Category Archives: Balance

Moment of Truth

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I’m going to be completely honest with you all, I messed up. Not necessarily in parenting(not yet anyway), but with my organization. Yes, I am the same person who wrote about maximizing your time, told y’all how I schedule everything, and well….for the last two months of 2022 I was all over the place. Honestly, I think that’s been the case since September 2022. I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’m being extremely transparent because transparency is at the core of who I am as a blogger. I don’t hide stuff from you all lol! Two, I am giving you permission to fail(ish) and rebound from it. I failed in certain aspects of managing my time which I’ll get into in a minute but guess what? While it’s not how I like to do things, I survived, the boy thrived, he’s happy, healthy, and well most things got done.

NOW, let me tell you all what the heck happened. For those of you who are new here, I am in a master’s program. This is year two of a two-and-a-half program. With the arrival of 2023 I can actually see the “end of the tunnel” but um, last semester, Fall 2022 that was not the case. My semesters are divided into two, eight-week classes. In theory, this is to ensure you’re able to handle the coursework while juggling adult life. The first course I took in Fall 2022 was a Bio Stats class. I’ve taken stats before in undergrad and so I was not necessarily concerned. I prepared as I normally do for any class, I studied the syllabus, placed due dates in my calendar, reminders to do or check work, and made a study plan. Y’all nothing would’ve prepared me for that class. NOTHING!!!!!

I was spending the entire day doing work. ENTIRE DAY!!! I was going to bed and sleeping maybe 4 hours because of course I’m not just a student and there were other things I had to do…like be a parent. You guys, I cut OUT all extracurricular activities, I barely took time for myself, and I had to temporarily eliminate movie night with my son….there was just not enough time in the day to complete all of this work. The homework assignments were killer. You had maybe 3 days to turn them in, and you had to get the assigned percentage. For example, for most assignments, I needed an 80% in order to have the homework assignment counted. It would take a minimum of 3 hours to do the assignments, I wouldn’t get an 80 and then had to try the entire assignment all over again. Some assignments I didn’t receive credit for, and it wasn’t because I didn’t do the work, it was simply because I didn’t get the approved grade. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my work but I’d say 50% of the homework assignments I didn’t get credit for.

This class was brutal. YES, I got a tutor, YES I met with the TA, hell, I even met with the professor a few times. The shit kicked my ass and there is no other way to say it. My brain was fried, and I felt defeated. I was doing my best but it was nowhere near good enough. I was tired, battered, and just over it. I actually pondered dropping the class and prolonging my graduation date. Shit was beyond rough. Y’all know it was because I don’t cuss like this in my writing….so my apologies. Guys, one weekend I needed to preserve my sanity so I blew everything off and thing out with my son. I must say that was refreshing for both of us.

In the end, by the absolute Grace of God I finished with a B-. I couldn’t have been more excited but y’all I was exhausted. I’m still not sure how I managed my son’s birthday. But the beating I took caused me to literally fly by the seat of my pants through November and December. My brain was done, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I was so exhausted from the previous class that I failed to chart out my second class, and almost missed the due date for my final project. BUT God!!!!

In closing, I completely apologize for leaving you all hanging. I apologize for my inconsistency, for my randomness, and for not following through. I assure you that I did nothing but rest over the last 2-3 weeks and I am rejuvenated and ready for the new year. I have already begun planning my year, and I’ve even tightened up some of my organizational skills and techniques. I’ll write about some of the interesting things I decided to do and the goals I’ve set for myself and my son very soon. For now, I just wanted to apologize and thank you for sticking with me!

Morning Routine

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If you read The Way You Start Your Day Dictates the Directionality then you know I am a huge fan of morning routines for myself and my son. While my morning routine is a bit more relaxed, his is not. We literally do the same things every morning. We’ve had the same core items since my son was about two, of course, we’ve added and subtracted things over the last few years and there’s room to edit what works and doesn’t as he continues to grow BUT he knows his basics are always there. It is important to create routines for children for several reasons. One such reason routines are important for children is knowing what’s about to happen gives children a sense of security. Other reasons routines are important for children are: routines set expectations, routines help children learn about schedules, they allow children to be independent (within the bounds of your routine), routines establish healthy habits, and routines create a calmer environment. Children and routines go hand in hand; as the parent routines make your life a little easier.

