Yes, You Need to Meal Plan Your Child(ren)’s School Lunch

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When you hear the term meal planning what comes to mind? I’m sure weight loss, caloric intake, and fitness are a few of the terms. Like me, most parents don’t realize meal planning for (y)our kids is a game changer! As a former certified personal trainer, I am quite familiar with meal planning, at least on a general level. I am NOT a dietician or nutritionist so going deep into micros, macros, etc is not my calling. Anywho, back to the point…I never imagined meal planning for my four-year-old. In full transparency, I stumbled into this lol! My son loves to pick his breakfast and lunch, I allow him to as it keeps down confusion, decreases our chances of having an unnecessary battle of the wills, and more importantly increases the chances that he’ll eat his food. Like my pre-schoolers, my child takes forever to make his decisions, while this is irritating it was not a huge issue over the summer. However, once school started it became an issue. Talk about a sure-fire WASTE OF TIME!!! We easily wasted 20-30 mins every morning eating, and an additional 20(sometimes overlapping with breakfast and sometimes starting at breakfast and lasting until we were almost ready to leave). It got so bad I started telling him his options were going to be getting up early or eating whatever I picked. While making that threat it dawned on me that we needed to do this ahead of time. What was this? Plan, meal plan! In this blog, we’ll cover the benefits of meal planning for your child, and in the next blog, we’ll cover tips for meal planning.
Benefit number one, meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted. I can’t state enough how meal planning has helped us. We all know no matter how far ahead we plan and pack our little people will undoubtedly drag and take forever. Barely getting out of the house is like a right of passage in motherhood. Meal planning decreases the amount of time wasted in the morning. Think about it, you don’t have to ask them what they want; meal planning gives you the flexibility to pack their lunch days in advance, or prior to waking them up, and it gives you time to wash/rinse all produce and other prep work that’s needed.
Number two, meal planning decreases the chances of fighting with your child. Think about it, if your child makes the decisions and then doesn’t like or doesn’t want the food/snack they have no one to blame but themselves. Sure, they may attempt to fight with you but in reality, they don’t have a leg to stand on. My son has said several times, “Mom, I didn’t want inserts food”, my response is always the same- who chose the food, me or you? At which point he quickly moves to something else because how dare we have a conversation about a decision he made and didn’t like.
The third benefit of meal planning, it guides your grocery shopping. If you’re like me it is extremely easy for you to go “off script” when grocery shopping and purchase things because “they look good”, or worse, you’re PMS grocery shopping lolbs! Having a list and a set budget makes it a lot easier to go to the store and get exactly what you need. A second part of having a list is it alleviates forgetting things.
The fourth benefit of meal planning for your child is it makes it easier to delegate. Much like myself, most busy parents don’t have time to run to three or four grocery stores to get everything needed for the next week or two. Having a list of items gives you the freedom to place a Target Drive-Up (or any store that allows for curbside pick-up) order and scoop the groceries en route to your destination. Having the list also allows you to have the groceries picked up and dropped off at your house (or workplace) by a provider like Walmart, Amazon Fresh, or Instacart. Being able to utilize these services makes grocery shopping much easier AND it saves you money because you know exactly what you’re browsing the site or app for.
The final benefit of meal planning is being able to cook in batches. Now, you may be wondering who cooks in batches, ESPECIALLY if their household is small. Well, you can AND you should. This saves you loads of time!! For example, last week I made some crockpot pulled chicken. It took me maybe 10 mins tops to set up, but once it was started I was free to move on with my day. This one thing yielded 4-5 different meals, we had tacos, sliders, pulled chicken sandwiches with coleslaw and corn, and fajitas, I threw some in some omelets one morning…this is just one example. You can totally do more with the meat. The point is once the meat is done, it’s done.
I hope today’s blog gave you something to think about. Parenting is rough, there are not enough hours in the day, and we need to do certain things smarter, not harder. Meal planning is a tool that is meant to make your life easier. You don’t need a fancy template (although there’s nothing wrong with it), and you don’t need a million options. There is no wrong way to do it, nor is there a wrong way to start. Next week I will give some of my favorite meal planning tips. Hoping you’ll tune in next week! Finally, feel free to leave what you view as benefits, or agree and disagree on in the comments below!

