agree that parents have a 6th or maybe even 7th sense for putting the first part of our mornings behind us to have a semi-decent day at work and beyond. I also believe children have an additional sense for taking FOREVER to get ready for school, I know I did lol! Those first twenty to thirty minutes were a complete waste of time. Fortunately for my little one, I know and understand that mornings are different for children, and because of that, I try very hard to provide a routine that will give him the best possible start. Throughout the coming weeks I will detail the routine I have with him, however today I will detail my routine, because honestly if I’m not in the right mood or mindset his routine can go south quickly!!

Full transparency, my daily prep work starts the night before, lol! I don’t get up early enough to do everything before my son wakes up, maybe one day after I’m done with school I’ll be able to shift into that space but right now absolutely not! Once I’m done studying for the night, I look at my master calendar to ensure I have everything packed. For example, on Thursdays my son has to return his school library books back to the school library, so on Wednesday nights I tend to check his bag to ensure he actually packed the book. The same goes for Tuesday folders. A lot of times there is something that needs to be returned to his teacher, I double-check to ensure this has been completed and packed on Tuesday nights. I also check the master calendar to make sure I have appropriate clothing laid out for the next day. I tend to drop him off in my workout clothes, but if I have a meeting, presentation, etc I need to ensure I have proper clothing laid out and a packed bag. Upon completion of these steps I call it a night.

When my son first started school I got up an hour before him. During that hour I have a short prayer, read a devotional, journal, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. I try hard not to check email during this time but if for some reason I engage in email I will schedule quick responses to send during business hours. I’d also wash and dry his lunchbox as well as pack his lunch. It was a fairly productive hour until my class load got heavier AND he wanted to be more involved in packing his lunch.

Now that he is able to and wants to help a little more (this can actually also slow us down) and my class load is considerably larger (all three credit classes are not created equally) I’ve made some adjustments to the daily prep work in order to get more rest and I only get up thirty mins before him. In these thirty minutes, I have a short prayer, read a devotional, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. Sometimes I also need to wash his lunchbox and water bottle during that timeframe. Once everything is washed I towel dry it and pack his lunch. This year we incorporated meal planning into our weekly prep which works wonders. I can lay everything he needs to pack on his placemat and he will pack it while waiting on breakfast. This time isn’t extremely productive but it gives me a few moments of peace and allows me to get focused and centered for the rest of the day. Honestly, if I could get up an hour earlier I would but that would mean going to bed an hour earlier and that’s not an adjustment I’m ready to make.

I’ve learned to ebb and flow with the timing of my morning routine. I used to feel so thrown off if I didn’t wake up a full hour before him, however in trying to get as much sleep as possible I’ve realized the mornings are made easier based on the prep work I do beforehand. The small tasks that I complete on Sundays and every night matter. They significantly decrease the amount of prep work that takes place during the mornings which allows me to feel more rested. Sunday preparation allows for coffee and Jesus in the mornings. Coffee and Jesus allow me to be somewhat calm before the start of the day. Do what works for you, but make sure you get some daily “me time” in prior to waking the littles up and starting their day.

Tips for Convos With Your Younger Child(ren)-Back to School Edition

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So……. during my son’s first formal year of school, a lot of the parents were extremely shocked I knew what was going on inside of the classroom. Like I knew all the PK tea lol!! I’d often get asked how I knew what was going on and to a lot of parents’ surprise my answer was always “my son told me.” In return I’d hear a lot “my child doesn’t tell me anything, how do you do that?’ I decided this school year I’d share some of my tips for getting your little ones to open up about school. Remember, my little one is preschool aged, not sure if these tips would work for older children, but I do know if you get them talking while they’re young it is much easier to talk to them as they continue to grow. Here goes:

1)Know their calendar/schedule. My son’s teacher sent weekly calendars. I knew what books would be read, what day specials were, birthdays, etc. The calendar gave me a framework for questions such as “how was music today”, “did you hear any good stories at library?” “What was your favorite part of the story?” “How was recess, was it indoors or outdoors?” “Who’d you sit with?’ Pro Tip: If you ask a yes or no question follow it with an open-ended question. Sometimes they’ll answer, sometimes they won’t but it primes them for discussions and sets the expectation.

2) Learn the flow/routine of the class. After a month or so of listening to him, I began to grasp the flow of the class., For example, I knew every morning they’d sit around the calendar and change it as a class, I knew the calendar (circle time) is where the kids were able to select their jobs, and where attendance was taken. This became the setup for learning his classmates’ names, what days they attended, what jobs he liked, and disliked, how often do they switch jobs, who picks the jobs, etc. Circle time allowed me to find out who he played with which leads to my next point.

3)Learn their friends: Learning your child’s friends is one thing, learning what they play together and why they’re friends is next-level parenting lol! Learning what they play(ed) together allowed me to better work through any SEL issues that may have arisen in class. For example, what if the said friend doesn’t want to play that day, how will he respond? Knowing what they play(ed) allowed me to role play and discuss with him before and even after it occurred. Knowing why they’re friends is also important, I think even more so if your child(ren) is at a diverse school. For instance, my child thought of himself as the only black boy in the class (there were 3 bi-racial kids but 3-4-year-olds don’t understand that). I wanted to know who he aligned himself with and why. Thankfully, oftentimes it was because of commonalities, but this will be extremely helpful later on.

4)Social Emotional Check-Ins: I learned this particular tip from our LCSW. Yes, we are doing family counseling but that’s a topic for another day:) Social Emotional check-ins are easy but random. They are as simple as “what made you happy today, what made you upset, what’s one thing you’d change.” That’s it! The conversation takes place from there, especially if you have a little chatterbox. I’d often end up sharing my responses because my son wanted to hear what I liked and disliked as well.

5) Give a potential schedule for the rest of the day: If I knew what was going to happen I’d let him know, such as ” we have swim class today, and afterward we will take a bath, eat dinner, read a story and go to bed. For my son, this sparked a million other comments ranging from ” I like this about swimming:, “can I have Inserts current favorite snack) after swim? ” which towel are we using, may I pick the towel”, “I don’t know what I want to read for bedtime”, etc. This allows him to know what to expect for the rest of the day but also leads to more conversation.

I’ll be honest, there are days when I don’t want to talk and neither does he. However, on those days I do a quick temperature check to make sure there is not an issue that I should know about which is causing him not to want to talk, or I tell him why I am upset and in a quiet mood. This teaches him that it is perfectly fine to have days where he doesn’t feel like sharing BUT it also reassures him that if at a later point he wants to talk he is free to do so. Conversing with kids is not easy, but it is an expectation that is worth setting with your children. You learn so much from and about them when they’re given the ability to conversate. Pleasant conversations also build confidence in your child that they can talk to you about anything, not just if or when something is wrong.