Once my son gets up it is easy to forget any and everything, hence the reason I need to get up before him and the reason he needs a routine. I learned during his daycare days that homeboy will wake up in one of three different moods: happy, playful, or pissed. The amount of sleep he got nor the way in which I wake him up can change this. In fact, he’s so much of a drama king if he wakes up happy or playful he will still find a way to waste thirty minutes. Because of this, I wake him up thirty minutes earlier than necessary to ensure no matter his antics we get to school on time.

I wake him up with a song or two, a hug, and, a kiss. He ain’t getting full ballards lol, but something simple. If there is a song he likes from chapel the prior week I’ll sing that. Other times he gets a good morning song of some sort. After his song, he goes to the bathroom, changes his calendar, and comes to the table for vitamins, and to pack his lunchbox. I tend to pack the entree and water while he packs snacks. more times than not I am also cooking his breakfast while we’re working on his lunch. When breakfast is ready he eats, puts his lunchbox in his book bag, and goes to get dressed.

Hygiene takes at least 20 mins. He’s a little kid so you’d think it wouldn’t take that long but NOPE!!! I let him perform the task (insert brush teeth, wash face, brush hair, etc) then I go behind him and do it. I personally would love to move these teachable moments to bedtime only but he won’t hear of it. It takes a bit longer for both of us to perform each task but it gets done, I know he’s clean, and it cuts down on reasons for us to fight. I hate compromising with him in the morning but my peace and getting out of the door is more important so it is what it is.

In my opinion, this part of our morning routine is a lot like everyone else’s- getting ready lol! The differentiation in our routine mainly takes place in the truck on the way to school….and you” read all about that in the next blog! For now stay tuned and please share what you and your littles do in the comment section. Also, feel free to any routine- making and/or timesaving tips below as well!

The Way You Start Your Day Dictates the Directionality

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I think we can agree the way you start the day sets the tone for the rest of the day. We can also agree that parents have a 6th or maybe even 7th sense for putting the first part of our mornings behind us to have a semi-decent day at work and beyond. I also believe children have an additional sense for taking FOREVER to get ready for school, I know I did lol! Those first twenty to thirty minutes were a complete waste of time. Fortunately for my little one, I know and understand that mornings are different for children, and because of that, I try very hard to provide a routine that will give him the best possible start. Throughout the coming weeks I will detail the routine I have with him, however today I will detail my routine, because honestly if I’m not in the right mood or mindset his routine can go south quickly!!

Full transparency, my daily prep work starts the night before, lol! I don’t get up early enough to do everything before my son wakes up, maybe one day after I’m done with school I’ll be able to shift into that space but right now absolutely not! Once I’m done studying for the night, I look at my master calendar to ensure I have everything packed. For example, on Thursdays my son has to return his school library books back to the school library, so on Wednesday nights I tend to check his bag to ensure he actually packed the book. The same goes for Tuesday folders. A lot of times there is something that needs to be returned to his teacher, I double-check to ensure this has been completed and packed on Tuesday nights. I also check the master calendar to make sure I have appropriate clothing laid out for the next day. I tend to drop him off in my workout clothes, but if I have a meeting, presentation, etc I need to ensure I have proper clothing laid out and a packed bag. Upon completion of these steps I call it a night.

When my son first started school I got up an hour before him. During that hour I have a short prayer, read a devotional, journal, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. I try hard not to check email during this time but if for some reason I engage in email I will schedule quick responses to send during business hours. I’d also wash and dry his lunchbox as well as pack his lunch. It was a fairly productive hour until my class load got heavier AND he wanted to be more involved in packing his lunch.