TTFN!

Tips to Master Your Calendar

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Stick with me and you’ll learn that after a semi-heavy series of blogs I like to lighten the mood. Usually, this is done by giving a tip or something else that has benefited me as a parent. Like all of you, I have a lot going on. A. LOT. LOL!!!!!! I am a full-time parent, I work full-time, I am working on my master’s degree(yup, I know I just dropped a bombshell lol), I am actively looking for a new job, I’m involved on community boards, AND I am working on blogging on a consistent basis. Like I said, too much!! As my son has gotten older, and the world has opened up managing his calendar has been a real chore. It is something I have worked on extensively and honestly, it’s something I tweak whenever I feel overwhelmed or think something isn’t working.

The one thing I do that helps me keep track of everything is have a master calendar. The master calendar allows me to see how busy my days and weeks really are. The master calendar contains all of my appointments, interviews, social events, and assignments alongside of my son’s appointments, classes/lessons, parties, half days, days out of school, and anything else that may come up regarding him. Upkeep of a master calendar isn’t as bad as it sounds, but there are some boundaries that I set in order to keep my sanity.

  1. Make a ledger: Everything is color coded. Just from looking at the color of the event, I have a general idea of what is going on. For example, a red event means someone has a doctor’s or dentist’s appointment. While yellow means something is due.
  2. Place a HOLD on tentative dates: For example, planning fall events for my son can be interesting. We like to go pumpkin picking, apple picking, to fall festivals/parades, you name it we want to attend it. Occasionally we invite friends and syncing schedules can be difficult. While waiting on confirmations I place a “HOLD” on tentative dates; this decreases the chance for time conflicts.
  3. Know Your Child’s Circle: I purposely keep up with my son’s close friends. I gauge who he plays with most and what they like doing together. Basically, a classmate has to be in that rotation for us to attend the birthday party. For any other parties I won’t even mention to him that he was invited.
  4. Sports/Lessons: I space the lessons by 2-3 days. T-ball is always on Saturday mornings, thereby giving him a weekend outing. Some weekends I need more study time than others which means the probability of us going somewhere is slim to none. Going to T-ball kills two birds with one stone, it gives him time to play and interact with others (aka an outing lol) AND it tires him out. His second lesson, swimming is during the week and is about 90 minutes prior to bedtime. With swim being so late it tires him out. We can go home, take a bath, eat dinner and go to bed.
  5. Plan Ahead: There is a 98.8% chance that I will say no to any impromptu outing. If we can’t plan ahead I can’t go and neither can my son. It’s that simple.
  6. Set Notifications: As a Type A personality I hate notifications! Most times they make me feel as if there is something that needs to be done. However, notifications for my calendar are clutch. Because my days are so packed it is easy to forget something. I set two notifications, one is a few days prior to the event, and the other is a few hours before the event. The notifications help me to plan my departure and get to my destination somewhat on time.
  7. Set Reminders: Before my son, I rarely forgot anything. After my son, I rarely remember. Reminders, help me remember what to pack and take. Reminders are also effective for tasks that need to be completed too far in advance for me to remember. For example, if I can’t register for something until I certain day I set a reminder in my calendar for that date with a description of what it is.
  8. Send Calendar Invites: If you’re coming with me expect a calendar invite. I need to be able to text or call you if I am late.
  9. Schedule Time For Yourself: I’m sure this one sounds dumb, but if it’s important it needs to be scheduled to ensure it takes place. This is true of exercising, reading(for enjoyment), the occasional binge-a-thon, etc. As a single-mom it is easy to forget or forgo something for myself in order to ensure things are done for my son. It’s hard to pour from an empty cup, so I schedule time with and for myself.
  10. Sync Your Other Calendars to Your Master: The purpose of having a master calendar is to see everything on one calendar, to get an overarching “BIG” picture of your day. If your other calendars are not synced to one main calendar you’re not helping yourself. If you use Google Calendar there is an easy way to sync/export the calendars. This feature alleviates the pain of you having to re-enter all of your events.

There are a few of my tips for managing your calendar. If you have other calendar management tips please drop them in the comments section!!

