Self Care has been one of the trending topics for a few years now. I believe part of the reason this is the case is because society drives us(probably more the case for millennial and Gen Z-ers) parents and to “have it all” meaning we’re expected to over excel in all areas of life: school; career; dating/married life; parenting; social life; physical appearance; have an amazing bank account; drive the latest car; take trips; rock the freshest clothes; exercise; drink water; and sleep. Oh and of course post your entire life and all of it’s details on social media. How?!?!?! Somewhere along the lines while trying to live up to society’s standards we forgot to take care of ourselves; in fact we forgot what taking care of ourselves meant.

If I’m being honest that’s not how I forgot about myself; life happened. Being a first time parent is hard for any couple (married or not) and a little harder as a single parent. I didn’t mean to forget about me, I just didn’t know how to adjust to my role as a mom; then my role as a working mom; then my role as a single mom….and ultimately “me” didn’t make the priority list. My journey towards making myself a priority started with me going to counseling. I remember one day talking to my therapist extremely frustrated about only God knows what because at the moment I don’t remember; what I do remember is my therapist looking at me and asking “when do you make time for you?” I laughed and told her that wasn’t an option; there was no one else to do all the “things that needed to be done; no one else to take care of my son and so I had to suck it up and keep moving.” She looked at me crazily and told me things would always need to get done but I had to make time for myself. I responded ” I’m here aren’t I? And that was that.

Flash forward about ten months to the day my therapist discharged me, she looked at me and said “come a long way promise me you wont go back to absolutely no me time.” I looked at her and told her I promised not to revert back to not even being a priority on my list. That was November ish, at that time I was making time for myself maybe two times per week…maybe…. but certainly once lo!! As you can see nothing grand but it was a heck of a start.

Last December I purposely told myself I was going to do something everyday towards enjoyment or relaxation. Sure I enjoy my son but I also want to do something specifically with me in mind. With that I decided I wanted to get back to reading; I’d start with a daily devotional …something uplifting and to continue feeding my spirit and hopefully move from my devotional to a book. I’d been listening to a podcast at least three times each week for about the last year now… so I decided to move that to five times each week.

Today I was having a conversation with a friend who asked what I was doing and my list included working from home; laundry; cooking; keeping my son busy; taking the Christmas tree down; and a few other things. I was like yea its a pretty busy day; my friend in turn goes “yup, that’s parenting, it’s always something.” For some reason today that clicked. I don’t know why but after two years it made sense. Y’all seriously, something will ALWAYS need to be done; it is up to you to carve out time for yourself. Self care doesn’t have to be elaborate, today I legit had a cup of tea while indulging in MSNBC (very relaxing right? don’t judge me lol) but that was it and I wouldn’t have gotten that had I not been intentional.

After today’s revelation I thoroughly believe self care is a mindset. It is something you must believe you need and deserve; then be intentional about getting it. Parents (all parents) I know you think there’s no time for it but you must make the time. You are such a better version of yourself for your family, and kids when you tend to your own needs. You’re less frustrated; more relaxed; happier; and healthier when you tend to yourself. No matter what your definition of self care is you have to be purposeful and intentional in getting your time in. It will be one of the most important things you do for yourself. It took me two years but I finally learned my lesson.