My son is in the thick of terrible twos which is interesting enough because he’s only a few days off 20 months. I noticed the change once he turned 18 months, it’s as if he realized he could control EVERYTHING and boy has he been determined to do so. I don’t think I’ve said “no or stop” so many times in my life. I swear I average both words along with the phrase “don’t do that” 20xs/day. Not lying!!! Lately I’ve found myself tiring of saying “stop”, “no”, “don’t do that”…like just down right exhausted. It’s like I’m a broken record. Along with being exhausted of being so negative I also realized my son is an absolute sponge right now. Meaning he picks up on any and everything I do even and probably especially if I don’t want him to. I decided to reevaluate where we(my son and I) are in this period of life and the first thing I realized is toddlerhood is JUST starting…aka I have at least 3 more years of this😩. Secondly, (after pulling myself back together lol) I also realized I can’t continue doing things at this pace; if I’m going to get through this I had to change my style. Changing my style meant more reflection and as a consequence of more reflection it also meant being more intentional in my actions and interactions with toddzilla. Here are a few of the things I’m purposefully implementing:

1. I try to thank my toddler more! This is an extremely important piece and it took me a few days to come up with this one. This is also probably the hardest technique because I have to actively LOOK for opportunities to do it. There are times when my toddler does something without me having to ask or instruct him; for example yesterday when I told him it was time for lunch he climbed in his chair, strapped himself in, and waited very patiently until I brought him lunch. I was thoroughly impressed. I look for these situations to thank him and tell him I like when he does “xyz”. The positive affirmation acknowledges that he was listening and paying attention to my teachings AND that he’s mastered when and how to implement new skill. Tell him I like when he does something increases the likelihood of him repeating the skill without prompting or fighting.
2. If I’m telling him not to do something I try very hard to explain why the action isn’t suitable AND how it affects him. Great example, the stove! My kid loves to “help me cook”….I’m Type A+ personality so it drives me NUTS lol, but I pull back and allow it because I understand he wants to “help” and feel included. As parents we all know the kitchen is an extremely dangerous place for toddlers….it’s almost impossible to keep them safe in the kitchen. For some reason my son is taken with the stove. He wants to touch it, he wants to attempt to turn the buttons and because he’s watched me do it, he thinks he can move pots and pans. Beforehand any time I saw him approaching the stove he’d get a stern “don’t touch that”!! Which of course for the rebellious soul just means “go ahead and touch it.” Now I focus on telling him the stove is extremely hot, and if he touches it there’s a chance he’ll get burned which means we’ll have to take away from his play time to go sit at the doctor. Does this explanation always work. Nope! So I have to switch it up and ask him “is the stove hot or cold?” Then pose a follow up question about what can happen s are too hot….he’s not verbalizing well enough to answer that question, but his actions usually show he understands.
3. I stroke his ego! Yup, not even 2 yet and it already works! Like all toddlers he loves to help and will often do so without being prompted, in those moments I tell him “ he’s the best ever at (insert helpful thing here)”, or “he’s so good at (insert helpful thing here)”, I clap, I dance, I high five….I stay gassing him up for being helpful….as a result he continues helping and I’m not stressed.

Conclusion: does my new way of doing things always work-NOPE! Absolutely not! I’d be a liar to say they do, but at the very least I’m not burned out. I do know these techniques are allowing me to affirm and praise my child and they’re also giving him explanations as to why I don’t want him to do things. Hopefully he learn from the explanations and be able to make his own connections and have more information when making a choice( a little advanced for a toddler but hey if he’s gonna soak everything up why not start “filling” him with skills to succeed now). One of my favorite lessons for him is empowerment! By pulling back and rerouting I am giving him the confidence to explore and take risk(hopefully calculated risks as he gets older). Finally, I know that my new found ways of dealing with him will teach him more about rewards and consequences and teach him that every action has both rewards and consequences attached. So in closing I probably won’t lessen the amounts of bumps, bruises, and cuts but at least I’m attempting to raise a well rounded individual AND keeping a tad of my sanity while doing so.