Tips for Convos With Your Younger Child(ren)-Back to School Edition

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So……. during my son’s first formal year of school, a lot of the parents were extremely shocked I knew what was going on inside of the classroom. Like I knew all the PK tea lol!! I’d often get asked how I knew what was going on and to a lot of parents’ surprise my answer was always “my son told me.” In return I’d hear a lot “my child doesn’t tell me anything, how do you do that?’ I decided this school year I’d share some of my tips for getting your little ones to open up about school. Remember, my little one is preschool aged, not sure if these tips would work for older children, but I do know if you get them talking while they’re young it is much easier to talk to them as they continue to grow. Here goes:

1)Know their calendar/schedule. My son’s teacher sent weekly calendars. I knew what books would be read, what day specials were, birthdays, etc. The calendar gave me a framework for questions such as “how was music today”, “did you hear any good stories at library?” “What was your favorite part of the story?” “How was recess, was it indoors or outdoors?” “Who’d you sit with?’ Pro Tip: If you ask a yes or no question follow it with an open-ended question. Sometimes they’ll answer, sometimes they won’t but it primes them for discussions and sets the expectation.

2) Learn the flow/routine of the class. After a month or so of listening to him, I began to grasp the flow of the class., For example, I knew every morning they’d sit around the calendar and change it as a class, I knew the calendar (circle time) is where the kids were able to select their jobs, and where attendance was taken. This became the setup for learning his classmates’ names, what days they attended, what jobs he liked, and disliked, how often do they switch jobs, who picks the jobs, etc. Circle time allowed me to find out who he played with which leads to my next point.

3)Learn their friends: Learning your child’s friends is one thing, learning what they play together and why they’re friends is next-level parenting lol! Learning what they play(ed) together allowed me to better work through any SEL issues that may have arisen in class. For example, what if the said friend doesn’t want to play that day, how will he respond? Knowing what they play(ed) allowed me to role play and discuss with him before and even after it occurred. Knowing why they’re friends is also important, I think even more so if your child(ren) is at a diverse school. For instance, my child thought of himself as the only black boy in the class (there were 3 bi-racial kids but 3-4-year-olds don’t understand that). I wanted to know who he aligned himself with and why. Thankfully, oftentimes it was because of commonalities, but this will be extremely helpful later on.

4)Social Emotional Check-Ins: I learned this particular tip from our LCSW. Yes, we are doing family counseling but that’s a topic for another day:) Social Emotional check-ins are easy but random. They are as simple as “what made you happy today, what made you upset, what’s one thing you’d change.” That’s it! The conversation takes place from there, especially if you have a little chatterbox. I’d often end up sharing my responses because my son wanted to hear what I liked and disliked as well.

5) Give a potential schedule for the rest of the day: If I knew what was going to happen I’d let him know, such as ” we have swim class today, and afterward we will take a bath, eat dinner, read a story and go to bed. For my son, this sparked a million other comments ranging from ” I like this about swimming:, “can I have Inserts current favorite snack) after swim? ” which towel are we using, may I pick the towel”, “I don’t know what I want to read for bedtime”, etc. This allows him to know what to expect for the rest of the day but also leads to more conversation.

I’ll be honest, there are days when I don’t want to talk and neither does he. However, on those days I do a quick temperature check to make sure there is not an issue that I should know about which is causing him not to want to talk, or I tell him why I am upset and in a quiet mood. This teaches him that it is perfectly fine to have days where he doesn’t feel like sharing BUT it also reassures him that if at a later point he wants to talk he is free to do so. Conversing with kids is not easy, but it is an expectation that is worth setting with your children. You learn so much from and about them when they’re given the ability to conversate. Pleasant conversations also build confidence in your child that they can talk to you about anything, not just if or when something is wrong.

Fighting For What You Deserve is Sometimes Exhausting

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I know growth hurts, but every now and then I have to be reminded of that fact. My job searches are usually seamless, I apply for jobs, I find jobs that I like, I interview, get hired and work, end of story. The entire process takes maybe 2 months, not long at all and I’m always satisfied. This year, the search has been different and dare I say sometimes downright exhausting. I started flirting with the idea of finding a new job in the summer of 2021 when I realized I was doing more than I was getting paid for.