Now that he is able to and wants to help a little more (this can actually also slow us down) and my class load is considerably larger (all three credit classes are not created equally) I’ve made some adjustments to the daily prep work in order to get more rest and I only get up thirty mins before him. In these thirty minutes, I have a short prayer, read a devotional, have some coffee, and take my vitamins. Sometimes I also need to wash his lunchbox and water bottle during that timeframe. Once everything is washed I towel dry it and pack his lunch. This year we incorporated meal planning into our weekly prep which works wonders. I can lay everything he needs to pack on his placemat and he will pack it while waiting on breakfast. This time isn’t extremely productive but it gives me a few moments of peace and allows me to get focused and centered for the rest of the day. Honestly, if I could get up an hour earlier I would but that would mean going to bed an hour earlier and that’s not an adjustment I’m ready to make.

I’ve learned to ebb and flow with the timing of my morning routine. I used to feel so thrown off if I didn’t wake up a full hour before him, however in trying to get as much sleep as possible I’ve realized the mornings are made easier based on the prep work I do beforehand. The small tasks that I complete on Sundays and every night matter. They significantly decrease the amount of prep work that takes place during the mornings which allows me to feel more rested. Sunday preparation allows for coffee and Jesus in the mornings. Coffee and Jesus allow me to be somewhat calm before the start of the day. Do what works for you, but make sure you get some daily “me time” in prior to waking the littles up and starting their day.

Fighting For What You Deserve is Sometimes Exhausting

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I know growth hurts, but every now and then I have to be reminded of that fact. My job searches are usually seamless, I apply for jobs, I find jobs that I like, I interview, get hired and work, end of story. The entire process takes maybe 2 months, not long at all and I’m always satisfied. This year, the search has been different and dare I say sometimes downright exhausting. I started flirting with the idea of finding a new job in the summer of 2021 when I realized I was doing more than I was getting paid for.

One of the first things I do when I applying for new jobs is examine my motives. This is not to say I believe motives for finding a new job are right or wrong, but I like to know the reason for the move. The second thing I do is determine the logistics: pay, drive time, type of work(remote or on site), hours. Once all of this is determined I begin looking for jobs and researching companies that have policies conducive for parents. Finally, I start applying.

My approach to finding work hasn’t changed, if anything it has tightened up and gotten more specific. I am a more focused candidate, I know exactly what I want and need, and yes, I am able to determine if a want in a company is negotiable, But, again this time is different.

I’ve applied for quite a few jobs(more within the last month than the entire year) and I have interviewed for and been offered 3 of those jobs. I didn’t take any of the positions. When weighing the pros/cons of each position I realized I’d be taking a loss, and not just financially. I certainly look at the financial aspect, but more than anything I look at potential loss of time with my son. This is HUGE for me because I am a single parent with a very small support system. I don’t want to be more than 30 minutes away from him for multiple reasons. What if something happens at school? I need to be able to get to him. I also need to be able to get home to him and have time to cook, help with homework, and go through our bedtime routine without rushing. If I can’t do that, the job is a loss. Financially, if I have to pay for an afterschool sitter the job is a loss. I am not striving to make more money only to pay more for childcare. No thanks.

Now, back to why I didn’t take one of the jobs I was offered…bottom line they weren’t worth it. The first job was remote but wanted me to work PST(I’m on CST) and work rotating weekends. As much as I didn’t like the idea of weekends I was willing to give that up had we negotiated me working CST. I have a 4 year old, no way I can work 2 hours behind, that would completely interrupt bedtime. The money also wasn’t good enough for me to find more help, an extra 5k…no thanks. The second job was on-site with 4 remote days per month. Benefits were great, the real issue is they were only offering me 5k more than what I currently make and unwilling to negotiate. Y’all, I never would’ve seen hat 5k. I would’ve had to use that on gas, parking, lunch, and afterschool childcare, At the end of the day it wasn’t worth it.

The job search is becoming grueling because I am starting to believe there are few jobs that meet my needs or are willing to negotiate. It makes me wonder if my standards are too high, or if companies are even more insensitive to parental needs post COVID-19 waves. In all honesty, I don’t know that answer to that. I know that I am well aware of what I need, and I am also willing to negotiate certain things. However, if companies are unwilling to negotiate with parents in general this is not the job market people continue touting it to be. I am still looking and intend to continue looking but the exhaustion is real.