One of the first things I do when I applying for new jobs is examine my motives. This is not to say I believe motives for finding a new job are right or wrong, but I like to know the reason for the move. The second thing I do is determine the logistics: pay, drive time, type of work(remote or on site), hours. Once all of this is determined I begin looking for jobs and researching companies that have policies conducive for parents. Finally, I start applying.

My approach to finding work hasn’t changed, if anything it has tightened up and gotten more specific. I am a more focused candidate, I know exactly what I want and need, and yes, I am able to determine if a want in a company is negotiable, But, again this time is different.

I’ve applied for quite a few jobs(more within the last month than the entire year) and I have interviewed for and been offered 3 of those jobs. I didn’t take any of the positions. When weighing the pros/cons of each position I realized I’d be taking a loss, and not just financially. I certainly look at the financial aspect, but more than anything I look at potential loss of time with my son. This is HUGE for me because I am a single parent with a very small support system. I don’t want to be more than 30 minutes away from him for multiple reasons. What if something happens at school? I need to be able to get to him. I also need to be able to get home to him and have time to cook, help with homework, and go through our bedtime routine without rushing. If I can’t do that, the job is a loss. Financially, if I have to pay for an afterschool sitter the job is a loss. I am not striving to make more money only to pay more for childcare. No thanks.

Now, back to why I didn’t take one of the jobs I was offered…bottom line they weren’t worth it. The first job was remote but wanted me to work PST(I’m on CST) and work rotating weekends. As much as I didn’t like the idea of weekends I was willing to give that up had we negotiated me working CST. I have a 4 year old, no way I can work 2 hours behind, that would completely interrupt bedtime. The money also wasn’t good enough for me to find more help, an extra 5k…no thanks. The second job was on-site with 4 remote days per month. Benefits were great, the real issue is they were only offering me 5k more than what I currently make and unwilling to negotiate. Y’all, I never would’ve seen hat 5k. I would’ve had to use that on gas, parking, lunch, and afterschool childcare, At the end of the day it wasn’t worth it.

The job search is becoming grueling because I am starting to believe there are few jobs that meet my needs or are willing to negotiate. It makes me wonder if my standards are too high, or if companies are even more insensitive to parental needs post COVID-19 waves. In all honesty, I don’t know that answer to that. I know that I am well aware of what I need, and I am also willing to negotiate certain things. However, if companies are unwilling to negotiate with parents in general this is not the job market people continue touting it to be. I am still looking and intend to continue looking but the exhaustion is real.

Discontentment

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Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been detailing my job dissatisfaction and the possibility of being laid off. I brushed over my emotions regarding the possible layoff but I never talked about my discontentment with the job prior to all of that happening. According to Merriam-Webster discontentment is defined as the lack of satisfaction with one’s status, possessions, or situation. For me, it wasn’t about status, but possessions and situation(s). I took this job a couple of years ago happy that I was moving from a contractor role to that of an employee. Employee status afforded me stability income-wise, and insurance which is a must for anyone with children. I’ve often said if it weren’t for my son I’d work as a contractor while improving upon and building my own business. Unfortunately, when he was born I was nowhere near where I needed to be financially in order to support a newborn as an entrepreneur, and shortly after that his other 23 chromosomes split so I got up and got back into the workforce. I did what needed to be done, and I don’t regret that. Back to why we’re here lol…

I knew what I was getting into when I took this job, I was getting into a remote position with limited opportunities for growth, with mediocre pay that would require a lot during busy season. I was fine with that because it got me out of the field during the height of the pandemic (first wave), allowed me to learn how to do contracts and other backend work that could help me move into a better position, and it gave me insurance. That’s why I took the job. I never intended to stay more than 2 years in the position. About 6 months into the position I learned I did NOT want the other job that I originally wanted to move into. From working as a partner with what I thought would be the “next move” for me I learned people in that role are beyond stressed and are not allowed to impose work-life boundaries on clients. As a single-parent I value boundaries and a work-life balance not having it is a no go for me. Seven to eight months into my current job I earned my highest take-home pay and was pissed because it was nowhere near enough. Nine months into my job I was told by a mortagator that I don’t make enough to buy a house where I wanted to live….like not even close to where I wanted to live. Basically, I could buy a house but it would not be in a good neighborhood. I’ve been in my feelings since then, real talk. How is it that I assist in the sale of homes on a daily basis (that’s my job), I work in real estate but I can’t afford to purchase a home for myself and my son?!?!? That was the end of the end for me, and I’ve been discontent since.

I stayed in the role reminding myself of the consolation prize, remote work, and the ability to be with my son. No matter how many times I reminded myself of that it wasn’t good enough. In hind sight I settled, I didn’t do myself any favors. Hell staying in the role caused more harm than good. Now, I will admit I have applied in spurts throughout the year and was even offered 2 positions with other companies, neither of which I accepted. After weighing the pros and cons, neither job was a step up for me. Both offers were lateral steps that didn’t offer enough money to leave the position I already had. Discontentment soured into apathy; apathy soured into disassociation; disassociation turned into loathsome. The latest possibility of being laid off is a bruise to my ego, for other reasons BUT it is also a sigh of relief. In some way, I feel like it’s God’s way of telling me a new job needs to be my central focus.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know it felt good to get all of those emotions out. It feels good to have a focal point and to know what my negotiables and non-negotiables are in a job. Here’s to new beginnings!

Coming Soon…

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In my last blog I detailed how my current position is no longer working for my family. Crazy thing is I started that blog a little over three weeks ago and edited it numerous times. In my opinion, it never conveyed my true feelings. I think there were so many emotions mixed in the realization that I needed to actively search for a new job that I hadn’t sorted through them. It’s one thing to know you need a new job, it’s one thing to look for a job, and it’s an entirely different thing for both you and your company to realize your current job is a dead end for both parties. Both parties’ realization of the obvious is what I believe left me most baffled.

I’ve had summer jobs since I was twelve and I am more than 10 years into my post-undergrad work life. I’ve started and run a business (until the birth of my son), I experimented with the thought of starting a second but realized the idea was great but it wasn’t something I was passionate about. Needless to say, I’ve not ever been disciplined, laid off, or fired. Anytime I left a company it was on my own terms and always for growth. I am potentially (our company hasn’t announced it yet, but we all know it’s coming) in the next round of layoffs at our company and not too sure how I feel about it.

My ego feels mildly bruised for reasons I’ll detail in another blog, part of me wants to worry (I refuse), but once I get past all of that I am really at peace. As a single-parent it is ALWAYS easy to worry when finances are involved. You being to think about provisions, insurance, bills….all the bills lol! Yet, I am choosing not to go that route.

I’ve begun completing an average of 3-4 applications on a daily basis, I have a resume writer, and I’ve completed a few call screenings and interviews. Honestly, I was offered a job but I would’ve ended up losing money had I taken that position. The company was offering 5K more than what I make now, however, I would’ve needed to find before and after care for my child, increase my bi-weekly gas budget, add a lunch budget, and pay for my own license renewal….5K would’ve been easily lost. The company did not want to negotiate the pay even though my experience is exactly what they needed to build this position and department out so I turned it down. A win. I am also in the process of rebalancing my budget, there are things I can cut if I get laid off. I’ve looked into how long I can stay on unemployment, and I made a daily schedule…just in case. I am still applying for positions, but studying some things to assist in my pursuit of passive income. I am literally doing all that I can do.

I think it is important to have a plan and be ready to put it into action. I feel as though for the moment I’ve done all I can planning-wise. Actually, I think I’ve done all I can emotionally; after all, I’ve admitted how I feel about it and I’ve searched to figure out why I feel that way.

Aside from making sure I am not worrying, I’m honestly excited and relieved. I feel like the potential layoff gives me more time to apply for jobs, but also it gives me time to nurture my own pursuits, like my blog. All of this is preliminary, so I’ll have to keep you posted! If you’ve ever been in this position what did you do? What are some strategies you used to look for new employment but balance your pursuits? Comment below!

Good Enough is No Longer Good Enough

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My son is happiest when I’m home with him, there’s no getting around that. Working remotely has made that possible, it’s allowed me to organize and attend class parties, allowed me to attend all of his school functions, and it’s afforded him the ability to not spend 12+ hours away from home. In fact, if he was sick or when his class was quarantined, working remotely made it easier for him to stay home. I didn’t have to look for a sitter, I wasn’t out of extra money, and there were no issues.

Working remotely presented a few issues of its own, because it was remote I did not make enough. I actually justified staying in the low-paying job because it provided me with the flexibility of time. Not only was I able to do what was necessary with and or for my son, but I also didn’t have to work weekends and for the most part I did very little overtime. There was a rare occasion when I worked past 5P. What happens when freedom of time isn’t enough? Or worse what happens when the one thing keeping you at the job(work-life boundaries) get blurred?

What happens when you’re at a crossroads of needing more money and time flexibility? What does that look like in a country where the health pandemic has magnified the crisis that working mothers have faced for years? I honestly have no clue, no idea how or where to begin my search. I’ve been at this crossroad for a while now, and I honestly tried to avoid it. Each time I’ve had enough I pull out my reasons for why this job is good for us, but this time…it’s not working.

In all honesty, I don’t know what happens and I don’t know how to fix this. What I do know is I can’t continue to stay in a position that no longer fits my family’s needs. The crazy thing is in the midst of my unsatisfaction, I am still thankful. Thankful that I had the opportunity to work from home, thankful this job afforded me opportunities to be a better parent, and thankful that I learned what this particular season of my life needs in a job. I think being able to conceptualize and articulate my specific needs is probably the best gift I could’ve received.

Based on my needs I think it’s also important to step up my passive income pursuits and my entrepreneurial goals and timeline. We know most companies are not suitable for mothers. It’s time to make an exit plan and put it into action.

From “We” to “Me”

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When I first started my single-parent journey breaking the habit of saying “we” was not only tough, it was something I wasn’t sure would ever happen. If you’ve been with me for a while you may remember me blogging about the difficulty and how I had to change my perspective and redefine “we”. In my own experience transitioning into single parenthood comes with many redefining terms. I decided to write this blog because I wanted people to know, it does happen. It takes time, there is NO specific timeline, but it happens. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It took me about 2 years (maybe one but honestly 2020 is a blur) but I am more comfortable than ever saying “me”.

First of all, I occasionally say “we” but I know who “we” consists of. When I use the pronoun “we” I am not speaking of my child’s other parent, I am however honoring my support system and giving them credit for assisting me in whatever the task is at hand. For example, “we’ve talked to him extensively about knowing the difference between what he can and can’t control.” I didn’t make that sentence up lol, it’s from a conversation my mother and I had with my son’s teacher. However, not only was I the one that made the comment, but I also felt it was important to honor her for assisting in those conversations with him. She understood and knew what I was trying to accomplish and made it a point to reinforce the concept with him. I appreciate her efforts and the efforts of my entire support system and so yes, when appropriate I honor them in public by saying “we”.

Second, yes I have healed considerably over the last three-four years, and with that has come a different love and respect for myself and the effort I put into providing for and raising my son. I work my ass off to ensure he has everything he needs and a great portion of what he wants. Hell, if I am being completely honest homeboy has a mild sense of entitlement( something else we’re working on and that deserves a blog all of its own). I DESERVE to say “me”, “mine”, “I”, and not feel any pain or a sense of loss and I am now at a point where I respect myself and my hustle enough to be able to do so. Saying “me” and/or “I” when discussing a decision I’ve made for my son is a form of respect. I am not being prideful, but in reality, I am setting the expectation for others when they need to address me about my son, and I am also acknowledging that I am the expert when it comes to his care.

Using the pronouns “me” and “I” also remind my son who is family is. He is now old enough to understand and feel the pain of having an absentee father and while I allow him space to freely talk and express his feelings, I also want him to remember who his family consists of. At his age, it is easy to imagine a scenery where he has and lives in a nuclear family, and while he may one day get an earthly father, it hasn’t happened yet…so stay in the present. I need him to know, honor and love the family he has.

In closing, your journey will not happen the way mine did but I wanted to share there is a point where your pronouns won’t bring you pain. Remember as you continue to heal your perspective will change, and with that change of perspective comes more resolve for how you will personalize and cope through this. Take it day by day, you will eventually get there.

Daycare or Nah?

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Due to the interesting circumstances in which my son was born I decided to stay home with him as long as possible in efforts to get to know him; bond with him; and settle into my new role as mommy(remind me to one day write about how I found out I was pregnant). I closed down my fitness business, for me it was impossible to run a second year start up business; work my part time fitness job; continue to take care of my mom(at the time she was just finishing her second battle with breast cancer); and raise this little boy. Looking at that collection of issues closing my business was an easy decision. I kept my part time fitness job, I taught two forty-five minute classes each week; and I continued coping with my mom and raising my child.

The part time job in itself was hell on wheels. While it was only two forty-five minute classes twice a week, those classes were early morning classes. I’d get very little sleep with a newborn and then wake up and got teach only to come back home more exhausted to a wide awake baby and have to go through our day until he finally took a nap. The part time job kept some money coming in; but not enough. Around the beginning of summer my savings began dwindling and I decided it was time to begin applying for jobs. Coupled with the idea of getting a job was the thought I’d need to place my son in daycare…..and honestly this was the hard part.

There was so much guilt surrounding the thought of putting him in daycare. Would they treat him right? Would he receive the care he needed? Will I miss his first steps? Would he like it? How would he feel going from spending all day everyday with his mommy to spending eight hours a day with a stranger? Would he think I don’t love him anymore? Would he feel neglected? Would I be able to continue nursing him? Would the daycare care center follow the dietary restrictions I’d set for him? So many questions; so many uneasy feelings; and so many tears. All of this happened before I began looking for daycare centers.

After talking to a few of my mom friends I was convinced of two things: one, everything I felt was normal; and two, I needed to take the home daycare route. Home daycare is smaller so the kids tend to get the care and attention they need. The child adjusts easier

Being a Mom Made Me a Better Employee

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This may sound stupid but prior to becoming a mom I never gave thought to the idea of work-mom life balance; and I certainly never thought being a mom would teach lessons I’d be able to transfer and apply in my work life. So imagine my surprise when asked in an interview ” how do you handle defeat; what if anything do you learn from defeat; and how do you implement those lessons” and the first example I thought about came from motherhood. Both surprised, and startled I sat there for a few extra seconds trying to recount the last defeat I had that didn’t pertain to motherhood…nothing came to mind. Finally I looked at my interviewer and asked “Do you mind if I use an example from parenting?” I could see the surprise in her face but not wanting to seem rude she answered ” hmm sure”.

I looked my interviewer square in the eyes and told her the majority of my latest defeats have occurred in motherhood. My most humbling moments and greatest lessons over the past two years have happened at the hands of my son. As a parent you set countless goals for yourself and your children. Whether or not you make or miss the mark and how you deal with it makes all the difference and sets you up for success or failure later on. For example before my son was born I set a goal to nurse him for one full year. Aside from nursing the only food he’d receive was the food I made and solids were not to be introduced before the six month mark. I was blessed we had no latching issues; no nursing issues; and no supply issues for six months. My son was happy, healthy, and thrived. This was especially tremendous as I didn’t have any lactation classes nor did I work with a consult. According to plan at six months I introduced solids. I went to the Farmers Market purchased; picked; cleaned; cored; peeled; and pureed it. I froze our access…we were thriving and we were doing things according to my plans. We were succeeding!

At nine months all of that changed. I went back to work full time, my now decreasing supply seemed to dry completely up and at nine months I was forced to stop nursing. I was devastated. I failed! We did not reach my goal….and worse than knowing we didn’t reach my goal was the thought of being a terrible mom; the thought that he’d get sick and it would be my fault. The thought of him possibly becoming obese and it being my fault; the thought of him no longer thriving and it being my fault. What failure is worse than that?

I had her, at this point she was so into my answer and that was great because all if it was true; I couldn’t make it up if I tried lol! I looked at her and said well how’d I handle that? First, I had to come out of my feelings. I had to make a list of all the great things that we’d accomplished and realize that each goal was to be celebrated not thrown away and looked down upon because the ultimate goal wasn’t reached. Next I made a list of what I thought went wrong and took notes on what I felt could be done better. The third thing I did was realize that I need to give myself grace. I am great when it comes to extending grace to others but I am the absolute hardest on myself. Next, I had to come to grips with the fact that goals are fluid. They change and it’s quite alright.

How do I